Here is David Hytner’s report from the Vitality Stadium.
This game will be swiftly forgotten. Luckily there’s another one coming up in 25 minutes, and it already has a bit of drama as Mikel Arteta has dropped Aaron Ramsdale and Kai Havertz, one rather more deservedly than the other. Do join Rob Smyth for that one. From me, it’s goodbye and thanks for your company, correspondence and confessions.
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“What is happening at Chelsea,” says Jeff Sax, “has nothing to do with soccer.”
Time to go through the post. “Tim,” says an email, “I used to watch AFC Bournemouth many years ago, the era of Shaun Mooney and Tommy Heffernan, he being a juggernaut of a right-back. There was one chant that is now rarely heard, that being ‘Come on Boscombe’. The old Dean Court as it was is only a spot from Boscombe. Classic from yesterday.
“Love the commo, Jon from Salisbury but camping in Holland.” Thank you!
“On the plus side,” says Justin Kavanagh, “and let’s all stay positive here, Chelsea have played with some really good…eh… away kit today. Republic of Ireland, Seattle Sounders, Nigeria, they’ll all be a new shade of green with envy.” Ha.
The upshot is that these teams moooove closer, as Phyllis Nelson used to sing. Chelsea stay 14th, with five points from five games; Bournemouth edge past Wolves to sneak up to 15th, with three points from five.
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Full time! Bournemouth 0-0 Chelsea
90+8 min: It’s all over! The finishers, on both sides, get what they deserve.
In terms of shots and saves, Chelsea were slightly ahead. In terms of coherent moves, they were streets ahead, but all those streets turned out to be dead ends.
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90+7 min: Chelsea win a corner…
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90+4 min: Cook curls in a free kick that goes out for a goal kick, possibly because someone has just told him he is Alan Smith’s player of the match. He’s done well with tackles and interceptions, but come on, call the police, Sterling and Gallagher have been robbed.
90+2 min: Neto uses up one of the eight minutes by dawdling over a free kick. The sunshine is suddenly bright, rendering the Chelsea players, in their pale pistachio strip, almost invisible.
90 min: Brooks brings some instant deftness, albeit with no more end product than anyone else. The sun is out and the crowd is loud, sensing a late winner. Plenty of time for it: there will be eight more minutes.
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88 min: Now the end is near, it’s end to end. Billing drives down the left and cuts back, to nobody in particular.
Here is Brooks, making his 50th PL appearance and replacing Ryan Christie, who put in a proper shift.
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86 min: Subs update – it was Chilwell for the excellent Levi Colwill and Ian Maatsen for Fernandez. David Brooks is on his way too.
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84 min: Drama in the Bournemouth box! Palmer to Sterling, back to Palmer – neat volley, good save from Neto. A follow-up shot from Maatsen is blocked, by an arm in Chelsea’s eyes… not according to the refs.
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81 min: A flurry of subs, including Ben Chilwell, who takes a corner, then whips in a cross. It’s right on Jackson’s head, six years out, but his head isn’t quite ready for it and the header is a tame one.
“At confession during the week,” says Patrick Minogue, “I was pleasantly surprised when the priest said ‘For penance, watch Bournemouth v Chelsea’. He must really hate me.”
79 min: Big chance for Bournemouth! Neat feet from Solanke, carving out the space for a low shot… straight at Sanchez, who saves with one neat foot.
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78 min: Just wide! Billing strikes the free kick well, it’s low and heading in, but it gets a deflection off Gallagher and goes for a corner.
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77 min: Kluivert races into the D and wins a free kick. It’s the mirror image of that one from Sterling.
75 min: Here is Sinisterra, on for Tavernier, along with Senesi for Kerkez.
73 min: Kluivert shows why Iraola sent him on with some stopovers and a classy little cross, but nobody can get on the end of it. More subs approaching…
“Credit where credit is due,” says Eric Peterson. “That Raheem Sterling free kick struck the crossbar, the post, AND the goal line. Dying to find out if one of our Big Data football companies can tell us if that’s unprecedented.”
71 min: Bournemouth do well down the left and win a free kick.
