We have come a long way in understanding the mental health impact of welcoming a new baby into the world. But until recently, most of our attention has tilted toward the parent giving birth, possibly overlooking the other.
While hormonal and physical changes can set pregnant parents up for mood shifts that can lead to depression, supporting parents are at risk, too. In fact, new research shows supporting parents face nearly the same risks for perinatal depression or postpartum depression as their pregnant partners. Parents of surrogate-born children can also experience perinatal depression, as can adoptive parents.
Here's what all parents need to know about depression risks during pregnancy and after becoming a parent, as well as how to nurture each other along the way.
If you are expecting right now, you may find yourself grappling with new levels of physical, social and mental stress. Healthy sleep, regular meals and exercise all become top priorities as you gear up for childbirth and the challenges of caring for a newborn.
Schedules may feel stretched to the max as both of you balance work and household demands with medical appointments, birthing classes and more. On top of these, you may feel extraordinary pressure to feel happy all the time. This is not only unfair and unrealistic, it may make you feel even worse if your mood is sinking lower each day.
This happy time can be a watershed moment for you and your partner. Maybe you have never been happier together – but you have also never faced a transition quite like this one. Perhaps this is why new research studies are revealing that spouses and partners can develop depression just as easily as their pregnant counterparts.
For example, a broad look across research studies shows that between 7% and 9% of new fathers develop postpartum depression. Researchers say that depressed dads are often hard on themselves, suffering deep doubts about their parenting abilities. Symptoms such as irritability, anger and aggression are common. Depressed fathers may fail to offer adequate support for birth partners and even discourage them from breastfeeding.
Although many research studies focus on fathers, partners of all genders can develop depression during the pre-natal or post-natal period. No parent is immune to the extreme pressures and heightened expectations that swirl around couples as they welcome a new child. This is why all partners need to be aware of the warning signs that point to depression.
Whether it begins during pregnancy or after your child arrives, depression is different from "the baby blues," which can bring fatigue and sadness after a child's birth but generally fades within a few days.
Perinatal or post-natal depression is a more serious condition that lasts two weeks or more. Symptoms of depression in new parents might include:
— Deep feelings of sadness, worry or anxiety
— Persistent fears for the baby's health and safety
— Low energy levels
— Rapid mood swings, with or without crying jags
— Anger and irritability
— Brain fog that makes decision-making especially difficult
— Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep
— Major changes in eating habits
— Guilt, shame and doubt about your parenting abilities
— Difficulty bonding with your newborn
If you or your partner are struggling with one or more of these symptoms, it is time to talk with your doctor.
As painful as these symptoms can be, many new parents do not seek out the care and treatment they need. Many feel they are too busy to prioritize their own health. Sleep deprivation and the pressures of caring for a helpless infant can make it difficult to think clearly about their own needs and reach for sources of relief.
Spouses and partners may feel especially reluctant to seek help. Many believe the parent who gave birth is the ONLY one who needs tender loving care. As "master caregivers" to both baby and birth parent, they might feel they have no choice but to power through. Ignoring their own needs may make matters worse, since depression is a real health issue that will not go away on its own.
When parents live with untreated depression, children are more likely to face their own struggles later. Infants need snuggles, smiles and healthy routines to grow and thrive. Their brains are developing at an amazing pace, laying the groundwork for learning and the secure family attachments that will influence their health and happiness throughout life.
Knowing your baby relies on you can serve as a powerful motivator to seek help for depression. Whether you are worried about yourself or your partner, now is the time to reach out to your doctor if depression symptoms are making life hard for you.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends all birth parents get screened for depression during pregnancy and at regular intervals after their child's birth. Most doctors now screen both partners using the same tools and evaluation scales, knowing early diagnosis and treatment will benefit the whole family.
Depression is a brain-based condition that can be treated with tools such as social support, therapy and medication. In most cases, a blended approach works best.
If you or someone you know needs support, education or local resource information related to parenting or depression, please contact the Postpartum Support International.
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ABOUT THE WRITER
Dr. Marian Earls is Director of Pediatric Programs and Deputy Chief Medical Officer for Community Care of North Carolina and a Clinical Professor of Pediatrics for the University of North Carolina Medical School. Since 2000, she has been the director of the North Carolina ABCD (Assuring Better Child Health and Development) Program.
