Jaguars receiver Calvin Ridley penned an emotional Players’ Tribune essay discussing his mental health and suspension from the NFL after betting on games in the 2021 season.
The essay, published Wednesday, comes two days after Ridley was reinstated by the league nearly a year and a half after his last NFL snap. The 28-year-old wrote he did not want to “sugar coat” anything, saying gambling was the “worst mistake of [his] life.” He also discussed his depression and anxiety at the time of the incident, spoke about his childhood and gave readers a candid look into his inner struggles.
“This is hard for a dude like me to talk about, but I want to be real with everybody,” Ridley wrote. “Back then, I was depressed. I was battling anxiety. I didn’t even want to leave my house. Football was the only thing that ever gave my life meaning, and I couldn’t even find any joy in that at the time. Honestly, I couldn’t even get up off the chair in my living room. Everything was just … dark.”
Ridley recounted the 2020 season—his career-best year—which he says he played most of on a broken foot. An Atlanta trainer chalked up the Week 8 injury to a bone bruise. But a staff overhaul after the season led to the hiring of a new trainer who sent him to a foot specialist. That’s when it was revealed the foot was “definitely broken” a mere two months before the season’s start. Ridley wrote that he pushed through, rushing back from surgery to training camp and appearing in five regular-season games in ’21.
“I still couldn’t plant without painkillers,” the Alabama product wrote. “So you get trapped in this cycle where it’s like, ‘If you take this pill, you can run.’ … I suited up Week 1 a shell of myself, but I played.”
His anxiety only worsened after his family home was robbed, something he discovered when returning home from the Week 1 matchup vs. the Eagles. He said he told the team before their Week 5 London game against the Jets that he needed help and missed the game. He’d play his final snap with the Falcons against the Dolphins the next week before taking a leave of absence for his mental health.
On gambling, he wrote that he did it because it was “literally just for something to do.” When people would ask what he was thinking, he said he wasn’t.
“One day, I saw a TV commercial for a betting app, and for whatever reason, I downloaded it on my phone,” he wrote. “I deposited like $1,500 total. … I was going to bet like $200 on some NBA games that night, but then I just added a bunch more games to a parlay. I put the Falcons in on it. I was just doing it to root on my boys, basically. I didn’t have any inside information. I wasn’t even talking to anybody on the team at the time. I was totally off the grid ...
“When you’re depressed, you’re not thinking about anything in the future. You’re just trying to get through the day.”
The NFL suspended the wideout for “at least” the 2022 season on March 7 of last year. He reportedly wagered $3,900 on six bets during the ’21 season, including parlays and an in-game wager that involved Atlanta. In November, in the midst of his suspension, Ridley was traded to the Jaguars.
Now reinstated and ready for the 2023 season, Ridley wrote that with Trevor Lawrence and Jacksonville, he will put up a 1,400-receiving-yards season. He thanked the Jaguars for having faith in his future and the Atlanta team for the past.
“Football saved my life. It’s still my purpose. I still love it, maybe now more than ever,” he wrote. “I know I have a debt to pay back to the game. But when y’all talk about the name Calvin Ridley in 10, 20, 30 years … I’m gonna make sure it rings out for the right reasons.”
