The Artemis II astronauts’ mission to the far side of the Moon is a double-edged sword. On one hand, they get to enjoy being the furthest away you can possibly be from Donald Trump. But, sadly, even in the inky blackness of space, they cannot fully escape him.
They floated around awkwardly as NASA put Trump on the line, who had some suitably pointless and inane words to make mankind’s historic return to the lunar sphere of influence. All indications are that each crew member is fully aware of the significance of the mission, so what did Trump have to say to mark the occasion?
Awkward scenes aboard Artemis II as Trump stops ranting and none of the astronauts have anything left to say to him, leading to extended dead air pic.twitter.com/4PjfPhfgY8
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) April 7, 2026
“Well I have to say I spoke to a very special person, Wayne Gretzky, who I think you know, the great one. And I spoke to your prime minister and many other friends I have in Canada they are so proud of you and uh, you have a lot of courage. Heh heh. I’m not sure if they’d wanna do that. I’m not even sure if the great one would want to do that to be honest with you, but you have a lot of courage doing what you’re doing. A lot of bravery, uh and a lot of uh, a lot of genius. And they’re very proud of you.”
There then followed a full minute of silence as the four astronauts floated there, literally twiddling their thumbs, playing with the floating microphone, and awkwardly side-eyeing one another. After the excruciating pause, Reid Wiseman wondered if “you guys are still on the line?” Trump replied, “I am, yes, I am”.
Okay grandpa, that’s nice
I mean, what do you even say to Trump’s pointless burbling about whether Wayne Gretzky would want to join a mission to the moon? It’s perhaps telling that the four astronauts reached a silent consensus to just politely smile and nod, the same reaction you give when an elderly relative rambles on pointlessly.
By contrast, let’s look at Richard Nixon’s 1969 call to Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin on the lunar surface for the kind of tone most would like to see a president approach this kind of situation:
I just can’t tell you how proud we all are of what you have done. For every American this has to be the proudest day of our lives… Because of what you have done, the heavens have become a part of man’s world… For one priceless moment in the whole history of man, all the people on this earth are truly one. One in their pride in what you have done and one in our prayers that you will return safely to Earth.”
And, y’know, this isn’t even one of the presidents who’s a noted orator, this is Nixon.
Perhaps, after a call like this, the Artemis II crew might decide to slow down a little as they approach the far side of the moon and become among the human beings who’ve traveled furthest from Earth. After all, if you really can get that far away from Donald Trump, maybe relish the moment and try to drag it out a little.
Once you slingshot around the Moon and start heading back to Earth, you know that you’re going to re-enter the atmosphere into the ever-worsening geopolitical and economic nightmare we all experience daily. In fact, if I were them, I’d have a serious debate about skipping the moon altogether and just blasting off into infinity, never to have to be troubled by Trump ever again.
