There is a question that has slowly been replacing “what’s your star sign?” at dinner parties, on first dates, and in the comment sections of basically half the internet. It goes: “What’s your attachment style?” And if you have not yet been asked it, give it roughly six months.
Attachment theory has become the dominant psychological framework of the current cultural moment; part self-help gospel, part dating strategy, part personality quiz that everyone is convinced reveals something profound and permanent about who they are. The vocabulary has seeped into everyday conversation. He’s avoidant. She’s anxiously attached. I’m fearful-avoidant, which is why I do the thing I do.
On TikTok, videos tagged #AttachmentTheory are raking in the views. Dating profiles now list attachment styles alongside height and whether you’re a dog person. “I don’t date avoidants” has become as common a declaration as “I don’t date Scorpios,” stated with equal conviction, and, according to the therapists who actually spent their careers developing these frameworks, with roughly equivalent scientific justification.
