Trust and respect are fundamental in any relationship, but especially in romantic ones. It can be utterly devastating to learn that your partner constantly fantasizes about sleeping with other people. But in some cases, this can get a whole lot worse.
One anonymous woman, a triplet, asked the r/AITAH subreddit for their input about a dramatic situation in her life. She revealed that she broke up with her partner after he disgusted her with a ‘fantasy’ he had involving her and her sisters. Read on for the story, as well as the internet’s reactions. Bored Panda has reached out to the author via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
One challenge that triplets and twins face is that they sometimes become the focus of other people’s ‘fantasies’
Image credits: Suhyeon Choi (Not the actual photo)
A woman shared how she ended up dumping her partner when he opened up about having romantic thoughts about her and her siblings
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (Not the actual photo)
Image credits: FullDoughnut9777
Fantasizing about other people is fine for some, but there are those who feel like it’s akin to cheating
For some people, fantasizing about someone else while they’re in a relationship is innocent enough. However, some individuals believe that having these thoughts is cheating, even if the other person doesn’t act on those fantasies.
Whether or not someone finds it acceptable for their partner to think about other people in a romantic way will depend entirely on the relationship. What you and your partner’s values and boundaries are and what your relationship dynamics are will determine how you feel about this.
Certified sexologist Tyomi Morgan told The Knot that people fantasize about others because they have traits they desire but don’t have access to in real life. In other cases, fantasizing happens when someone isn’t happy in their relationship or if they’re feeling sexually frustrated.
“The only access that they have is in their own mind. So they’ll take the persona of that person, their qualities, their traits and then just daydream a little bit about them, which gives them the feeling of having an interaction with them, or even having a relationship with them, even though it’s just a fantasy,” the expert shared.
According to her, daydreaming and having romantic fantasies can keep one’s erotic imagination healthy and allow someone to be creative without harming the relationship. However, in some cases, someone’s partner may be uncomfortable with this if it goes against their expectations or boundaries.
Image credits: Dương Nhân (Not the actual photo)
There’s a serious issue if these daydreams become more important than the person’s partner or real life
“It is unhealthy to tell somebody you can’t think about another person, you can’t fantasize, because you’re telling a person they can’t be human,” Morgan warned.
Romantic fantasies become unhealthy when they start disconnecting you from your partner, and your responsibilities, and begin affecting your daily life. In short, if someone’s obsessed with their fantasies more than their real life, it’s a problem that might need the help of a therapist to move past.
“When the fantasizing takes the place of their real life interactions with this person who they’re in relationship with, and they say that they love and they’re committed to, that’s when it becomes unhealthy,” the expert said.
Everyone has romantic fantasies of some sort. It would be naive to think that they don’t. They’re very common. But their type is going to differ from person to person. Some are more vanilla. Others are raunchier.
Image credits: Budgeron Bach (Not the actual photo)
It’s helpful if both partners are on the same page in terms of what they want romantically
The issue is that, in some cases, there’s a lack of compatibility between the expectations that people have in a relationship. If the couple has wildly different romantic desires, there might be some tension there.
To put it bluntly, if one person has romantic fantasies that put their partner off, then the relationship is on shaky ground. There’s incompatibility.
Of course, this does not mean that one person should relent and do something that goes against their wishes. There has to be consent. Both individuals have to feel comfortable.
There’s also the question of emotional vulnerability and trust at play here. Ideally, both partners should feel comfortable enough to open up about their romantic desires without feeling judged. (After all, not everyone plans to go through with their fantasies.)
However, that’s easier said than done. Some desires might genuinely make the other person uncomfortable, and their instant reaction can be disgust, fear, embarrassment, or even anger.
What would you have done if you were in the author’s shoes, dear Pandas? Where would you draw the line when it comes to these sorts of romantic desires? Do you think both partners have to be on the same page in terms of fantasies for the relationship to work out? Let us know what you think in the comments.
Image credits: Min An (Not the actual photo)
Many internet users were shocked by what happened. Here’s what they said
However, not everyone saw the situation the same way. A few readers had a different take
