SAN DIEGO — As a 12-year-old living in South London, a tall-beyond-her-age girl romping around a neighborhood field caught the eye of the manager for the Chelsea Ladies program.
Unlike many others in Chelsea's senior division, Casey Stoney did not own a driver's license. What she possessed, though, was an intriguing cocktail of skill, confidence and unimpeachable work ethic.
That revealed itself at 10, when the only girl in an all-boys league fought through the ribbing and derision to become team MVP.
"You're not legally supposed to play (seniors) until you're 14, so we used to fake my date of birth on my registration forms," said Stoney, 39, the first coach in the history of San Diego Wave FC. "We didn't have any money, so we didn't know if we could afford it. The manager let me play for half price and would pick up me up for Friday night training because my mom worked pub shifts.
"The first game with the seniors, I subbed. We were down 2-nil with 20 minutes to go. I scored, set up another goal and we won 3-2."
The debut manager for the first women's club at legacy brand Manchester United stiff-arms dusty stereotypes about limits, ceilings and gender roles. Put a ball in front of her and let her compete. Hand her a group of players and keys to the stadium, then watch what happens.
Stoney was told she did not deserve to play for England. Four years later, she was named captain of the national team … by the same person.
"Hope (Powell), the manager, rang me up," Stoney said. "Bear in mind, this is the same manager who told me I wasn't good enough to even step on the pitch. I felt like I earned her respect. … I thought about the hard times, when I stuck with it. I remember being quite emotional about it."
To understand Stoney, drift beyond the resume, though it wows by any measure. She played in three World Cups. She captained England's 2012 Olympic team. Manchester United? That spotlight proved the respect extended beyond her playing days.
Little may signal her ability to reshape thinking more, however, than internet rumors tying Stoney to the top spot with men's club Wrexham AFC — co-owned by American actors Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney.
Stoney tweeted an acknowledgement to her 100,000 followers, directing the "lovely people on here that are abusing me for even being linked with a job in the men's game" to "lower your blood pressure." Not one to flinch, she added "if you have a daughter, sister, wife or mother you should be ashamed."
Reminded of the moment in the internet crosshairs, Stoney smiled.
"To be linked to a men's club is amazing," she said. "But I was at Manchester United and people see Wrexham as a step up. That tells you where the women's game is. And no, there was absolutely no truth in it."
There's a smoldering ferocity to Stoney's defense of her sport, her values, her players. That's one of the reasons Jill Ellis, a two-time, British-born World Cup-winning coach and president of Wave FC, gushed about securing Stoney.
Ellis stood up to U.S. queen-makers about rethinking investment in the team, improving facilities and increasing travel to pump up schedule strength to sharpen America's soccer iron. The split between Stoney and Manchester United a year ago swirled around many of the same issues.
Stoney stewed about differences in how the club treated women as opposed to the men. Saddle burrs included the lack of onsite dressing facilities, food discrepancies and a limited budget.
In the end, Stoney was willing to walk away from one of the biggest soccer names on the planet.
"What I saw, I could relate to her on so many levels," Ellis said. "Someone who's had to advocate for the women's game and truly believes in championing the game. The minute I had a conversation with her, I thought, 'Goodness, this would be a tremendous hire.'
"There were so many things that were instantly attractive, but the thing that kind of sealed the deal with me, she said, 'I want to be with a club that can match my ambition.' "
Wave FC did that, and more.
"The fact that we were going to have our own training grounds, which coming from England, that doesn't ever happen," Stoney said. "I've never played for a club or been part of a club where the women's teams have their own training grounds.
"In terms of facilities and resources, that's a huge gain for us. It shows the investment in the team."
Stoney felt it bone-deep before she ever stepped foot on the San Diego pitch.
"I went to see the (Surf Sports Park) training facility where we were going to be based," she said. "As I came over the hill, I saw hundreds of girls playing soccer and I was like, 'This is what it's all about.' I've got two little girls and I want them to see that. I want them to see it's encouraged and it's a huge part of life over here.
"They're not told couldn't, shouldn't."
Earning respect
As a girl in Essex, Stoney and other kids raced around a cul-de-sac until the sun dipped below the horizon and neighborhood dinners cooled. There were two rules: Enjoy yourself and do not cross the line at the edge of the road.
After Stoney's parents divorced, she and her brother moved with their mother to London. Once there, the big city reshaped opportunities.
"In Essex, we could swim for free," Stoney said. "When we moved to London, we didn't have a lot of money. You had to pay to swim. My mom could afford for one of us to swim, but I had a brother, too. So, both of us stopped swimming."
Stoney's mother soon was uniquely incentivized to put her daughter into soccer.
"There were no girls' teams," Stoney said. "My mom found a local boys' team to play for. I think she got sick of me breaking the plants in the back garden."
Since mom routinely worked seven days a week, Stoney's grandfather would drive her to training sessions and games.
Transportation was far from the sole hurdle.
"The first time I turned up, the boys were like, 'Girls don't play football,' " Stoney said. "I was like, 'This could be a long hour and a half.' I soon showed them I could. That's how you earn people's respect, by showing them."
When she turned 11, the soccer spigot shut off in a blink.