70 min: Luis Sinisterra is getting his red-and-black shirt on for the first time.
68 min: Sterling wins a corner. The game continues to be all about him and Gallagher. The corner leads to a long-distance effort from Gusto that doesn’t trouble Neto.
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67 min: The camera homes in on Andoni Iraola. “Focus!” he says, pointing at his temples.
65 min: Palmer is on the right for now and instantly winning a corner. It leads to a shot from Jackson (at the keeper, obviously) and a goalmouth scramble. The VAR has a look, nothing doing.
62 min: Sterling wins a free kick 30 yards out. Mudryk takes it, Kelly heads away, and that’s Mudryk’s day done as Palmer takes over. Kluivert comes on too for Ouattara, so we have two new left-wingers. Can they finish any better than the men they replace?
61 min: Subs ahoy. It looks as if Justin Kluivert is coming on for Bournemouth, and Cole Palmer for Chelsea. So it could be goodnight Ouattara and Mudryk.
60 min: Gusto is back on the field after taking the 30-second timeout. Gallagher feeds Sterling but… in the immortal words of Bryan Ferry, you can guess the rest.
59 min: Gusto goes down in a grapple with Christie and needs some treatment. The crowd, abhorring a vacuum, fill in on percussion.
56 min: Bournemouth get forward for a bit and Lewis Cook squeezes in a shot, straight at Sanchez. Both keepers are wearing magnets today.
Meanwhile it’s all kicking off in my inbox. “What is Stephen Carr on?” asks Jeremy Boyce. “And what did he expect? An overcast afternoon in Throb-tastic Bournemouth, Sunday afternoon, and a visit by the Pensioners, albeit none of them actually shaving just yet ? There may be more excitement on the nearby bowling greens and crazy golf, if that helps?”
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53 min: Another Chelsea attack, another terrible shot. Nicholas Jackson skews the ball into the crowd when it would have been a whole lot easier to get it on target.
52 min: Gallagher and Sterling, the stars of the first half, has now been joined in business class by Colwill. He’s central to a flowing Chelsea move that, yet again, just lacks that finishing touch.
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Disallowed goal! (Colwill for Chelsea)
Sterling hits the bar with the free kick! And Colwill follows up with a neat finish, but he’s offside.
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48 min: Better from Mudryk, running hard and drawing a foul from Aarons on the very edge of the box. Promising for Chelsea…
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46 min: Mykhailo Mudryk, trying to control the ball on the left touchline, can only shovel it out. Composure is not his middle name.
A quick word with Andoni Iraola. What was the message in his team talk? “To keep intensity.”
Raheem Sterling completed 3/4 dribbles in the first half between Bournemouth and Chelsea. No player has completed more, and only Marcus Tavernier equalled his tally.
— Statman Dave (@StatmanDave) September 17, 2023
Constant threat. 💥 pic.twitter.com/BeIGGj5S0r
Just as I was wondering if I was the only person watching this game, Stephen Carr proves otherwise. “Bit dull this one,” he says, “but I am enjoying watching Thiago Silva ambling about, occasionally nipping in to nick the ball like a grown-up playing against a team of five-year-olds.” Ha, yes. He needs to conserve his energies: it’s his 39th birthday on Friday.
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Half-time! Bournemouth 0-0 Chelsea
45+1 min: And that is that for now. Gallagher and Sterling have been a cut above the rest, but, but, but… It has looked like what it is: 14th v 16th.
45 min: There will be one minute added on. Old-school!
44 min: Another glimmer for Chelsea, but Gusto’s left-footed cross is almost as wayward as that shot from Ouattara a few minutes ago.
42 min: Chelsea send Jackson away on the right, but he’s well tracked by Ouattara. This has been a game of buts.
40 min: Time for Bournemouth to come up with something and they do as Christie breaks free on the right and bursts into the box. Shoot or cross? He opts to shoot, from a very tight angle, and as so often this afternoon, the ball is drawn to the keeper.
39 min: Gallagher to Sterling yet again, slicing through the midfield. Sterling makes a lovely turn, and Lloyd Kelly can only bring him down.
