Here’s something I’ve never told my parents: I used to steal chips at family events. I was a shy kid, so instead of playing with the others I would mill around the food table and wait for all the responsible adults to distract themselves, then gorge myself. One time, at my great-aunt’s house, I took two full packets of Pringles (the party’s entire chip inventory) and hid. Knowing I could be caught at any moment, I ate them like I was in a time-trial mukbang, jamming them into my mouth in stacks seven chips high. Eventually I passed out from the exertion, like kids do, somewhere near a TV, probably covered in chip dust.
When I woke up from the chip coma, I felt disconnected from reality, my mouth numb and my tongue feeling like the victim of a Saharan sandstorm. The same way I feel after taste testing my way through more than 30 packets of potato chips. But instead of the childlike pride of a successful heist, I have a full adult dose of regret.
I share that remorse with 12 reviewers who joined me for the chip-eating marathon. We tried 15 brands, all widely available in major Australian supermarkets. Each round consisted of one salt or original chip and one flavoured chip from each brand. If the brand had a novelty textured chip (double crunch, big cut etc) we included that too. We rated each brand primarily on texture and taste, which included 1) the taste of the salt or original (the control), and 2) a flavoured version. We considered appearance too, but this only contributed to a tiny percentage of the final score.
This was an exhaustive taste test – 35 packets in total – so we didn’t include every brand in the final write-up: Natural Chip Co, the Good Crisp Company and Simply were neither good, bad nor interesting enough.
The best overall: Kettle
We tasted: Kettle Original Salt and Kettle Chilli, 165g, $6 ($3.65 per 100g) from Coles and Woolworths
Score: 9/10
One reviewer yelped in excitement when she bit into one of these. Incredibly, through the chorus of cheers and moans around the table, I could hear the crunch of her first bite. This is everything you want in a chip – audibly crisp but not particularly oily, a defined potato taste and, other than potato and salt, the chilli variant tastes like the chilli flavour it promises. Aside from the usual caveats around the spice intolerant (they’re genuinely spicy), the only downside is the chip size itself – they are on the small side. One reviewer wrote: “This is what I want to eat when I’m depressed and alone on a Tuesday night.” These chips are good enough to replace human company.
Notable mention: Red Rock Deli
We tasted: Red Rock Deli Sea Salt and Red Rock Deli Lime and Black Pepper, 165g, $6.30 ($3.80 per 100g) from Coles and Woolworths
Score: 8/10
Kettle and Red Rock Deli are the Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo of the chip world, far above anyone else in their generation and each with a crowd of zealous fans arguing their favourite is better. On this day, Kettle chips had the better texture and flavouring. But if you dusted off the salt and flavourings, Red Rock chips, more than any other brand, taste like they’re made from good potatoes. What lets Red Rock down is its lime and pepper flavour: the low acidity and added sugar makes it taste like lime cordial and, particularly compared with other pepper flavours on the market, there was very little spice. But pick a different flavour and maybe you’d get a different result. Ultimately, there will always be points for and against either Red Rock Deli or Kettle, and this taste test is unlikely to settle arguments over which is the greatest.
The best value for money: Blackstone
We tasted: Blackstone Sea Salt and Blackstone Honey Soy Chicken, 200g, $2.99 ($1.50 per 100g) from Aldi
Score: 7/10
Compare Blackstone and Red Rock Deli – similar packaging, names and flavours but very different prices. Unfortunately, Blackstone chips were just not as good (they scored lower than Red Rock Deli in every metric) but they’re not too far off either. They have a good crunch, a discernible potato flavour and the honey soy chicken seasoning is mild and uncomplicated, just a touch of sweetness and umami over a very orange-coloured chip. It tastes like neither chicken, soy, honey or the actual dish honey soy chicken, but none of the reviewers minded. Like banana lollies, you don’t want them to taste like banana, they’re their own thing.
The rest of the test
Smith’s
We tasted: Smith’s Original, Smith’s Thinly Cut Original, Smith’s Chicken, Smith’s Double Crunch Original and Smith’s Oven Baked Sea Salt, 130g-175g, $4.80 ($2.74-$3.69 per 100g) from Coles and Woolworths
Score: 7.5/10
Although they lack potato flavour, Smith’s chips fulfil the basic requirements for a very repeatable snack: crunchy, salty, consistent and affordable. Confusingly for us, Smith’s has the most options for novelty textures, including original crinkle cut, oven-baked, double crunch and thinly cut. My tips are: forget about oven-baked, they’re more biscuit than chip; the thinly cuts taste like oil and lose a lot of flavour due to the reduced salt, and double crunch is fun but the flavour isn’t as good as the original. The chicken flavour chips are as chicken-y as you’d expect, which, like most other chips repping the chook, is not at all. They taste more like vegan stock cubes.
