Dame Kelly Holmes has opened up about how her life before coming out.
The Olympics legend shared her truth earlier this year in June when she came out to the world as a lesbian. The sports superstar said she had lived a “secret life” for decades and decided it was time to be her authentic self.
Since then, the 52-year-old British athlete has been revealing what life was like for her as someone who wasn’t openly out as gay. Last night, Thursday, October 20, appearing on ITV's The Jonathan Ross Show, Dame Kelly was joined by Oscar-winning composer Hans Zimmer, model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, comedians Sara Pascoe and Chris McCausland when she revealed she lived through "34 years of fear” before coming out.
READ MORE: Famous faces support Graham Norton after he deletes twitter amid trans debate
Speaking openly about her mental health struggles, Dame Kelly said: “We talk a lot about mental health in society now, that drive to be excellent in any field has a real impact on how you feel your emotions anyway. I had a really bad, bad mental health problem when I was 33. I had a breakdown. I had a lot of issues that I was suppressing and then also with injuries. Back then, no one talked about mental health. I didn’t know really what that meant. Having a breakdown, becoming a self-harmer and then losing the plot made me realise that I’ve got nothing more to lose really.
“I won a silver medal at the World Championships within two weeks of the lowest point of my life where I didn’t want to be there. For me, that was empowering. To not want to be somewhere and have it in your head, this isn’t exaggerating, half of you wanting to die and half of you wanting to live because I had my dream to be Olympic champion and that’s why I did what I did. I just knew that in 2004 I couldn’t go any lower. I was still fighting.
The retired middle-distance athlete added: “I had so many injury problems, yet I won so many medals. It’s the whole bringing people on side and talking to people and letting them know you need help was a game changer for me. I’ve had a lot of issues as you know. Not being open as a gay woman, which I only announced this year in June after 34 years of fear.
“I was living with a lot of personal stuff, which a lot of people do go through, at the height of my career, a public figure, celebrated for being the first woman in the UK ever to win two gold medals at the same games, and then also the fear of what that meant being in the public eye and living with that fear for all of those years but even more so being the double Olympic champion Dame Kelly Holmes. The fear was so real, that to only be able to do that this year in June, I have to say it changed my life.”
Receive our weekly LGBTQIA+ newsletter by signing up here
Dame Kelly went on to explain how she is in a good place now and is a role model to others, adding: “I don’t think you realise the impact you have obviously as you do it for yourself. I’m more surprised now by the young kids that still say they’re inspired by my dream. The Lionesses - a couple of them were inspired by me. It’s amazing."
The charity CEO also discussed her involvement in the current independent review of the mistreatment of LGBT+ veterans in the army between 1967 and the year 2000 - when the homosexuality LGBT+ military ban was lifted.
She said: “We’re trying to get as many army veterans to come forward to give their account of the treatment they had. From my point of view, why I didn’t come out as a gay woman until June, was because I lived through the ban. I had one of the raids that you have. A raid means that the Royal military police come into your place of living, your barracks, completely destroy it … they’re in your space, in front of you, looking for any evidence to suggest that you could be having a relationship with someone. It’s humiliating, it’s degrading, it’s embarrassing. That fear was instilled in me from that day. I always thought I could still be jailed.
"Now you can live your life exactly how you want to live it in the forces. You can be who you want to be. Rightly so. The positive from that is the world has changed. The negative is people are walking the street, people you know that may have been in the army, people you know who may have been destroyed want justice.”
READ NEXT:
- Liverpool builders did not have password for account with £226k of match day car park cash
- Dad who was 'life and soul' of the party found dead in the middle of the night
- 'Hardworking' lad went out for 21st birthday and never came home
- Merseyrail issues 'major disruption' warning to passengers over power supply
- Millions of UK bank accounts to get £330 cash boost
