A Co Down woman has opened up about how she struggled to process her mum's shock cancer diagnosis.
Kirstie Greer, who has autism, had her world turned upside down when her mum Nuala, was diagnosed with lymphoma in October 2020.
The 24-year-old has spoken candidly about how she found it hard to understand the ever-changing situation regarding her mum's health, particularly when she fell seriously ill in a matter of days.
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She told Be: "It was such a shock when mum was diagnosed, we really weren’t expecting it. She had gone to A&E with pains and dehydration and then three days later we found out she had cancer. Around a week later, she took a turn for the worse and became, critically, critically ill.
"So it had got to the stage where we thought we would have to go up and say goodbye to her, that she wasn’t going to make it."
Completely thrown by what was happening to her mum, who has been Kirstie's carer since she was diagnosed with autism aged 14, the family sought out help.
"One of the cancer nurses mentioned to my dad about the Cancer Fund for Children and the day after someone came out and saw me.
"I was 14 when I was diagnosed with autism and I was taken out of school by my parents when I was 12 because the school setting wasn't working for me so I was homeschooled.
"So since I was 12, my mum was my carer she was constantly there every day, she cared for me and took me out to the shops, she took me out for lunch and to see friends and she helped me get my GCSEs. So once mum got sick I lost that and I had to grow up very, very quickly," added Kirstie.
The Cancer Fund for Children soon became a lifeline for the family and particularly for Kirstie.
She said: "I think because I do have a diagnosis of autism it made it ten times worse for me because it wasn’t concrete, mum may get better or she may not, she may get home or she may not and that was a lot of uncertainty for me, even with doctors couldn’t give me a definite answer but mum did make a miraculous recovery.
"Everyone was trying to protect me in a way but I wanted to know what happens, what happens if she doesn’t get better, or what happens if she does and the Cancer Fund for Children really helped me get my head around that."
Kirstie's dad Stephen hailed the charity for helping Kirstie understand the complexities of what was happening and just offering additional support.
He said: "I could tell Kirstie all about mum’s cancer but you know the way someone would listen to someone else rather than you so they [Cancer Fund for Children] filled in the blanks and I told them to be completely open and honest with her.
"It took quite a bit from my shoulders as well because Kirstie understood where I was coming from and believed what I was telling her and she had somebody she could go back and check things with. Maybe things that she didn’t understand, she could check with them, it was a Godsend for me, it really was."
Kirstie's mum Nuala did make what the family has called a 'miraculous recovery' but Covid made the time she was undergoing treatment very tough on them.
"I think with Covid and the lockdown that made it all the harder because I wasn’t allowed in to see her. My brother got married in November and to be able to go up and see her that day was brilliant, but it was all Covid restrictions so we had to wear a mask, a visor, an apron, be tested beforehand, we weren’t allowed to touch her or be in close contact. Although it was so lovely to see her, it was very, very difficult and it was upsetting.
"Two days after that we got the news that mum was critically ill and I couldn’t get my head around the fact that on Saturday she was talking, yes she was in a lot of pain, but she was awake and alert. I just couldn’t understand what was going on and why it was happening.
"But she did make a miraculous recovery. By the Tuesday of that week, she was a bit more lucid, more with it, and then the day after that she was able to start chemotherapy. So by the end of that week, she was up, she was talking, it was incredible."
Despite the challenges she was facing in coming to terms with what was happening with her mum, the Bangor woman said the support from the Cancer Fund for Children was 'fantastic'.
"During the time that mum was in hospital and just having someone to come out to the house and see me and answer any questions I had about her treatment or cancer in general, was just fantastic.
"Even just going out for a dog walk with someone else and not even having to talk about cancer or mum’s treatment just having someone to talk about something totally useless was really helpful.
"Then if I wanted to I could start the conversation about mum but it wasn’t forced on me which is nice."
Kirstie also became involved with the charities Youth Engagement programme which she admits was tough when she was away from home but also very rewarding,.
"Because of Covid we weren’t able to meet face to face a lot just via Zoom. Then we had a night in June 2021 and that was my first residential without any support with me and that was a big step.
"I found it very challenging and difficult but I’m glad that I did it. They were really encouraging and helping me take my mind of it. But I did it and even my cancer specialist was really proud of me because it was such a big thing being away from home and away from mum, because she was going through chemotherapy at that time and there was a lot going on.
"I think the nicest thing about the group was you didn’t have to constantly explain yourself, everyone was on the same boat so it was quite nice to know in a way, yes it was a group for cancer, but you could also forget for a while about cancer and just get on with whatever activity you were doing."
Kirstie continued: "Even when I was away in London for six weeks my mum was getting stem stell treatment and I was still able to have that support, I could pick up the phone and give them a text to say things were rough or hard and even though I was away from home they were still there for me. The support over there really helped me get through the difficult days. The support has been hugely beneficial for me."
Cancer Fund for Children also has a special retreat called Dasiy Lodge specifically for families going through cancer, which Kirstie said was a real treat for them.
"Daisy Lodge down in Newcastle is fantastic. Myself, mum and dad were able to go down there after mum had some of her treatment and it was lovely just being somewhere and knowing that we were safe. Mum was incredibly open to infection, so to be able to go down to Daisy Lodge for two nights as a family and not have to worry about Covid or infection or anything, we were just able to relax and get looked after. It was a nice break for us all."
Daisy Lodge has now been given a new space for families to enjoy with the opening of their new Narnia Garden.
Officially opened on April 29, the area is a stunning addition to Daisy Lodge, the Cancer Fund for Children’s therapeutic centre in an area of outstanding natural beauty between Newcastle and Tollymore Forest Park.
The £10,000 project, which was funded by The National Lottery Community Fund , was undertaken in partnership with the Northern Ireland Prison Service (NIPS), with much of the work carried out by prison staff and men in their care from the Horticulture Department at Maghaberry Prison.
The Narnia Garden was named after the mythical land created by Belfast-born fantasy writer CS Lewis who was inspired by the majestic beauty of the Mourne Mountains.
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