I have a confession to make: I’ve eaten a lot of protein bars in my time. Back when I was working in hospitality, I kept a stash in my backpack in case of emergency. The emergency was if the staff meal looked inedible, or I didn’t have enough time to take a break and just needed something in my stomach. They were a means to an end. I didn’t focus very hard on registering their edibility.
Thankfully, protein bars have come a long way. They are no longer hyper-sweet logs of cardboard and there are many more varieties, deriving their protein sources from whey to soy. Does this mean protein bars are now delicious? Hmm, questionable.
In this taste test, I chose bars that mark themselves as protein bars as well as a couple of energy bars to add variety to the mix. I picked energy bars with a higher protein content than an average muesli bar. For reference, I once had a nutrition coach who said that unless a bar is at least 40% protein, it’s technically an energy bar.
These bars were judged by taste and texture, and while macros were taken into account, they did not contribute to the overall score. I also opted for the chocolate flavour of each brand to standardise the test, which made me appreciate real chocolate a whole lot more than I ever thought I could.
Best overall and best value
Musashi Protein Crisp Bar Choc Peanut, 60g, $4.50 ($7.50 per 100g), available at major supermarkets
Score: 8/10
This one took me by surprise. At 20g per serve, it had one of the highest quantities of protein, bucking the general rule that the more protein a bar contains, the less enjoyable it tastes. The better score is probably because, instead of trying to mimic a chocolate bar, this one is a crispy treat made with soy protein “nuggets”. Texture-wise, it crumbles as soon as you bite into it and the protein nuggets are chalky on the palate after a chew or two. What saves the experience is actual chocolate (even if it relies on sweetener rather than sugar), peanuts and peanut butter. In other words: fat. Fat fixes all. Will it trick you into thinking you’re not eating a protein bar? No. But is it worth trying if you’re looking to bump up your protein? Definitely. It’s still giving fitness, but at least it’s not entirely unpleasant.
Best energy bar
Hillcrest On-the-Go Boost Protein Bars Triple Choc, 200g (5 bars), $3.99, ($1.99 per 100g), available at Aldi
Score: 8/10
If you like eating real food rather than compacted bars of protein powder, this one’s for you. It doesn’t contain a lot of protein (just 10.3g each serve), but a third of its composition is roasted peanuts and it’s drizzled in actual chocolate. Despite being made with real sugar, it wasn’t as sweet as some of the artificially sweetened bars I tried, which was a welcome change. Having actual food to chew was a plus, but there was a dusty aftertaste from the soy nuggets (again, with the nuggets!). While it technically isn’t a protein bar by nutritional value, it’s an easy way to bump up your protein consumption. It’s cheating without actually cheating.
The rest
Fibre Boost Cold Pressed Protein Bar Choc Choc Chip, 60g, $4.95 ($8.25 per 100g), available at health food shops and online
Score: 6/10
Holy fibre, Batman! At 26g of fibre per serve derived from corn (I am resisting the urge to make a joke about your body never really digesting corn, only renting it), not only does this bar live up to its name, it contains the same amount of fibre that an average human eats in a day, if not more. About 15 years ago I lived with a bodybuilder who confessed that all the protein he consumed backed him up. I assume this product was developed as an antidote to that problem, without forcing you to consume excess calories. The protein content is also notably high at 21g a bar, with negligible amounts of fat and carbohydrates. It was the softest bar I tried, sticking to the foil wrapper then to my teeth. The chocolate chips were artificially sweet without being offensive. Overall, it ate like a piece of function fudge cake (read: kind of stale). For people on a hardcore shred.
Muscle Nation Custard Protein Bar Choc Fudge Brownie, 60g, $4.50 ($7.50 per 100g), available at major supermarkets
Score: 6/10
There is a gooey layer in the centre of this bar made from Muscle Nation custard powder, and this bar is trying hard to trick you into thinking it’s a chocolate bar through its soft, crunchy and chewy textures. It is almost successful. Where does the crunch come from, you ask. More of those chalky, soy protein crisps. All the artificial sweeteners (there are enough for it to come with an “excess consumption may have a laxative effect” warning) were at least balanced with salt. It wasn’t as stick-to-your-teeth as some of the other bars, but it did leave my mouth coated in a fatty film. Serviceable at 16.5g of protein per serve, but it didn’t rock my world.
