Dan* would do all the things you'd expect before a Grindr date – brush his teeth, comb his hair – but he'd also turn on his location, send his friend a photo of the person he was with, their phone numbers, as well as a link to their social media platforms.
He's had too many bad experiences to roll the dice.
"That's how bad it can be, that people are messaging each other to say, 'just in case I get murdered or attacked, this is who I was with'," he said.
Almost three-quarters (72.3 per cent) of dating app users have been subjected to online sexual violence in the past five years, a new study about dating app facilitated sexual violence has found.
It ranges from being sent unwanted sexually explicit pictures to being threatened.
The study, published today by the Australian Institute of Criminology, found one in three users had been subjected to in-person sexual violence perpetrated by someone they had met on a dating app or website: including being physically or verbally pressured into performing unwanted sexual acts or having their drink spiked.
According to the study, lesbian, gay and bisexual people were more likely to experience both. Survey questions did not identify transgender individuals, which the report notes as a limitation.
"It's horrendous … [but] going from my own experiences and the experiences of my friends and colleagues, that's not a surprise at all," Dan said.
"The most common one online is abuse around whether a person thinks you haven't responded quick enough or in a manner they want. Or people sending explicit sexual images without any warning or any conversations beforehand."
But he said that was easy enough to avoid – "block them, delete the app".
"But the biggest one was being with someone and them wanting to do something that I didn't want to and them forcing themselves onto me and to do it anyway," he said.
"That's been a really common experience of friends of mine as well."
It got to a point, he said, that he stopped using the app – but he insisted his friends should do the same.
"Making sure [they] verify a person's identity before meeting them so if something does go bad I'm able to tell the police what that person's name is and a phone number," he said.
"It shouldn't have to be a necessity but it's the way things are."
The 'new form of sexual violence'
Online sexual violence or technology-facilitated sexual violence refers to any behaviours where digital technologies – or online technologies – are used for sexual harassment, exploitation or abuse.
Jill Maxwell, the CEO of Sexual Assault Support Service, said it has rapidly become the "new form of sexual violence" and needed to be recognised accordingly.
"There are many forms of online abuse: monitoring, such as stalking, people accessing your phone to find out your location, sending you unwanted texts or threats," she said.
It also included making unwelcomed or hateful comments, continuing to contact someone after they've told you they are not interested and sending or taking sexually explicit messages, photos or videos without consent.
The AIC's study focused specifically on dating app facilitated sexual violence (DAFSV) – anything mentioned above that occurred through or because of dating apps (like Tinder or Grindr or Hinge) or dating websites (like eharmony or RSVP).
It centred on 15 different forms of online DAFSV and eight forms of in-person DAFSV.
It is not a comprehensive list of every type of online sexual violence, and the study stated the already-shocking figures may still be under-reporting the true extent of DAFSV.
Dan agreed.
"One hundred per cent of my friends that have used apps like Grindr would have experienced sexual violence like receiving images," he said.
"Eighty per cent of us have experienced sexual violence in person from someone we've met online.
"A lot of LGBT people don't understand that what they experience is sexual violence or it's normalised like 'this is just what happens on dating apps'.
"It's important that we change that mindset."
'Perpetrators are looking to cover their tracks'
The AIC's study, which surveyed 9,987 Australians aged over 18 who used dating apps, found two-thirds reported being sexually harassed and almost half had been sent an unwanted explicit picture or video.
More than a quarter said they had been subjected to sexual coercion.
Half the respondents who experienced DAFSV said the perpetrator blocked them, unmatched them or deleted their own accounts.
"This shows that the perpetrators are looking to cover their tracks because they know they've done something wrong and unfortunately, the features allow this on some dating apps and websites," Sarah Napier from the Australian Institute of Criminology said.
"Some of the design features on these apps or websites really allow perpetrators to disappear and not be detected and that's a real problem."
Calls for change
The study called for a change in design of online dating apps and sites to make them safer.
It suggested the use of artificial intelligence to censor images – including multi-factor identification processes to stop perpetrators from making multiple accounts and remove anonymity.
"This is the decade of meeting people online … so we can't just try and stump that and stop it," Ms Napier said.
Dan – who also works as an advocate in the LGBT community – said education and accountability were key.
"The big thing is education with the community about what consent looks like and what sexual assault looks like," he said.
"We look at LGBTQ communities and a lot of the time they're skipped in those awareness campaigns around what sexual assault is, around rape or around consent.
"It's a great step that we're now seeing the figures and how horrendous they are.
"It's now time for government and support services and the community to step up and make these people safe who are using the apps.
*Dan's name has been changed for privacy reasons.
