Michelle Heaton has bravely opened up about the depths of her alcohol and drug addiction as she continues to move past the darkest time of her life.
The Liberty X singer is currently starring on Dancing On Ice, something she never thought possible after having to turn down the ITV talent show while in the depths of her struggles.
After being finally talked into a rehab stay by her devoted husband Hugh in 2020, Michelle is now celebrating 18 months sober.
Opening up about her journey, Michelle says she 'enjoyed' being an addict at the time and revelled in the chaos and manipulation she was causing.
Speaking in a very honest new podcast appearance, Michelle revealed her troubles did not start in pop star hey day where she lapped up the showbiz party lifestyle as a member of chart-topping band Liberty X and a regular on the reality TV circuit.
Michelle said her issues spiralled when she retreated from the limelight and settled into a quiet village life with husband Hugh Hanley and their two children.
"I didn't have an alcohol or drug problem in the celebrity era. My issues came later on in life... and it wasn't because I was around parties," she explained.
"It was actually in the very normal village where I lived and it was other people that I was hanging round with who enabled me to do more."
At her worst, Michelle was drinking up to a bottle of vodka and two bottles of wine every day, and taking cocaine.
Speaking to Renew Podcast, Michelle 'Believe in People' episode, Michelle told how she was sacked from a comeback appearance in a pantomime after being found collapsed on her dressing room floor.
Following the incident, Michelle said she went out to buy more vodka and 'didn't see anything wrong.'
"It was mental. I was a car crash."
She went on: "I liked what this mad alternative universe was doing because I was drinking away what i wanted to suppress.
Michelle said all of her close friends stopped wanting to see her as her troubles spiralled so she would find ways to 'manipulate' them to hang out with her again.
"I'm a good person, I'm kind and loving and love to make people feel good about themselves, and addiction stopped all that.
"It stopped me being who I am, but I couldn't see it. There was this new version of me.
"Because I was this person, and people didn't want to hang around with me, and I didn't know why, obviously it was because I was a car crash, I would manipulate situations so I could get friends to hang out with me."
"I'd manipulate my friendship group and shift my friends," she recalled.
After finally listening to her husband's pleas to get clean, Michelle has now been sober since April 2021.
She hailed her Dancing On Ice debut at the start of the month a 'celebration' of all that she's achieved so far.
“I still am in recovery and I work daily on it, the kids don’t work daily on it, they just see a happy, healthy mummy now.
“And so for having them in the audience on Sunday, I think there’s going to be a lot of emotion from them and myself. And just them feeling proud of me and my husband being there, and my friends who helped me along my way.
“It’s just a celebration, I think, I just want to say to celebrate that you can get over things and you can turn your life around because there was a point where it wasn’t going to be turned around and I’m just so grateful that I’m here.”
*Frank offers confidential advice about drugs and addiction (email frank@talktofrank.com, message 82111 or call 0300 123 6600) or the NHS has information about getting help.
