Abby Veltheim tried to hide her secret for two years — to no avail.
Now she is sharing her story with the world to try to help others understand the ordeal she and countless others have endured.
The Cairns high school student feels like she has been to hell and back as she overcame the eating disorder anorexia nervosa.
"A lot of people think it's as simple as wanting to lose weight, but I found comfort in the disorder," Abby said.
"It convinces you it wants the best for you and that it's your friend and will get you the things you want.
"I saw anorexia as a friend that was with me all the time."
Abby's personal journey is now on the big screen and her short film, My Friend Ana, starred at this year's Port Shorts Film Festival in Port Douglas, winning the audience-voted Shout Out Award.
"I have a friend whose name is Ana and she's always with me from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep," the film begins.
Abby said the production was a cathartic process.
"You can try to explain it to people, but it's hard for them to understand unless they are in your shoes," Abby said.
"I hope my film helps people see the disorder through my eyes."
Self-destruction
Abby said her eating disorder took hold quickly in year 10 when she began comparing herself to girls at school and on social media.
A year later, she was in hospital with anorexia nervosa.
During her six-week stay, Abby remembers being given a feeding tube as her organs came close to shutting down.
Her mother Michelle Munroe was by her side.
"I was at the hospital from dawn until dusk," Ms Munroe said.
"I took three straight weeks off work and was at the hospital probably 18 hours a day, just sitting with Abby so I could be there at mealtimes
Ms Munroe admits she didn't comprehend how serious her daughter's condition was in the beginning.
"I think I was in denial, but then it spiralled out of control very quickly and I realised I needed to do something," she said.
"It's so hard as a mum to watch your child develop this hate for themselves.
"I used to spend every day trying to find the magic words to say that would make her stop but sometimes there were no words.
"I just felt powerless."
Ms Munroe said there were good days and bad days and eventually more good days than bad.
"It had a huge impact on the family. We would sit here as a family at the dining table at meal times and Abby would just cry trying to get through a meal.
"It was really difficult for her sister and her stepsisters to understand."
More common than you think
Approximately 1 million Australians are living with an eating disorder in any given year, according to the National Eating Disorders Collaboration, with adolescence the highest-risk age bracket.
Mitch Smith is an accredited practising dietician in Cairns and treats people from the ages of 10 to 50 with eating disorders daily.
Mr Smith said for many people with an eating disorder, it could feel like having another voice in their head.
"Sometimes the eating disorder voice can make them act out or behave in a situation that is not indicative of who that person is and the eating disorder voice controls them," he said.
Mr Smith said there was "no one size fits all" approach to managing eating disorders, but usually involved a general practitioner, a clinical psychologist and a dietician.
Road to recovery
For Abby, her hospital admission was not the end of her mental health struggle.
"There were a lot of low times when I was out of hospital and trying to get better, having to accept the changes in my body and trying to change the way I was thinking," she said.
But slowly, with the help of a medical team and her family, Abby said her mindset started to change.
"I just realised how much of life I was missing out on, and I thought I don't want to sit around when I'm 80 years old and be too scared to eat my own birthday cake," she said.
"I realised it wasn't a sustainable way of living and it was starting to affect everyone around me, and I didn't want to live like that anymore."
One of the biggest changes Abby made was to step away from social media and unfollow people and accounts that triggered her.
"Tik Tok was probably the worst platform; there were a lot of harmful things on there and it wasn't helpful," she said.
Abby said she had almost made a full recovery, but still avoided things that could impact her mental health.
It was a recovery her family was determined never to give up on.
"I'm so proud of Abby telling her story, making this film and her motivation behind doing it," Ms Munroe said.
"Even if her story helps one teenager, then it's done its job."
