Home is…
South Cerney in the Cotswolds. I live in a house on a lake with my boyfriend and my kids. We’ve got two kittens, two rabbits and about 20,000 sea monkeys.
Where do you stay in London?
Dean Street Townhouse because it’s near Leicester Square and my favourite Chinatown restaurant. It’s literally called London Chinatown and the staff are really f***ing rude but the dim sum there is insane.
Where was your first flat in London?
I used to share a house with three Portuguese women in Shepherd’s Bush who used to slag me off in Portuguese. We shared a room and when they brought blokes back I had to go into the box room and sleep on a roll-out mattress. I learnt the Portuguese for ‘f*** me harder’ pretty quickly.
What was your first job here?
The only job I ever went for in London was when I auditioned to be a stripper at SophistiCats in Soho. The ad said ‘wear an evening dress’, so I turned up wearing a f***ing ballgown. I didn’t get the job.
Where would you suggest for a first date?
The Jack the Ripper walking tour in Whitechapel.
Where do you go Christmas shopping?
Anything on Oxford Street, so Primark, Ann Summers, Zara. And Hamleys and Harrods — even though I can’t afford anything. They’ve got a whole floor of baubles, and each bauble is like 50 quid.
Where do you go to let your hair down?
My brother and I used to go to a casino in Leicester Square as soon as I got my student loan. We thought we could double it, but we just lost all our money.
Where would you most like to be buried?
Highgate Cemetery. Apparently there are two rival vampire hunters there, so I’d love to come back and haunt them.
If you could buy any building in London and live there, which would it be?
Right at the top of the Shard, so I could throw down a penny and see if it actually goes through someone’s skull.
Best thing about London at Christmas?
Winter Wonderland, it’s really Christmassy and naff and gets me in the mood. You know what? If you hate it, just don’t go. There’s so many other bloody parks you can go to.
What would you do if you were Mayor for the day?
There’s this one Scottish steakhouse between Leicester Square and TottenhamCourt Road that’s an absolute trap. I’d go and shut that down.
What makes someone a Londoner?
Cycling to work and getting in sweaty fights with cab drivers.
What’s the best meal you’ve had?
Gaucho. The sweetcorn purée is the best thing I’ve ever eaten.
What’s your biggest extravagance?
Hair extensions and Botox. I’ve had to stop the Botox now because I can’t do my job — I can’t even frown!
Who is the most iconic Londoner?
Oh, Phil Mitchell.
What are you up to for work?
Writing the second season of Am I Being Unreasonable?, which we’re filming in March, and my game show with Alan Carr, Password, which launches on ITV in 2024.
What was the last thing you googled?
Jimmy Carr’s wife, because I did a show with him last night and thought he was fit, so I wanted to see if he was married.
