‘All I want to do is cry’: trauma of 7 October survivors three years after the attacks

Pictures on a blackened wall in Nir Oz commemorate victims of the 7 October attacks. The sign says Benjamin Netanyahu has blood on his hands. Photograph: Quique Kierszenbaum/The Guardian

Keith Siegel spent many of his long hours in Hamas captivity in Gaza etching everything that happened after 7 October 2023 into his memory. For 484 days, he recited to himself every place he was held, the dates he was moved and every attack or humiliation he endured or witnessed.

He aimed to store intelligence that could help Israeli forces free other hostages if he was released, to keep track of time as the days slid by and be able to tell his family what happened to him. Now his body is free, but he cannot loosen those memories.