I swear I'm not doing it on purpose, I told my editor. I promise I'm not just writing about birds.
I also promise that I'm absolutely not currently running an off-the-books social experiment to see how many columns I can write about birds before the boss asks for a discussion in the "quiet room". (One, it turns out. Questions were asked about this one almost immediately; some respected journalists even tried dangling a shark in front of me like jingling keys, but I'm dogged in pursuit of this campaign.)
In any case, this is a purely circumstantial run of bird-related news. Honest.
Some reporters are born bird-brained. Some have birds flocked upon them.
Similarly, some birds (crows) choose a life of dastardly crime, while others choose one of distinguished military service, and in this racket it's just as important to celebrate the unsung heroes as it is to expose the ne'er-do-wells. Topics is nothing if not fair-minded.
So, since we're on the topic now, the historic Fort Scratchley has taken on a new recruit; a magnificent green parrot that was found confidently strutting up to the volunteers on Thursday as they ran the flag up the pole.
The bird, which we're told does not have a name but for whom we're strongly campaigning for the honorary title of Wing Commander Lynyrd Skynyrd (for he is a free bird), was perched in the regal docility of a neat military mascot on the shoulder of the Fort's historical society president Frank Carter when we arrived.
Mr Carter, as chief birdwatcher for the afternoon, wore the customary drooping insignia of the Commander's squadron down his right shoulder - an unfortunate misfire from the rear gun by Skynyrd as we're assured that he was aiming for Mr Carter's brother Rick.
Of course, in the heat of the dog fight, it's impossible to tell who fired what at who, but we're assured by Messrs Carter and Carter of two facts of Fort life:
From Frank: The Fort President is not a "technical" duty (who can "technically" say who the Commander was aiming at, but we're pretty sure it was Rick).
From Rick: The Fort President is not always right.
Truly, it is a brotherly bond in the service of the Fort's defence and preservation. The latter Mr Carter, though, was gallantly unfazed. He was just happy that at least a few birds still found this man in uniform attractive.
Fort's whale migrating south
At this juncture, it feels important that we correct an emerging error in the record. Topics is objective and fair minded when it comes to all animals (except crows).
With the exception of the criminal avian class (he writes, while glancing out the window), Topics is a friend to all the animal kingdom. Even sharks.
As Wing Commander Skynyrd took leave of his duties for the afternoon to perch in his private quarters (we heard later that an owner may have come forward to return the military mascot to his civilian life), I got chatting with long-time volunteer Stephen Shaw.
Mr Shaw rattled off the list of astonishing views he's seen from the best vantage point in town; the flyovers, of course, were a feature, and that stunning view over Nobbys that never gets old, the passing parade of ships in and out of the harbour that never sleeps, and whales - hundreds of them up and down the coast in an ever-changing and stunning cortege of life aquatic.
For more than a year, the giant timber whale, Bleaching, by sculpturist Michael Greve has loomed over it all and even as an estimated 20,000 visitors streamed through the Fort's gates in the past few weeks to visit the second iteration of the exhibition that saw the whale installed there in the first place, Bleaching still managed to steal the show.
The work was quickly snapped up by noted art collector Jeff McCloy during that first iteration of Sculptures at Scratchley specifically to take up residence at the entrance to his Driftwood Shores housing estate at Tuross Head on the south coast, but tied-up approvals have meant it as become somewhat of a fixture in-situ.
Mr McCloy told Topics on Thursday, though, that the whale's move is locked in for the end of the year. He said it would join another Gillie and Marc piece (the artists responsible for Newcastle's famous paparazzi dog, fondly called Charlie, on Hunter Street) and will sit at the intersection of a golf course, saltwater lake and the open ocean. The former lord mayor said it was symbolically the perfect place for it and praised the exhibition's founders, Grahame and Bec Wilson, for injecting a bit of art into the city.
Mr McCloy's collection of sculptures and public installations is vast and includes sculpture and several murals by, among others, noted local spray artist Jordan Lucky.
Back in January, he joked that he had bought "more public art in Newcastle than Newcastle City Council". Not bad for a bloke who, by his own admission, couldn't draw a cat and famously "failed art".
