Missy* is 41, married and regularly sleeps with men she’s met online. “Me and my husband have never been sexually compatible,” she tells me. “I have a much higher sex drive than he does. After we got married, it really dwindled.” Missy loves her husband, but she can’t remember which year they last had sex. They no longer kiss on the lips or tell each other “goodnight”. She says he refused to entertain the idea of an open marriage, but that she has no intention of leaving him, either. In fact, she believes online dating has saved her marriage. She manages the guilt by compartmentalising her affairs.
“My home is one thing, my work is another,” she explains. “And this is something else that I have, because I’m not getting what I need from the marriage.” She has secretly met up with around 13 men since she started looking for new sex partners online a decade ago, and abides by a series of strict rules. “I don’t want men who want relationships. I wouldn’t meet up with someone in the first year of their marriage, or who is engaged. To me, that’s just not OK. And I won’t see anyone who is younger than me.”
