If ever you land near death’s door, you may find yourself scrolling the options for non-human reincarnation. A noble eagle, perhaps, or a river dolphin; a mountain goat, or a stolid little bumblebee. Your best bet would be to come back as one of my father’s dogs. Free of human responsibility, you’ll still reap many of civilisation’s core benefits, like living indoors, eating cooked meals and watching Loose Women.
Moreover, you will know the love of humankind, for Annie and Dougie – his beautiful but large and needy Labradors – are my father’s most ardent objects of affection and his favourite topic of conversation. They are also, I should add, his favourite conversational partners. Sometimes, while talking to him this week, I’ve caught his face screwing up in resentment as he realises that he is reduced to speaking to a person. Most of all, he is their indefatigable advocate on those occasions when I speak calumny against them.
