A daughter is torn over whether she should take her mum away on a spa day for a special birthday, as she fears her miserable attitude will ruin the occasion.
The upset woman took to popular social forum, Mumsnet, to ask advice on if she is being unreasonable on thinking about cancelling the whole day out. The woman booked a spa day for her and her mum, costing over £600 to celebrate her 60th birthday.
However, her mother doesn't seem excited by it at all, and the daughter is suspicious that she'll criticise the day out the entire time they are there. She also added that this isn't a new behaviour for her mum, and that she's spend her life "trying to cheer her up".
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On the website, the woman wrote: "It's my mum's 60th next weekend. I've booked us a spa day at a nice spa with massages, facials, manicure, pedicure and afternoon tea. Costing £600+ for both of us.
"She likes spas and massages and hasn't been for a massage since before Covid so thought it would be a nice thing to do.
"Typically for my mum, she doesn't seem particularly up for it, seems to be treating it like it's a hassle, an inconvenience to her schedule (despite the fact she's retired and mostly watches TV and does gardening).
"I suspect that on the day she's going to be miserable and moan and criticise everything. Even though it's a lovely spa in a 5 star hotel, there will be something that won't be up to her high standards. And I'm dreading it.
"But if I didn't do anything like this for her birthday she would sink into a deep depression, can't please her. I've spent my life trying to cheer her up to no avail.
"Am I being unreasonable to be getting upset by this? Any tips for getting through the day?"
Many people took to the comments to share their opinions on this debacle, with many agreeing that the daughter was doing all she could to help her mother.
One Mumsnet user wrote: "I think it is time to put yourself first and stop trying to please her, especially if you can't win either way.
"Its an awful lot of money to spend on someone who doesn't appreciate it, you shouldn't do it again, stop seeking her approval because you will never get it from someone like that."
Another said: "If she's going to be grumpy either way you might as well save yourself the £600 and look at her grumpy face for free."
However, not everyone was so sympathetic, as one angry user exclaimed: "I think you are being massively unreasonable. Unless your mum specifically said she wanted a 600 pounds spa day, why on earth did you spend so much money on it? Something she didn't even ask for.
"I can think of very few things worse than spending the whole day in a bloody spa. Absolutely bloody awful. I would tell my DC flat out 'you best get a refund, coz I'm not coming.'
"If that makes me miserable, so be it. But I'm too old and long in the tooth to be forced and bullied and emotionally blackmailed into doing things I don't want to do.
"I'm with your mum."
Another user commented a reasonable suggestion, saying: "If you think she'd actually enjoy the experience at all, maybe offer to give your place to a friend of hers who can tolerate her mean spirit?
"That way she can't complain about not getting a fabulous gift, but you don't have to put up with her pretending to be hating every second of it. It's a lot of money to spend but oh, the relief for you of not having to do it yourself!"
And one person concluded: "Blimey can I adopt you? I would adore to be taken on a spa day it’s my favourite thing ever.
"To be serious I would love to do anything with my adult children, spa days, lunch or even a walk and coffee. She seems very ungrateful."
Do you think the daughter is making the right decision? Let us know in the comments below.
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