I’ve been thinking a lot recently about the casual flaw of modern dating. In the beginning of any relationship we’ve been conditioned to play it cool, hold back from admitting how much we like someone. Women in their thirties aren’t allowed to quickly ask a man whether he wants kids, despite time-wasting being hugely dangerous, because what if he “freaks out” and leaves? When you’re younger, seeming less interested than you are is seen as a way to keep someone more interested. Let’s face it – that is absolutely mad, and yet it’s barely considered a problem.
The other problem, I’ve been noticing, is that it allows people to play the field. I saw it most recently in my friend Leila, who is currently seeing two guys – the one she works with knows about the other, met on Bumble. But the Bumble man doesn’t know about the work guy. The work guy gets on-and-off upset about the fact that she won’t make a choice; the app guy is on-and-off paranoid there’s someone else on the scene, and Leila gets increasingly stressed about him finding out, but also about making a decision – because which one is right? Secretly she believes neither would be right without the other because, different in every way, what if she needs both to feel content with either? Obviously, I told her to get out of both, if that was the case.