Boulder
We tasted: Boulder Canyon Classic Sea Salt, Boulder Canyon Avocado Oil Classic Sea Salt and Boulder Canyon Hickory Barbeque, 142g-148.8g, $6.75-$8.95 ($4.75-$6.01 per 100g) from Harris Farm
Score: 7.5/10
Texturally, this US-made product was one of the best brands of the taste test, particularly the sea salt crinkle-cut chips cooked in avocado oil. But the barbecue flavour was far from inspiring. Unlike many barbecue-flavoured chips which aspire to taste of grilled meat or barbecue sauce, Boulder seems to be going for a spice-led flavour. It tastes like smoked paprika (but with a bit of sweetness), was sadly dusty (the flavouring coated my fingers and added a grittiness to the texture) and was overall underwhelming. The plain chip would be a great buy if it was affordable (the avocado oil version is particularly pricey at $8.95). One of the takeaways of the taste test was that overseas-made brands are rarely ever worth the extra import cost and Boulder chips are a good example of this.
Proper Crisps
We tasted: Proper Crisps Marlborough Sea Salt, Proper Crisps Big Cut Malborough Sea Salt and Proper Crisps Big Cut Smoked Paprika, 150g, $6.49-$7.49 ($4.33-$4.99 per 100g) from Harris Farm
Score: 7/10
The paprika chips from this New Zealand brand are powerfully orange, like the colour of Doritos cheese-dust smeared across an entire chip, and that to me promises a huge hit of flavour – but it never arrived. It’s subtle in both salt and paprika, and while the flavour lasts on your palate, you need to eat a lot for it to build. The plain salt chips were among the best we tried, with both the “big cut” and original size scoring well in texture and taste. Judges had wildly different opinions on whether the “big cut” is better – I’d say it has more crunch but is slightly more stale and oily. Up to you whether that’s a worthy compromise.
Tyrrells
We tasted: Tyrrells Lightly Sea Salted and Tyrells Mature Cheddar Cheese and Chives, 165g, $6 ($3.64 per 100g) from Coles, Woolworths and Harris Farm
Score: 7/10
Despite the very specific sell of “mature cheddar cheese”, the only hint of “cheese” is in the aroma, but it smells more like kids’ cheese crackers or chicken stock cubes. There is, however, a whack of onion flavour. Texturally, they’re satisfying (particularly the sea salt version) but I don’t think that’s enough to push Tyrrells over other chips in the $6 range. A middle-of-the-road chip.
Sprinters
We tasted: Sprinters Original and Sprinters Barbeque, 230g, $2.89 ($1.25 per 100g) from Aldi
Score: 6/10
It’s hard to look at the branding and flavour range of Sprinters and not think this is a Smith’s knockoff. But Sprinters is half the price and not as good. Ultimately, it comes down to crunch. Compared with Smith’s, Sprinters just doesn’t have enough snap. All reviewers liked the barbecue flavour at first, with many incorrectly assuming it was tomato. When they found out what it was, they liked it less.
Pringles
We tasted: Pringles Original and Pringles Smokin’ Cajun Spice, from 118g-134g, $5.50-$6.60 ($4.10-$5.59 per 100g) from Coles and Woolworths
Score: 6/10
Pringles is a reconstituted potato product, which, after tasting dozens of traditional chips (thinly sliced potatoes) tastes very weird. Despite not tasting very potato-y, these made in Malaysia chips have a strange depth of flavour that is also long lasting. Reviewers were divided on the texture and flavour – some described them as cake-y, others as “artificial but good”. The cajun spice flavour was extremely popular, with many judges favourably relating it to various kinds of sausage – kransky, cabanossi, chorizo.
Thins
We tasted: Thins Original, Thins Sour Cream and Chives, 175g, $5 ($2.85 per 100g) from Coles and Woolworths
Score: 5/10
Easily the most divisive chip of the day, for many reasons. The thinness makes the chip brittle rather than crispy, which some liked, but others described as “weak and cheap” and “disappearing like fairy dust”. The original flavour is noticeably salty, a common trait of cheaper brands, and the sour cream flavour is much more pronounced than other brands. Many reviewers described the flavoured chips as creamy or buttery; though two reviewers said they tasted like rancid butter. Overall, they were the worst performing low-cost chip brand but I think they still have a place, particularly for those with weak gums.
Piranha
We tasted: Piranha Golden Hash Potato Grills Sea Salt, Piranha Golden Hash Potato Grills Balsamic Vinegar and Sea Salt, 75g, $3.50 ($4.67 per 100g) from Harris Farm
Score: 4/10
When these hit the table there was a loud gasp. A curled wafer shape! In pale yellow! Vinegar fumes! It was the sweet promise of something different. But then we ate them and all hope evaporated. One judge said it had the texture of a prawn cracker and should be disqualified from the category of potato chips. Another said, “It’s giving polystyrene.” Despite the promise of balsamic, there is no sweetness, just a violent amount of salt and acid.
Burts
Burts Lightly Sea Salted and Burts Mature Cheddar and Onion, 150g, $6.30 ($4.20 per 100g) from Harris Farm
Score: 2/10
These were universally pronounced the best-looking chip of the day, but no one remembers the beautiful bedspread at the hotel where they got divorced. In taste and texture, these UK-made chips ranked rock bottom. Describing the lack of crunch, one judge wrote: “The journey just stops at your teeth.” Another likened it to eating a coaster. Two reviewers said the regular salted chip tasted like the oil it was cooked in; and in their notes for the cheese-flavoured chip, three reviewers mentioned vomit and one likened it to toe jam. One judge gave this poetic review: “Wood covered in sweat, dry pasta, it’s vommy, I want to die.”
