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Kelly Rissman
US News Reporter
A bride has sparked outrage after she asked her friends to plan her a bachelorette party despite not inviting them to the wedding.
In a recent post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” Reddit forum, a woman shared how one of her best friends, who she referred to as Jane, is getting married to her partner Brad soon. She then explained some of the wedding plans that Jane had previously discussed.
“Jane has always expressed that she wants me and a handful of our other closest friends to be her bridesmaids and to have a destination wedding,” she explained. “When I saw Jane and Brad the day they got engaged, one of the first things Jane said to me was how excited she was for me and our other friend to be her bridesmaids.”
However, she explained that Jane’s stance on the wedding recently changed, noting that her friend “decided to have a tiny destination wedding in Colorado,” with “only immediate family” invited to save money. While there will be a “casual party” for the rest of the couple’s friends and family, there won’t be a “sit down dinner” or ceremony after, so this is “very clearly not a second wedding.” The Reddit user then shared her candid thoughts about not being invited to the actual wedding.
“Even though I was disappointed and hurt to hear that I would not be invited to the actual wedding, I understand that it is their right to have whatever kind of wedding they want, and if it is not important to her that her best friends be there, that’s her choice,” she added.
She acknowledged that the one thing that did “irk” her was that Jane wanted to do many of the popular events leading up to a wedding, even though she doesn’t have a bridal party.
“Jane still expects a bridal shower, a long weekend trip to an expensive destination for her bachelorette party, and mentioned a registry for wedding gifts,” the post continued. “I find it a bit ridiculous that she still expects to have these things thrown by and (presumably) paid for by people who AREN’T EVEN INVITED TO THE ACTUAL WEDDING!”
The Reddit user explained that Jane still “insists on calling” her friends her bridesmaids, even though they won’t be “present at the wedding and will have no special designation at the party.” She concluded by noting that her friends are torn on what to do, as she’s debating telling “Jane that if she’s not having a traditional wedding she can’t expect traditional wedding benefits.”
The Reddit post has quickly gone viral, with more than 8,000 upvotes. In the comments, multiple people criticized the bride, saying she shouldn’t be expecting a bridal shower and trip from her friends if they’re not invited to the wedding.
“If none of you are invited to the wedding, none of you are bridesmaids. If none of you are invited to the wedding, a gift is not required,” one wrote.
“You don’t get the whole nine yards if your wedding isn’t the whole nine yards. She sounds selfish AF. I would just say, since you are just doing a private family-only wedding, let’s organize a close friends’ celebration after you’re married,” another wrote. “If she says anything to that, say well we aren’t invited to the wedding, so a bridal shower, bachelorette, etc doesn’t make sense. Put it on her. If she still pushes back, just bail out. Doesn’t sound like a friendship you want to maintain anyway.”
“As far as the bridal shower goes, the moms can pay for it and the registry can be used to buy gifts. She can’t expect anyone who isn’t invited to the wedding to take her on a trip for her bachelorette. If she wants to plan and invite people, that’s one thing, but paying for her? I don’t think so,” a third wrote.
