It’s a free world! Everyone should have the right to be who they are and not get penalized just for their gender identity. Sadly, there are quite a few people who have such a rigid mindset that they feel they can judge and criticize someone based on who they identify as.
Just like in today’s story, where Reddit user Elegant-Scholar-7566 told her fiancé that his trans friend should not be a part of their wedding party as her traditional family might have issues with it. When she told him to find a new best man, he refused and even threatened to call off the wedding!
More info: Reddit
The poster of this story had planned a wedding with her fiancé, but it got postponed till things calmed down after the pandemic
Image credits: Alexander Mass (not the actual photo)
The groom, Kevin, had a best man who came out as a trans woman, Amy, at this time, but he did not mind at all, and she was his only family after his mom kicked him out
Image credits: u/Elegant-Scholar-7566
Image credits: BYB BYB (not the actual photo)
Kevin also told Amy that if she wanted, he would find her a dress that was similar to the clothes the groomsmen were going to wear, but the poster didn’t like this
Image credits: u/Elegant-Scholar-7566
Image credits: Delia Giandeini (not the actual photo)
Apparently, she has a “traditional family” and they would have an issue with Amy being the best woman of the groom, and they might also be rude to her
Image credits: u/Elegant-Scholar-7566
When the poster told the groom to find a new best man, he refused and even threatened to cancel the wedding if his only family, Amy, could not be in the wedding party
The original poster (OP) told us that her fiancé, Kevin, was kicked out of his house when he was 17 and then he met his best friend, who became his only family. So, it was natural for him to want his friend to be an important part of his wedding and he asked him to be his best man.
But as their wedding got postponed, his friend came out to him as a trans woman, Amy, so now, she would be his best woman at the wedding. He didn’t have any problem with it and immediately said that if she wanted, he would find her a dress similar to the groomsmen. But that, folks, did not go down well with the bride.
She claimed that her ‘traditional’ family might have issues with it and they might be rude to Amy. So, straightaway, she asked him to find a new best man, while Amy could attend the wedding as a guest. Well, considering that she’s his only family, Kevin got angry with his fiancée and even threatened to call off the wedding over it.
When she posted this on Reddit, she faced massive backlash from them as they thought that she herself was transphobic and just hiding behind her family. They also said that the words ‘traditional family’ themselves implied that it was a code for homophobic, transphobic, racist, and basically all the bad things.
Research has found that transgender women are particularly at risk for prejudice and violence due to society’s general tendency to police femininity and punish transgressions of misplaced femininity. Amy must have already faced transphobia from society, but when her close friend’s family did the same, it must have been tough for her.
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
Trupti Bobade, a psychologist at The Secret Ingredient that Bored Panda interviewed, mentioned that when a trans person is not accepted by close family, it might have a significant impact on their mental health, including increased anxiousness, low mood, and feelings of rejection and low self-worth. She thinks that the lack of acceptance may lead to chronic stress and emotional pain, potentially resulting in high-risk ideation or behavior.
“Excluding a trans person from a wedding due to their gender identity is like taking a healthy plant out of its pot and leaving it on the ground. The plant, which needs soil and care to thrive, starts to wither and struggle. Similarly, the person might feel rejected, lonely, anxious, and sad without the support they need,” Trupti thoughtfully narrated.
And our heart instantly went out to Amy. Many people also hoped that she wouldn’t find out about what Kevin’s wife thinks as it would further hurt her feelings. And even Kevin must be really hurt as Amy is his only family. Trupti also stressed that a partner should support their significant other’s close friendships by encouraging them to maintain these relationships. But what OP did was the complete opposite.
Trupti mentioned, “Excluding a close family member from the groom’s wedding due to their gender identity is like having a missing piece in a puzzle. The groom, who wants the complete picture of joy and togetherness on his special day, feels the absence of that piece keenly.”
“Instead of the full, beautiful image, there’s an obvious gap that brings sadness and frustration creating tension and conflict within the family. This situation could lead to feelings of helplessness, as he may feel torn between respecting his family’s wishes and supporting his excluded loved one.”
Well, it looks like the poster is hurting her fiancé by rejecting his family. Many people online said that she is a red flag and Kevin should realize that she is just as transphobic as she claims her family to be. They even said that the couple might face some issues after marriage, as she might object to Amy’s involvement in her husband’s life.
Do you think they are right in assuming these things about the couple? If you were in Kevin’s position, what would you do? Just scroll down and type away in the comments!
Redditors lashed out against the poster that she was transphobic as well, and just using her family to hide behind them
