Pass notes: Printer ink.
Age: Ink has been around for yonks, since early folks started using soot to draw pictures on the walls of their caves. The history of ink can be traced through ancient Egypt, China, fountain pens, the birth of printing …
Yeah, all right Mary Beard, very interesting I’m sure, but get on with the story, will you? This is about printer ink, and specifically how it is delivered.
What, as in by laser, inkjet or whatever? More about how it gets delivered to your house or office.
Ah, now that is important. It’s so annoying when you run out halfway through printing out your novel for a final … Oh dear, it seems to have happened to you now. Hang on, I’ve got this covered.
[20 minutes later]
Wow, that was quick. Did you send it by rocket? Bicycle, actually, admittedly an electric one. Deliveroo.
The takeaway delivery company with the rabbit logo, like Playboy’s? Er, I think it’s a kangaroo. But anyway, it’s not just takeaways; since the pandemic it has teamed up with some supermarkets. Now it is starting a trial partnership with WH Smith. So if you need an ink cartridge in a hurry, a geometry set, a copy of Angling Times, a bestselling novel …
I’ve already got one of those, I’m just going to print it out. I’ll do an extra one for you. So it’s turning into you-know-who? It depends on whether you want your ink cartridge delivered in a van by Jeff Bezos or on a bike by Will Shu.
Will Shu? The co-founder and chief exec of Deliveroo. He has been trying to reassure shareholders that it’s going to get out of the red and on to a “longer-term path to profitability”. WH Smith has been having a tough time of it too, with its airport and railway station stores hit by the pandemic. The trial starts in nine shops, including in Reading, Brighton, Guildford and London.
Sounds like a dream partnership. Bad news this end, though: the novel’s still not coming out – maybe it wasn’t just the ink cartridge. Oh yeah, that’s the other problem with home printers: they just don’t work, ink or no ink.
Maybe Deliveroo riders should carry portable battery-powered printers in their boxy teal-coloured backpacks. Instant home printing on your doorstep? I like it. Shhh, quick, can we patent it? Then it’s Jeff Buzzoff and Will Whu.
Do say: “We could get the riders to do it with a smile and call the service Prints Charming.”
Don’t say: “Yeah, but the gig economy is exploitative and unfair to the workers.” Actually, on second thoughts, you can – and should – say that.
• This article was amended on 31 March 2022 to correct the spelling of Guildford.