"Then in England, mixed sports was banned when you turned 11," Stoney said. "I got effectively banned overnight. The first year in the girls' league, I scored like 100 goals, but it wasn't what I wanted it to be. I liked playing with the boys. I liked the challenge. I liked the competitiveness."
Stoney continually sought out bigger and stiffer tests. She climbed the ladders available to her, rising to England's national team. Being named captain of that team constituted a defining moment in her life.
As fast as sports can reward, they can gut.
The memory of captaining on her home soil and hometown in the 2012 Olympics began as a dream, before cratering.
"We won our three group games, we win the group, we play at Wembley (Stadium) in front of like (71,000)," Stoney recalled. "I never ever thought in a million years I'd get to play there. I got to lead my team out. I got to play there. We beat Brazil there.
"Then we got to the quarterfinals and bombed out. That was a real low for me."
Stoney, crushed by the disappointment, climbed into a car to climb out of her reeling head.
"I got into a car and drove to France with my partner and I stayed there for two weeks," she said. "I had to get away, because we were about to get back into our league seasons and I was not psychologically in a place where I felt like I could perform if I didn't clear my head. I was captain. I always felt a huge responsibility.
"I knew medal in the Olympic Games could have changed the game in our country. I felt we missed an opportunity to do that, and I felt a responsibility for that."
A collapse in Euro 2013 also haunts Stoney.
Soon after, Powell — the manager who put the captain's band on Stoney's arm — was sacked, in English parlance. New manager Mark Sampson told her she was "firmly in the frame" to maintain the leadership role.
"Fast forward two months and I'm at home, watching a TV show he's on when he says he's going to name his new captain," she said. "He'd forgotten to tell me. That's how I found out.
"It was a real low moment. 'Is my career over?' When you take away the captaincy and they left me off the next quad, where does that leave me? But I don't quit. Excuse my language, but I rolled up my sleeves and was like, '(Screw) you, I'll show you.' I'm not going to end this way."
Stoney mined for lessons that would serve her later.
"I already knew he had gone for a coffee with the person and told them they were going to be captain," she said. "So, he didn't have the same respect for me, which still irks me a little bit.
"But I see that as a huge positive as a head coach, because I've learned so much in those moments about how I would manage things differently."
And for those on Wave FC, she did.
"I feel like a completely different player in this environment," said defender Tegan McGrady, who helped lead Stanford to the 2017 national championship. "I don't feel the need to look over my shoulder. Every time I make a mistake, I don't feel that pressure of needing to impress every second.
"Getting the feedback in such a positive way is so different than I've experienced … over my entire career. I'm really loving her style of coaching."
Veteran forward Jodie Taylor overlapped with Stoney at the tail end of the coach's English career.
"As a teammate, she was a natural leader," Taylor said. "She essentially was kind of a coach who was still playing. She was very vocal, but also led by example. Very professional. Her communication is very good. She's very caring about people and wants them to succeed. She put the team first above herself. That was very evident, very clear.
"And I heard great things about her as a manager (at Manchester United)."
Taylor was not the only one.
No 'lip service'
Accepting a job in the United States stacked up myriad challenges for Stoney, who had rarely been to America and never visited the West Coast.
She was starting a club from the basement up. She was working with a range of players that included Americans shaped differently, in terms of approach and tactics. New culture, on the pitch and off. New climate. New food. New everything.
The daunting transition began within pitch-length of the U.S. border.
"There were visa and COVID issues," Stoney said. "To try and get a visa at the American Embassy in London, the in-person appointments were going to be months away. I could actually get the visa quicker at the American Consulate in Tijuana. So, I flew from England to Germany to Mexico City, then to Tijuana.
"Stayed there for four days. Got my visa. Then I got transport across the border, where I got stopped, taken out the car and sat in a room over an hour while they took my photo and fingerprints. They took my phone.
"I didn't know what was going on. That was a terrifying experience for someone abroad. I was hoping that wasn't a sign."
After a Wave FC employee who spoke Spanish sorted through things with Mexican authorities, Stoney found out she simply needed a $6 permit.
More chaos awaited.
"I spent four weeks being completely overwhelmed, because everything is different," Stoney said. "First, it's so expensive here. Secondly, little things like the food. OK, I want some Heinz Beanz and I can't get any. I went the wrong way on the road. Even stupid things like getting into the car and reaching (over my right shoulder) for my seat belt and it's not there. It's all those little things you're used to.
"But when I got on the pitch with players, it felt like home."
Soothed by Southern California sunsets, Stoney began to find her footing. The coach Wave officials welcomed only reinforced the decision to allow her to begin molding important clay.
"Myself and leadership were struck by Casey the coach and Casey the person," Ellis said. "She kept talking about work ethic, how you treat people, doing things right way. It wasn't lip service."
With Stoney, it never is.
———
Wave FC coach Casey Stoney
Casey Stoney, the first coach in San Diego Wave FC history, grew up in Essex and London.
— Age: 39
— Soccer credentials: Played for five club teams in England and on three World Cup teams (2007, '11, '15). … Captain of England in 2012 Olympics. … Debut coach of the women's club at Manchester United, leading the group to the FA Women's Championship (18-1-1) and promotion to the FA Women's Super League in her inaugural season.
— Family: Wife, Megan. Children Teddy and Tilly (7), and Willow (4).
