A bride-to-be has come under fire for the treatment of her bridesmaid who admitted to struggling with her mental health.
Planning a wedding can be extremely stressful but one bride has been branded a 'bridezilla' on an online forum. She asked if she was being unreasonable to ignore a bridesmaid who stepped away from the role after explaining she was struggling to keep up with the demand.
In a lengthy post, the bride fumed after she said she felt she had been let down by her friend, known only as 'Mary'. She explained that Mary does suffer from mental health issues, with a history of post natal depression and anxiety but she argued her wedding should come first and it needs a lot of support.
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Her friend, however, said it was too much, with a number of Whatsapp chat groups and planning. Now, the bride says she doesn't even want her at her wedding and hasn't spoken to her in weeks.
While she took to Mumsnet to look for sympathy, her post rapidly filled with hundreds of comments, slamming her for being 'entitled' and unkind to her friend.
The bride wrote: "I am getting married, I have already had one wedding celebration and I am planning my big wedding day that is taking place on Saturday. Around six months ago I asked my group of friends to be my bridesmaids.
"For my other wedding celebration, I did not have bridesmaids but one of the girls I asked went above and beyond to make my day extra special. A few months later, I asked this girl, let’s call her Mary, to be one of my six bridesmaids.
"Mary was great at helping me plan my wedding for over a year before asking her to be a bridesmaid but once I asked her - the pressure became too much. My wedding is very DIY and I need lots of support including researching wedding things and being on hand to decorate the venue with me the night before. There is also a couple of Whatsapp groups that I asked Mary to be part off.
"The only other thing I should maybe mention is that I was asking the bridesmaids to pay for their own dress, shoes, hair, make up and accommodation etc for the night before the wedding.
"I told them up front about the dress and it’s just how it’s done in my circle. After a month of the bridesmaids being involved and planning the hen night, Mary became unhappy as a bridesmaid and she found the notifications on the Whatapp groups too much."
The bride explained how Mary was struggling: "She told me that she was suffering with her mental health and I know she has anxiety. Last year she had post natal depression after giving birth.
"I can understand that she felt the wedding planning to much, but I felt let down and that she should have made those sacrifices for me as I would do the same for her. She told me that she was backing out of being a bridesmaid but not a friend but, I still felt very let down. All of the other girls can show up for me so why can’t she?"
The bride-to-be continued: "After it was decided she won’t be a bridesmaid she tried to stay in touch with me and I did go a whole month of not talking to her. Eventually I tried to call and make an effort but, it has not be the same since and I just feel so let down as this is my wedding and I feel she should be there for me.
"I did get the feelings but she never said that the costs were a factor as I know she is also saving up for a house deposit with her partner but, weddings cost money and she should have known this going in when she accepted to be my bridesmaid.
"When she decided to not be a bridesmaid anymore we agreed that she would still come to the hen night and the wedding as a guest. But, after everything that happened I just didn't feel comfortable with this anymore.
"My maid of honour [MOH] was supposed to get in touch with her about the hen but I just didn’t want her to do this and I feel that Mary should have got in touch with me or the MOH closer to the hen rather than the other way around."
She argued: "At the end of the day, I am the one being let down here.
"But, the hen was a couple of weeks ago and she never even got in touch once to ask about the details. She saw the photos from it on my Instagram story but never reacted.
"I wasn’t bothered as I didn’t want her there but now my wedding is this weekend and I haven’t told her she isn’t invited anymore and she hasn’t mentioned it either. I have no idea if she is planning to come and I don’t know what to make from her silence.
"I heard through a mutual friend that she feels let down by me. Apparently, I should understand that she was having really bad mental health issues and that the wedding planning was causing her extreme anxiety.
"She said she feels disappointed that all the nice things she did for me in my other wedding celebration was forgotten about but we have both done nice things for each other over the years.
"Apparently she is seeing a counsellor and doesn’t like big crowds. I am not even sure if this is all true. Our mutual friend apparently tried to encourage her to get in touch and ask if she is still invited but she doesn’t want to because she feels she has reached out enough and I haven’t responded much.
"We used to talk all of the time but, I just feel so let down by Mary that I think her actions of backing out as a bridesmaid is unforgivable. I guess I wanted some advise on whether I am being unreasonable to not talk to Mary much and whether her mental health issues are valid in this situation?"
Comments quickly stacked up, with many, in disbelief of how she was acting, questioning if the writer was being honest.
One hit back: "You will look back at your behaviour in a few years time and think you were INSANE. A 'couple' of Whatsapp groups, about one wedding?! Bloody hell!"
A second argued: "This is a joke right? Why would anyone prioritise their mental health for someone else's wedding."
"I think you've treated her very badly," a third said.
Another sympathised with the former bridesmaid and future husband: "Mary has had a lucky escape bless her! Your poor poor husband."
"She let you know that she was suffering with her mental health and could not go above and beyond for you anymore so you dropped her as a friend. You let her down. Her health trumps your wedding.
"Surprised you have any bridesmaids left after the demands you placed on them and making them pay for their own dresses, accommodation etc," a fifth added.
Another slammed: "You have been incredibly unkind and uncaring to Mary! She made your first wedding incredibly special. Then she was poorly but you still think it's all about you and she should have just stuck with it anyway. This is her health. You do sound a complete bridezilla!"
And one hit back: "If this is serious, then read this back and tell me that you aren’t being rather entitled. And as for expecting someone with anxiety who knows they have upset you to contact you for hen do details....Well I couldn’t bring myself to ask for details of something I hadn’t received an invite for. And uninviting her from the wedding but not telling her - no wonder you’re confused whether she is coming."
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