A healthy relationship is based on more than just love and admiration; the couple must respect one another, too, as well as the boundaries they both set.
When this redditor opened up about a certain situation in his relationship, fellow netizens suggested that setting boundaries is exactly what he should be focusing on. He shared that his girlfriend would cuddle with her male best friend, which the OP himself found a bit weird, even if he didn’t think it meant something more.
Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a licensed clinical psychologist, Dr. Yesel Yoon, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions on the importance of setting boundaries.
For many couples, cuddling is a way to express love and fondness or simply to unwind together
Image credits: Becca Tapert / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
This man found it weird that his girlfriend would cuddle with her male best friend
Image credits: Yan Krukau / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Hot_Chemistry9916
Cuddling can have a positive effect on one’s well-being
It’s safe to assume that most people love cuddling and hugs (except for when it’s too hot and you dread anyone or anything touching you that is not the cool breeze coming from the AC). Be it an unexpected embrace or cuddling while watching your favorite show, having someone hold you in their arms tends to evoke this warm and fuzzy feeling, as well as a sense of safety, neither of which sound like a detrimental state to be in.
A piece in Forbes magazine emphasized just how important hugs are, citing a world-renowned family therapist, Virginia Satir, who said that “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” According to Forbes, there are four main reasons why humans need hugs on a daily basis, the first being that they strengthen people’s immune system and help balance their body.
In addition to that, hugs increase a sense of safety and trust in other people, as well as your sense of belonging, by minimizing feelings of loneliness, isolation, and anger. Last but not least, hugs reportedly increase your feelings of mattering and self-esteem, as extended hugging—lasting 20 seconds or more—boosts the serotonin levels, resulting in experiencing positive emotions.
Hugging and cuddling releases oxytocin, also known as the ‘love’ or the ‘cuddling’ hormone
Serotonin is not the only mood-related chemical that hugging boosts, though. Also known as the ‘love’ or the ‘cuddle’ hormone, oxytocin, too, is released when we’re in our loved ones’ arms. According to Harvard Health Publishing, a simple act of touch, giving someone a hug or—you guessed it—cuddling can lead to higher levels of oxytocin, and consequently, a greater sense of well-being.
A survey of more than a thousand heterosexual couples in long-term relationships (averaging 25 years) revealed that cuddling was seemingly more important for men than for their female counterparts. Be that as it may, the survey also found that both men and women felt happier with their relationships the longer they stayed together.
While the time spent together seemingly works in favor of a couple’s relationship, one of the partners cuddling with someone else arguably does not. That’s why quite a few netizens in the comments under the OP’s post suggested that he reevaluate his relationship or set some boundaries at least.
Boundaries play a significant role in any relationship
Talking about the importance of setting boundaries, the licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Yesel Yoon pointed out that in a relationship, it’s crucial to discuss them, and do it more than once. “Boundaries cover a broad range of behaviors and expectations of engagement. It’s important to consent and be in agreement about what a ‘romantic relationship’ entails – what is the structure of the relationship (monogamous, polyamorous, open)? These definitions will set in motion the kinds of boundaries and expectations the partners involved can have of each other,” she noted.
“As for importance, regardless of the structure of the relationship, constructive conversations about boundaries and rules of engagement are incredibly important. It’s an ongoing conversation and it’s important to start early and continue them often.”
According to the expert, some examples of boundaries to set or discuss in a healthy relationship include the boundaries regarding time expectations, consensual physical and sexual intimacy, negotiations about monetary and other resources—are these resources shared or separated, and if so, how?—how to communicate and have healthy conflict, and what is or isn’t okay to discuss around each other and other people (like friends, family, colleagues).
Fellow netizens shared their opinions in the comments, many saw the gf cuddling her friend as a huge red flag
