When my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer I never believed he would die. Even when, a few months later, the doctors ushered us into what was plainly a bad news room and told us he was going to.
Despite being a completely glass-half-empty person who always expects the worst, I utterly uncharacteristically transformed from Polly into Pollyanna.
My dad would confound expectation, defy the prognosis, be the exception to the rule. Of course he would. He had to.
I held on to this hope until his last breath, and when he took it, in amongst all the other feelings was shock. When it comes to someone you love that deeply, logic and common sense goes out the window.
So I totally understand why Archie Battersbee’s mum – despite all evidence to the tragic contrary – is holding out for a miracle.
It’s not that she won’t give up, it’s that she can’t.
Archie has been in a coma since he was found unconscious at his home in Essex on April 7.
On Monday, the High Court ruled the 12 year old would never recover from his injuries so his life-support should be switched off. Doctors treating him have said it is “highly likely” he is brain stem dead, which, by NHS website definition, means that “the damage is irreversible and the person has died”.
It goes on to say it can be “confusing because their life support machine keeps the heart beating and the chest will still rise and fall with every breath from the ventilator. But they have already died.”
Confusing is the very least of it. Whatever facts she has been provided with, all Archie’s mum Hollie can see is her beloved son, apparently just asleep, his little chest rising and falling like it has every night of his life.
She is, understandably, making decisions purely with her heart, not her head.
When you are that invested – when it’s your son, or your dad – you are just too close to see the situation clearly. And also, you don’t want to see it clearly, because then it might actually be real.
Archie’s family plan to appeal the ruling. Hollie insisted: “His heart is still beating, he has gripped my hand. As his mother, and my gut instinct, I know my son is still there.”
The barrister representing the hospital told the judge that Archie’s treatment team say any movements are reflexes.
Hollie added: “I know of miracles when people have come back from being brain dead. I’m not going to give up, this is just the start of the fight.”
It’s impossible not to feel for her, for the whole family, for Archie. We all want to believe there will be a miracle for them, even though, sadly, they so rarely happen.
This poor woman is obviously devastated, visibly exhausted, utterly shattered by this unbearable nightmare. And yet, on and on she goes. Fighting, hoping, believing. Of course she does. She doesn’t have a choice.
