The current edition of France Football magazine has a photo of Viktor Gyökeres on the cover. Not that I’ve looked at it much, or pored over its details searching for meaning, but the photo shows Gyökeres half in shade, half in sun, displaying his famously shredded physique, not so much the standard male musculature, more a selection of lines and bulges, like he’s made entirely from giant walnuts, like a perfect human challah loaf designed by a robot.
In the photo Gyökeres is smiling with a kind of fervour, as though he’s about to sell you a miracle muscle powder. And I for one would buy this powder. Make me into a cyborg, Viktor. Maximise my hidden hyper-potential. Basically, I want Viktor Gyökeres to hold me brusquely in his arms while he talks about good proteins and explains the blockchain, in a way that isn’t sexual. Not for me anyway, but that definitely is for him.
