Over the years, I’ve spent many a weekend at the holiday homes of generous friends. Some might say I’m a seasoned freeloader, but I prefer to see my role as that of life-enhancer. With just the right balance of bonhomie and shutting-the-heck-up plus a healthy measure of home helper, I have been the lucky recipient of many repeat invitations.
The perfect weekend guest is the one who leaves the smallest footprint but the longest shadow. As holiday season approaches, here are some tips that will enhance your odds of a return invitation.
1. BYO linen
Before you arrive, offer to bring your own sheets and towel. No host wants to spend their free time in the laundry. If your visit has necessitated a flight and the baggage allowance doesn’t stretch to BYO bed linen, be sure to change your sheets for the next guest and put yours in the wash. If time allows, hang it out on the line before you leave.
2. Bring a thoughtful gift – or cook a meal
Check in with their likes and dislikes with food, drink or scents. Offer to take the host out for a meal, or cook a meal yourself. Consider bringing something already prepared to avoid taking up valuable real estate in the kitchen during the witching hour, and clean up as you go.
Or take a box of kindling or pine cones for the fire, a favourite bottle of wine, or cake of soap. Make sure your gift demonstrates you care, and that you’ve taken note of their preferences. There is no greater proof of affection.
3. Make yourself useful
Learn how to set the fire, operate the coffee machine or stack the dishwasher according to the rules of the house. Your host will love you for it.
4. Take your lead from the host
Know when to engage and when to withdraw. Keep the scintillating conversation for the cocktail hour. The offer of tea or coffee is a sign the bar is closed for the evening. If the host yawns, get thee to bed.
5. Be independent
Don’t rely on the host for your entertainment. Bring a book, go for walks, take yourself off for a drive. My habit of taking my laptop and a lightweight card table to my most regular weekend stays means I can spend a lazy afternoon in my bedroom tapping away while my host toils in the garden, both of us happy as clams.
6. Leave a legacy
A stacked woodpile, a weed-free garden or a bird poo-free balcony – this sets a precedent but, with any luck, one magnanimous gesture will cover you for a few visits. If you’re handy, a dazzling bit of DIY – with the host’s consent – will almost certainly assure you a return invitation.
7. Be pleasant company
See steps one to six. As I near the end of an idyllic month-long stay in France with friends, I’m feeling quietly optimistic. The test of whether or not I’ve mastered this long-term guest thing will come in the days and weeks after my departure, in the form of ominous silence or fond messages describing a me-shaped hole that can only be filled by my imminent return. But I’ll settle for a “miss you”.
