The NFL won’t have ol’ Blake Bortles to kick around anymore. The veteran quarterback announced his retirement Wednesday, wrapping up an eight-year career in which he threw just two regular season passes after leaving the Jacksonville Jaguars in 2018.
It was an announcement met on Twitter, like most things, with jokes. Bortles was an easy target throughout his career for many reasons. Primarily because he played football like a man named Blake Bortles for one of the biggest punchlines in the league. He was swampland Jay Cutler, a big-armed passer with meathead sensibilities who genuinely seemed to love a game determined to drain the life from him.
That smile.
— Jacksonville Jaguars (@Jaguars) January 16, 2018
Bortles was, for the most part, the answer to the question “what if Philip Rivers weren’t very good?” His throwing mechanics were strange. He perpetually looked as if he were cradling an invisible gin and tonic in his left hand as he followed through.
Off the field, he looked like the lead singer in an unsuccessful Limp Bizkit cover band.
Gooch pic.twitter.com/qtVOTUzeFf
— Leaping Jaguars (@jhorge_d) October 5, 2022
Despite the optics, Bortles seems like a likable guy. He handled his press duties with an “aw shucks” charm that kept him close with an “aw shucks” fanbase bred in a puddle of salt water and gasoline but never deterred.
"I Just work here" pic.twitter.com/RcT2Tpm81H
— New Era Jaguars (@NewEra_Jaguars) October 5, 2022
This all made him easy to pile on. He wasn’t throwing players under the bus, even as the Jaguars stocked his depth charts with players destined for fantasy football waiver wires. His top wideouts as a rookie were Cecil Shorts and Allen Hurts. Jacksonville’s top running back that year was Denard Robinson. They were easily the least-picked Madden roster in the game.
Only one member of the Jags’ offense was named to the Pro Bowl in Bortles’ five seasons with the team. That was Allen Robinson, who exploded for 1,400 yards for a five-win team in 2015 and never reached those heights again. Bortles was sacked more than anyone that season and still managed to throw for more than 4,440 yards and 35 touchdowns. This led him to the most backhanded compliment you could hand a quarterback; he was a good fantasy football QB.
Yes, most of those yards and touchdowns came late in games whose outcomes were no longer in doubt. Yes, he led the league in interceptions that year. It didn’t matter; Bortles did not give up.
When he became a running punchline on NBC comedy The Good Place — the city of Jacksonville as a whole, really, but specifically Bortles — he somehow spun that into on-field success. After having the fifth-year option on his rookie contract declined thanks to those three seasons of underwhelming play, he led the Jaguars to a seven-win improvement in 2017 and the team’s first playoff berth in a decade. He was one overturned fumble recovery (or one Stephon Gilmore pass break-up) from Super Bowl 52.
The Jags took note, extending him on a three-year, $54 million contract that really just gave him one more year to figure things out. The Good Place took note as well, turning Bortles’ competence into a harbinger of chaos ungraspable by the very architects who built our world.
[And yes, Bortles and his family heard and did not care for the jokes. I received an email from his uncle Randy — I swear to you, his name is Randy Bortles — after a critical article written at SB Nation that I could not possibly print here because children may be reading].
This didn’t pan out. Bortles’ brush with competence was brief. He returned to a passing attack led by Dede Westbrook and Donte Moncrief and shrunk back into the tiny, one-bedroom apartment of disappointment the Jaguars had been expertly furnishing for years.
While Leonard Fournette was able to turn his frustration outward and generate a second act with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Bortles remained a good soldier. After being released by a franchise who’d drafted a broken toy and made no effort to fix it, Bortles jumped from team to team as a backup fans were excited to see on the roster but not on the field.
Bortles’ accomplishments exceed most NFL resumes. He was a top three NFL Draft pick. He won as many playoff games as Joe Namath or Michael Vick and more than Jay Cutler or Carson Palmer.
Did he deserve better? With more than $47 million in career earnings and 75 interceptions in 73 starts, probably not. But for a guy whose career was mostly jokes, he seemed to take it all in stride. He was more energetic than Cutler and more likable than Kirk Cousins.
He was also worse than both, but hey, we’ll always have 2018. Enjoy your retirement, Florida man.
