Mark Davies found out there was nothing more doctors could do for his incurable cancer over a Teams call. The consultant told him there and then he had weeks, maybe a couple of months, left to live.
Seven days later Mark sadly died leaving his wife and two young boys still trying to come to terms with his diagnosis. The 40-year-old had initially gone to his GP with stomach and back pain in March 2020 but the Covid pandemic was ramping up and Mark was only able to get a telephone appointment. His wife, Hannah, said he made 19 calls in total between April and June before he went to A&E in excruciating pain.
It was only then that doctors discovered the fit and active dad had stage four pancreatic cancer. Neither knew what that meant. Hannah said her first question was if you could live without your pancreas. "It was devastating, and it still is," Hannah said from her home in Penarth. "We knew it was inoperable but we had hope," she continued. Mark was put straight on to treatment and the couple hoped chemotherapy would at least buy him some time. He only managed two rounds of treatment. A pancreatic cancer breakthrough last year means diagnosis could soon be made three years earlier - read more here.
But after tests came back showing some worrying results six weeks after his initial diagnosis, Mark underwent an MRI scan and they received the results over a computer screen: the cancer had spread to his liver. "The consultant said chemo was no longer an option," said Hannah. "And that he had weeks, possibly months, left."
That was on a Thursday. By the weekend, Mark was heavily sedated due to severe pain and by the following Thursday he sadly passed away. It was all so quick, said Hannah who'd already started counselling with the Brecon Trust immediately after Mark's initial diagnosis.
"Our lives changed overnight," she said. "Grief for our previous life almost started at his diagnosis."
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The weekend before that devastating Teams call, the family had enjoyed a weekend together at St Michael's hospice in Hereford where Mark was already staying. There had been cake and rugby and their two boys - aged three and eight - had enjoyed themselves. Hannah decided they didn't need to see their dad heavily sedated in his final week and their lasting memory is of happier times, she said.
She met Mark at a New Year's Eve party at the Millennium stadium in Cardiff. They were seeing out 2004 with a 'Back to school' themed disco and both were visiting their respective friends in the capital city. They kept up a long-distance relationship for a couple of years until Hannah moved to Knighton to be with Mark.
She was a wife grieving her husband while her boys were sons grieving their dad. Hannah encouraged them to keep talking to each other and to express their emotions. Her youngest - Rupert - was too young to understand what death meant and only now three years later is he grasping the "finality" of death.
But the threesome have since moved to Penarth to be closer to Hannah's friends and family and have found a new life there and a community ready and willing to embrace them.
"I tried to keep life the same for the boys," Hannah explained. "It was just ever so painful to live in the shadow of our past life. I still expected Mark to walk through the door, put his lunchbox on the side and give me a kiss. The reality of knowing that wasn't going to happen again."
The move made things more real because Mark didn't move with them. She continued: "For a chunk of the day when Mark would've been at work I could carry on pretending that Mark was still here." The MMB engineer was "highly thought of" by his colleagues and they all wrote a condolences book which Hannah read to the boys which was emotional for them all. They described him as "inspirational", a "people person" and always being "there for others".
"Mark wanted people to live their best lives and to reach their potential," Hannah said. It's what she tells her boys now: to remember their dad and take comfort from the memories they have. It's harder some days than others she admitted: "Grief isn't linear," she said. "I wish it was." While her family had said Mark's diagnosis was the "hardest time of our lives", Hannah said: "Actually, living this life now is harder."
"Mark was a great man, a hands on dad and just a great human being. When I told my boys that he'd passed I said we have more memories with him than some children have in a lifetime."
But the speed of his illness over seven weeks and his final week was something that took them all by surprise. "Even though it felt like forever, at least he wasn't in pain," Hannah said. "But it didn't give us time to discuss his funeral or anything. He was 40, we didn't ever talk about those things. He didn't get to write a letter or make a video for the boys when they're a bit older.
"We were a great team. I can't second guess the fear he must've been feeling but it was painful to watch it. I can only begin to imagine what his fear was."
They kept hoping right to the end, Hannah added. And it's that which motivated her to raise awareness of pancreatic cancer following Mark's death and do as much as she could to educate people about the symptoms. In February she completed a challenge of walking a mile every day for 28 days in aid of Pancreatic Cancer UK. The Penarth Bears under 11’s rugby team joined her for her last mile and at the finish line 11-year-old Freddie told his mum how proud he was of her.
It was a moving moment for them all and a moment for the family of three to soak up the support from the people of Penarth.
"I did this challenge to raise awareness of pancreatic cancer which is one of those hidden cancers," she said. "It doesn't rear it's ugly head until it's in its last stages. Listen to your body and look out to what it's telling you. A high percentage of people are diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in A&E because their pain has got so severe."
She added: "Mark was a very brave and stoic man. When the consultant left after his diagnosis Mark just said to me: 'Two in one and I'm the one'."
You can still contribute to Hannah's fundraising efforts here.
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