There’s a Twilight reboot in the works, dark, bawdy and brilliant… only this time, it’s drenched in mango lassi and served with a side of frantic Asian mum. Count Abdulla, ITVX’s latest horror-filled comedy series, is gory, punchy – but difficult to really sink your teeth into.
When he’s bitten by a halal-hunting vampire while waiting for the bus, British-Pakistani Muslim doctor Abdulla Khan transforms into one of their kind. Only, deadlocked, as it were, between a conservative Muslim mother and his wayward friends, he is barely able to get the best of both worlds.
One moment Abdulla is the classic Asian mummy’s boy, and in the next breath he’s a backsliding, blasphemous Muslim: “Jesus Christ!” Over six episodes, we watch the twenty-something bumble through a series of cultural faux-pas – getting hideously drunk, choosing Halloween over Eid and watching porn in the breakroom. Yet, there are darker forces at play that threaten Abdulla and his community.
From the off, something isn’t quite right. We witness a young man leaving the mosque in a dimly-lit, subdued setting – a hint that someone is in for a rather nasty surprise. Besides islamophobia, there’s also a dominatrix vampire out on the hunt for fresh victims. She’s tried “the Jewish, Buddhists and Christians” but apparently “halal virgin blood tastes the best.”
Yes, it’s on the nose, but this Bollywood-slash-Bram Stoker tinged humour gives the show an authenticity that you rarely see on TV. With lines like “you’re pale enough to be on top of the arranged marriage market,” there will be the usual moans that the series feeds off tired old tropes. Grow up! is what I would say to that. The incredible cast, including Nina Wadia, Jaime Winsone and Arian Nik, inject some fresh blood into the classic gothic tale. And the tremendously zippy script written by Kaamil Shah is packed with hilarious moments that constantly update the vampire lore — serving as both a parody and surprisingly realistic picture of the Muslim experience. Speaking as a young British Muslim myself, here is a TV series that actually gets our community for what it is. A big bloody shot of UK modern Muslim life shoved right in your arm.
Admittedly there’s nothing all that new when it comes to Muslim storylines – the clash between an overbearing mother and a group of unscrupulous friends, a love triangle, arranged marriages, secrets, lies and the fall-out from them. You can find that in a Citizen Khan episode. What sets Count Abdulla apart from other comedies of its kind is Nik, and his unrivalled performance as Abdulla. Despite his cocky charisma and newly minted vampire identity, he is oddly relatable, so much so you’ll find yourself backing him and the blood sucking community. But equally fascinatingly, it shows us what Christian mythology looks like through the lens of Islam.
The smouldering, vampy seductress, Kathy, who is by far the funniest character, is played by a wonderfully haughty Winstone, smothered in leopard print and clutching a cigarette holder in one garishly gloved hand (vaping hasn’t made it to the vamp world yet). “Ay Mate! It’s dickheads like you dragging good vampires through the dirt”, she crows, hamming it up to the nines. The scene in which she turns Abdulla into a vampire is simply impossible to forget. Enraged by his trashy halloween costume, she accidentally goes in too deep and in a panic hastily stuffs a tampon into his open wound. Oops, better watch the fangs Kath!
Grotesqueries abound, but though the series is undoubtedly very blood-thirsty, after three episodes, it still doesn’t quite drive you batty. Abdulla, will you ever learn your lesson? Pining for the girl will get you nowhere and eating your mum’s garlic naan won’t do you much good either.
Still, ITVX’s horror-comedy offers some light relief and – in addition to the usual enjoyable conventions of its genre – a dynamic social commentary on race, religion and community cohesion. As Abdulla’s life gets progressively more and more wild, will his new Nosferatu identity take him even further away from God? He ultimately must decide whether he is on the side of the NHS, Allah or the immortal bloodsuckers.
