Protecting or considering people’s feelings is important, but not at the expense of distorting their sense of reality or putting up with their mistreatment of others. The intention behind the various statements and actions is something that may help to navigate between the two.
This Redditor raised this question when he told his sister he was disgusted by her behavior, but was unsure if he was being too harsh by doing so in front of their mom.
More info: Reddit
A 17-year-old snapped at his sister and asked if he was too harsh in front of their mom
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
It all started when a 25-year-old cheated on her boyfriend and stole his dog for breaking up with her
Image credit: u/LocalJumpode9394
Image credits: Johann (not the actual photo)
Image credit: u/LocalJumpode9394
The older sister even claimed she would ‘put the dog down’ as petty revenge
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
The teenager called the sister’s ex and gave the dog back to his owner
A 17-year-old brought his story to the Reddit AITAH community online, asking if he was a jerk to tell his mom he was disgusted by the sister’s behavior and confirm that he meant every word.
The teenager explained that his older sister cheated on her boyfriend and after he broke up with her, the 25-year-old stole his dog and brought it home. The woman even went as far as threatening to “put the dog down” as her revenge.
The boy called his sister’s ex as soon as she was away and opened the door, so the man could pick up his dog. The sister was furious and accused the teenager of siding against the family.
At this point, the brother snapped, telling his sister she was a vile, disgusting person and he was ashamed of being related to her for what she did. The siblings’ mother tried to calm the brother down, saying that his language was uncalled for.
The boy did not back down and confirmed he meant every word. As his mom looked hurt by his words, the teenager asked if he should have tried to hide his contempt from his mom to avoid hurting her feelings.
The woman accused her brother of going against family, so he snapped and said he was disgusted by her behavior
Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
The siblings’ mom claimed there was no need for such language, so the boy confirmed he meant it and asked to move in with his dad
Speaking up and being authentic in personal relationships was discussed by Dr. Assael Romanelli, who brought up the well-known practice in theatre improvisation also applicable elsewhere, which is called “say the thing” and means verbalizing the reality of the moment and striving to name what is happening right now in the relationship.
While not saying the truth in personal relationships is often associated with an effort to avoid mistakes, lower conflicts, and protect oneself or others from pain and hurt, the price is often too high to pay. Romanelli listed overly sterile communication, forcing another person to mind-read one’s intentions, exhaustion, boredom, stagnation and lack of vulnerability and intimacy.
The positives of speaking one’s mind and being direct and clear even when it is not something positive, as listed by Romanelli, included a likely increase in confidence and personal growth of people involved. Naturally, it also tends to make the communication more efficient, as a person gets a clear picture of where another person stands, making mutual mind mapping easier.
Finally, being truthful in personal relationships also tends to contribute to deeper intimacy; by being honest, one encourages the other person to be honest in the relationship as well, becoming less afraid of ruptures, and more willing to initiate repairs.
Coming back to the original story, the OP’s post gathered 15.1k upvotes on Reddit and people judged the brother was not a jerk in this situation. The 17-year-old eventually made an update about moving in with his dad.
Redditors shared their takes on the situation
