Cardi B has opened up about her anxieties surrounding fame and revealed that she feels she can’t be herself “anymore”.
The rapper’s comments come after she sparked backlash with a “joke” that allegedly alluded to drug use during a Met Gala after-party, and after rumours of a feud between herself and Billie Eilish.
“I really feel like I’m a prisoner of fame,” she said during an Instagram Live on Tuesday, which has since been shared on YouTube. “I can’t be myself anymore. I hate fame.”
After walking the Met Gala red carpet in Atelier Versace on Monday evening, Cardi hosted Playboy’s The Boom Boom After Party at The Standard in New York City. In several videos posted to social media, the rapper is seen onstage encouraging guests to enjoy themselves. “Tonight we’re going to have fun,” she said, before urging guests to drink, and making a gesture that some claimed alluded to drug use.
The Met Gala drama continued after a video clip from the party appeared to show Eilish calling Cardi B “weird”. However, Cardi, whose real name is Belcalis Almanzar, shared an exchange between herself and Eilish in their Instagram direct messages on Tuesday that cleared the rumours.
“I got offered to host this party with Playboy,” Cardi said in her Instagram Live. “I make one joke as a hostess, because I’m hosting a party, and it just gets twisted. Why can every celebrity joke around but when I say it, it gets blown out of content [sic]?”
The Bronx-born native then revealed that she feels like she hasn’t been herself since 2013, and that she wishes she could turn back time.
“Fame is just like ... I hate it here,” she said. “If I could click my f**king feet three times and go back to f**king 2013 when I was just a regular b***h dancing and making money every single night, that’s where I wanna be. That’s when I was me. Not even. 2016, that’s when I was me,” the rapper said, referring to the year before she released her debut song Bodak Yellow.
Last month, Cardi deactivated her Twitter account after being criticised by fans for not attending the 2022 Grammys.
During her Instagram Live, the 29-year-old rapper claimed she would have deleted all of her social media accounts if it weren’t for her Facebook Watch series, Cardi Tries. Cardi also compared her fame to her days back at school, when she would be called to the principal’s office for doing something wrong. “No matter what I do and how good I try to behave, I always end up in the principal’s office. That’s how I feel about fame,” she said. “I have developed this thing called anxiety because I’m scared, I’m tired.”
“If you ever wish to be rich and famous, don’t wish to be famous,” she continued. “I’m so sick of it. I hate it. Why me? I feel like god cursed me with fame.”
Cardi B shares two children with her husband, Migos rapper Offset. In April, the couple decided to publicly share the name of their son, Wave Set Cephus, who was born in September 2021. In an interview with Essence, Cardi explained their decision to keep his name private stemmed from a desire to protect their family from trolls on the internet.
“We went through a lot of sad things when it comes to Kulture - terrible behaviour that not even the older kids have ever been through,” Cardi said about their three-year-old daughter, Kulture Kiari Cephus. “So many people will post mean, disgusting things, just to get a reaction from us.”
