All theatre should be less than two hours or more than five. It’s in between where things get tough

‘Three and a half hours is the danger zone: the play you’re most likely to feel restless in, like it has taken up too much of your day.’ Photograph: Tom Jenkins/The Guardian

Last week, I spent an hour in a makeshift theatre in the middle of a park, watching Garry Starr’s comedy clown show Classic Penguins. The next day, I spent eight and a half hours in one of Adelaide’s oldest theatres watching Elevator Repair Service’s Gatz – a play where The Great Gatsby is read aloud in full.

Both times, there was nowhere I’d rather be. They both adhere to my golden rule: all theatre should be less than two hours or more than five hours.