And the award for most tedious show of the year goes to… the National Television Awards, which ironically viewers would never vote for unless threatened with a razor blade by a Peaky Blinder or double-dared by Ant and Dec.
Someone please give the format a double espresso. It needs a buzzer, a comedy roast or Alison Hammond (please let her host everything).
Joel’s Dommett’s strong line in puns might work on The Masked Singer, but it wasn’t enough for Wembley Arena and a show that has lost its energy and gloss.
It’s not all his fault. There was not a single shock at the ITV award-athon on Thursday night.
Ant and Dec, both home with Covid (lucky them), won the presenter gong for the 21st year in a row, yawn.
Peaky Blinders won best returning drama, Strictly scooped best talent show, Gogglebox took best factual entertainment and After Life nabbed best comedy.
Even Ricky Gervais’s acceptance speech was dull – any glimmer of hope for controversy dashed from the third “thank you” onwards.
As presenters trooped on and off, I felt only mild amusement for Mark Owen’s moustache (just no), Michael Owen’s running prompts to daughter Gemma as if she’s an idiot, and Anneka Rice’s fudged announcement (but she looked fab in glittery red jumpsuit, so who cares).
There was some excitement when Phil and Holly won best daytime show for This Morning and booing could be heard in the audience. If only Joel had asked them if they’d had to queue for long to get in…
Best telly expert Martin Lewis was the hero of the night. A quick swipe at the Government’s failure to get a grip on the economy, a slick plug for his new series, then: “This nerd is going to party.” Nicely done, sir (and he probably will be). Anton du Beke also thoroughly deserved best talent show judge. If ever anyone was meant to evolve into that role it’s him.
Kate Garraway’s documentary win for Caring For Derek and the impressive montage for Sir Lenny Henry’s special recognition award were tear-jerking moments that made an impact.
And I enjoyed the 50th anniversary Emmerdale message from the King, no less. A more British thing has never happened.
King Charles said the soap depicts what life is like for real farmers. If real farmers are 50% serial killers?
But highlights were scarce and the grand finale, the usually boisterous best soap clash (Emmerdale won, obvs), was an anti-climax and then it all just
fizzled out.
Maybe the celeb after-party would be more fun to watch? Now there’s a show I’d vote for.