35 min: Another lovely ball from Gallagher to Sterling, another attack that comes to nothing.
35 min: Gallagher and Sterling combine again with a one-two that leaves Sterling with a choice: blast from afar or slip in Jackson. He takes option two and perhaps regrets it.
33 min: Big chance for Gallagher! Some patient little passes find Chelsea’s captain for the day near the penalty spot. He has time to take a touch, but not enough time to steer the ball away from Neto. The man he sort of replaced, Mason Mount, might have buried that one.
@TimdeLisle I know more time is being added on for tume-,wasting, etc , but surely this is ridiculous pic.twitter.com/GeA30vZa0F
— Anthony Ashworth (@AntvanOviedo) September 17, 2023
30 min: Ouattara cuts in from the left, has a go from distance and somehow sends the ball out for a throw-in. It’s lucky he’s playing at home.
29 min: Rumours of Bournemouth’s reinvention may have been exaggerated. Yes, they press at the front, but they also go long from the back. So far it’s not quite working, but they are looking as if they have a goal in them. Possession, which was 70-30, is now 63-37.
25 min: Chelsea build from the back, in exemplary fashion – goalie to back four to Gallagher to Sterling, moving inside to No 10 and finding acres. Malo Gusto races forward to take Sterling’s place on the right wing… and crosses straight to Neto.
23 min: Chelsea go up the other end and it’s pinball in the Bournemouth box. Sterling’s shot is blocked and the away fans are certain it’s a penalty, a view shared by nobody else.
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21 min: Bournemouth win a free kick in midfield. A chip forward, a header from the lively Ouattara and they think they’ve won a corner, but David Coote doesn’t agree.
18 min: Chance for Bournemouth! Out of nowhere, as far as the viewer can tell – the cameras were lingering on the managers. Suddenly Ouattara was clean through from the left with only Sanchez to beat, and he hit the ball straight at him. As the ball pings around, Bournemouth get a second shot in, also straight at Sanchez.
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16 min: Chelsea have had 70pc of the ball so far, and all three of the shots – but the only one on target was that first tame effort from Fernandez. They win a corner now, and another, without looking like cashing in.
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13 min: Jackson hits the post! A neat one-two with Mudryk and Jackson aims low to Neto’s right. It’s not a bad shot, but it’s not quite good enough.
12 min: The one player to shine in the gloom has been Gallagher, so busy and deft.
11 min: Chance for Sterling! But he doesn't seem to realise it. Gallagher slips him through with a nice little perpendicular ball in the inside-right channel, and he opts to square it to nobody when he could have blasted it into the net.
8 min: Still scrappy. Bournemouth break down the left, but nothing comes of it.
Here’s Drew Chappell in Canada with a good spot. “Just thought I’d point out that Chelsea’s bench has a total of one player who has started a PL game. They have a full XI of injured players:
GK: Bettinelli.
Defenders: James, Fofana, Badiashile, Cucurella.
Midfield: Lavia, Caicedo.
Attackers: Madueke, Nkunku, Chukwumueka.
Striker: Broja.
”That team on paper would definitely beat the one Chelsea have on the pitch!”
5 min: It’s all a bit scrappy. And slippy, as it’s raining hard on the south coast.
4 min: The first yellow card of the game goes to … Raheem Sterling! For a cynical old tackle on Dominic Solanke.
3 min: Chelsea attack again. The much-maligned Mudryk does well with a burst of pace, then does less well with an overhit cut-back to Conor Gallagher.
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2 min: Bournemouth show off their new-found pressing skills and Chelsea struggle to get out of their half… but then they break and Sterling slips a square ball to Fernandez, who shoots straight at the keeper.
1 min: And we’re off, with Bournemouth, in their classic red and black stripes, going long right away and Chelsea, in palest green, lining up with a back four.
The players and fans observe a minute’s silence for the victims of the natural disasters in Morocco and Libya.
