Weddings can be challenging for people with disabilities. Such occasions are famously known to be loud and crowded, which can quickly become overwhelming, especially for those with less visible conditions like autism, ADHD, or neurodiversity. Naturally, they might not do their best in such a setting, making it an unpleasant experience.
That’s why this couple decided to exclude the groom’s brother from their wedding. However, his parents, who deny his condition, started an argument about it, insisting that they reconsider.
It’s entirely up to the couple to decide who they exclude from their wedding
Image credits: Irina Iriser / pexels (not the actual photo)
However, when this couple wanted to exclude the groom’s brother, their parents strongly disagreed
Image credits: piasupuntongpool / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Correct_Royal_4033
A quarter of people with autism spectrum disorder haven’t been diagnosed officially
It’s estimated that globally, 1 person in 100 has autism. These are quite rough estimates, as around a quarter of people with autism spectrum disorder haven’t been diagnosed officially.
“Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) varies so much from person to person,” explains Ruth Williams, wedding and event planner at Eventaholics, whose son was diagnosed with this disorder at 6.
“Some people get overwhelmed by lots of sensory input (bright lights, loud noises, new smells, being too hot or cold, etc.) or even a lack of it (sitting quietly for a long time), others may be anxious about not having control of events and uncomfortable being out of routine and others struggle to understand what’s socially acceptable behaviour or panic among lots of people they don’t know.”
The saying “If you’ve met one autistic, you’ve met one autistic” summarizes the condition perfectly. This means that all autistic people are unique but can also share traits that are typical of the condition, like finding social communication and interaction difficult.
When it comes to inviting them to celebrations like weddings, there are definitely some dos and don’ts to consider. But what matters the most is communication. “If you know someone you’re inviting is autistic, the best thing to do is ask them what you could do to help them feel as comfortable as possible. Anxiety is often a huge element so ask if there’s anything in particular about the day that they’re worried about,” says autistic adult and parent, writer, public speaker, and activist Heidi Mavir.
They might even prefer to sit the occasion out, as crowds of people may not be their kind of pleasant day. That’s why it’s important to reach out to them.
“Making sure their needs are met whenever possible should also be important to you”
If a person with autism spectrum disorder is attending, experts suggest a few things to make their experience more comfortable, as their needs are also important even when the day’s focus is on the couple.
“Weddings represent so much more than just two (or more!) people committing their hearts and lives to each other,” says Kirsten Palladino, a neurodivergent and severely hearing-impaired wedding expert from EquallyWed. “At the center, yes, that’s the focus. But it’s also a time to honor the people in your life who support and celebrate your relationship. These people are important to you, so making sure their needs are met whenever possible should also be important to you.”
Since a lot of details can be disruptive and cause stress at weddings for autistic people, Heidi recommends giving back some of the control to them. This could mean sharing the wedding timetable so they know when to prepare themselves for possible triggers or choose moments they might not participate in. Or providing a sense of familiarity by seating them next to a person they know and informing them about it. Choosing a few of their favorite songs can provide some comfort as well.
Another thoughtful thing that the couple can do for a person with autism spectrum disorder is to provide them with a quiet area where they can escape all the hustle and bustle. This can make all the difference in deciding to stay or leave the celebration.
“Make it clear to your wedding guests with autism that there will be no pressure to take part in things that make them feel uncomfortable. If they’d rather not be in group photos that’s okay. Don’t want to join the conga? No shame!” Heidi adds.
However, it’s important to keep in mind that what works for one person may not be as effective for another. Therefore, the couple should communicate with all necessary parties and take the time to plan and think everything through properly.
Some readers sided with the groom, saying that it was the parents’ fault
Others felt that it was wrong to exclude the brother because of his disability