Crankt Protein + Energy Bar Chocolate Mudcake, 60g, $4.50 ($7.50 per 100g), available at major supermarkets
Score: 5/10
You know people who say they eat for function, not enjoyment? This is what I picture those people eating. The packaging claims this is both a protein and energy bar, but the nutritional panel indicates the energy doesn’t come from carbohydrates, but stimulants. Caffeine and guarana, to be exact – though the quantity is so low you’d get more pep from a cup of coffee. It tastes like an old-school protein bar in that it is soft and powdery from the first chew. It turned into paste in my mouth and had a strangely tangy aftertaste. Exactly what you’d imagine 20g of protein in a bar would taste like.
BSC Soft Protein Bar Double Choc, 55g, $4.50 ($8.18 per 100g), available at major supermarkets
Score: 5/10
Even though the flavour is double choc, the sheer chocolatiness of this bar came as a surprise. On the softness scale, it fell somewhere in the middle, and ate like a solid Milky Way. Texturally, it was as sticky as higher protein bars, but only offers 16g per serve. The very definition of mid. If the texture was better, it would probably trick you into thinking it isn’t a protein bar.
True Protein Bar Rich Chocolate, 63g, $5.50 ($8.73 per 100g), available at Woolworths, health food stores and online
Score: 5/10
This bar came with the shortest ingredients list. Primarily consisting of almonds and dates, it claims to be an “excellent source of dietary fibre”, clocking in at 11.4g. For a real food bar, it is also surprisingly high in protein (17.2g per serve). It is dried-fruit-sticky without glueing to your teeth and tastes much like those fruit and nut balls everyone was obsessed with making a few years ago, just with added protein. It’s probably the most “health food aisle” – tasting protein bar – in a wholefood, Almond Mum way. You might hate it depending on your childhood trauma.
Tasti Protein Fix Triple Choc, 225g (5 bars), $5.99 ($2.34 per 100g), available at Aldi
Score: 5/10
As I eat this, it becomes more and more evident the main ingredient bumping up the protein is the dreaded chalky soy protein crisp/nugget/puff. At least in this bar, it is smothered in chocolate, hidden among a rubble of peanuts and suspended in a super-sweet, chocolate-flavoured syrup. Still, its dustiness lingers. While this bar is aided in flavour by a hefty 33% real milk chocolate as well as real sugar, it swings too hard and is far too sweet.
Hillcrest Protein Oat Bar Choc Chip Coconut, 200g (5 bars), $4.49 ($2.24 per 100g), available at Aldi
Score: 4/10
For a product with such little protein (5.6g per bar), I expected this to perform a lot better. Instead, I was shocked by how dry and crumbly it was. When I took a bite, more of the bar ended up on the floor than in my mouth. It tastes like those “rum” balls sold at school fetes that contain no rum and are made from coconut, condensed milk, crushed biscuits, cocoa powder and children’s fingerprints – except worse. Once I managed to swallow the dry oat mass, I was left with an unpleasant layer of fat on my palate that I can only put down to the margarine in the ingredients.
Quest Protein Bar Dipped Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, 50g, $4.80 ($9.60 per 100g), available at major supermarkets
Score: 3/10
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Back in the day, Quest bars were the gold standard of flavour and macros, but compared with newer options on the market, they come up short. As the sweetest bar of the batch, it was obviously an American product heavy on the artificial sweeteners. It had all the characteristics I fear from protein bars: chalky, plasticky and tacky. The chocolate coating dissipated as soon as it hit my tongue and it had an unpleasant, persistent caramel flavour. I wanted to brush and floss my teeth immediately after consumption.