An email comes in from a place beloved of all Talking Heads fans: Pittsburgh, PA. “Good morning from Pittsburgh!” says the reliably enthusiastic Eric Peterson. “I’m sorry to say this, considering how much this neutral is enjoying the hot mess of a club that rich and privileged Chelsea have become. But the new, modern, expansive Bournemouth that their new ownership is trying to create is not as well suited to beating the Blues as the gritty, gutty Bournemouth that Gary O’Neil led to Premier League survival last year. Having said that, if Chelsea, for all their talent, continue to play like a team waiting for good things to happen, rather than getting down and making them happen, it might not matter.”
Know what you mean, Eric, but Gary O’Neil’s grit didn’t leave a mark on Chelsea last season. Bournemouth managed to lose to them twice, which was quite an achievement.
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Pre-match reading
It’s 20 years since the biggest thing ever to happen in the Chelsea boardroom – the Abramovich takeover. A subject well worth a column from Barney Ronay.
It’s an interesting selection from Pochettino. He gives Mykhailo Mudryk a start for the first time, preferring him to Cole Palmer. So far in his time at Chelsea, Mudryk has been all pace and no trousers. Maybe this is a sign that Poch is expecting to play on the counter.
He is short of options in midfield as Moises Caicedo is unfit, which means a first PL start for Lesley Ugochukyu, the 19-year-old French-Nigerian who has made a couple of appearances off the bench. If you were Andoni Iraola, who would you be wary of in that Chelsea XI? Perhaps only Enzo Fernandez and Raheem Sterling.
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A tweet comes in from Brendan Large, speaking for the Chelsea faithful. “I would just like to highlight one success so far,” he says, “in terms of our summer business. Gusto at right-back looks a real talent and a more than able back-up to Reece James. At least here we can say we have improved after the ageing Azpilicueta was let go.”
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Teams in full
Bournemouth (probable 4-2-3-1) Neto; Aarons, Zabarnyi, Kelly, Kerkez; Christie, Cook; Ouattara, Billing, Tavernier; Solanke.
Subs: Andrei Radu, Smith, Senesi, Rothwell, Brooks, Semenyo, Traore, Sinisterra, Kluivert.
Chelsea (probable 4-3-3) Sanchez; Gusto, Thiago Silva, Disasi, Colwill; Fernandez, Gallagher, Ugochukwu; Sterling, Jackson, Mudryk.
Subs: Petrovic, Bergstrom, Gilchrist, Chilwell, Maatsen, Matos, Stutter, Deivid, Palmer.
Referee David Coote.
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Bournemouth team: Tavernier, Ouattara come in
Let's go 👊 pic.twitter.com/mhh7hQzXSl
— AFC Bournemouth 🍒 (@afcbournemouth) September 17, 2023
Chelsea team: it's captain Gallagher
Your Chelsea side today! 🙌@ParimatchUK | #BouChe pic.twitter.com/cfrKP0x83k
— Chelsea FC (@ChelseaFC) September 17, 2023
Preamble
Afternoon everyone and welcome to … what, exactly? If you look through the lens of the past decade, this is a mismatch: a little club welcoming a big one. Seen through the lens of the past year, it’s too close to call: the 16th-best team in the league playing host to the 14th-best.
Bournemouth v Chelsea has often been the sort of encounter in which the home team are happy with a hard-fought point, but not right now. If you look at meetings between the big eight – the usual suspects, plus Newcastle and Brighton – and the other 12 Premier League clubs, there have been only three games this season that produced an upset and two of those have involved Mauricio Pochettino’s Chelsea. They lost to West Ham and Nottingham Forest, which suggests they are quite capable of losing today.
Bournemouth’s results have been more logical. They have been beaten by the big clubs (Liverpool, Spurs) while drawing with the rest (West Ham, Brentford). Andoni Iraola has yet to chalk up his first league victory, although he would have had it at Brentford, a difficult place to win, had it not been for a supreme piece of skill from Bryan Mbeumo in the 93rd minute.
It’s Chelsea, still reeling from their own shopping spree, who really need a win today. If they get it, they will skip up the table to eighth and the pressure will be off Pochettino. If they lose, Chelsea will slide below Bournemouth, leaving Poch in crisis corner with Erik ten Hag.
It’s all quite intriguing. Kick-off is at 2pm and I’ll be back soon with the teams.
