BIG BHOYS
It only seems like three months and nine days since Real Madrid beat Liverpool in Paris, and yet here we are again. Big Cup returns on Tuesday evening, and another campaign of excitement and drama / mundanity barely enlivened by the occasional slightly surprising group defeat that has little or no consequence in the long run [delete according to how jaded and detached from society you’ve become as the years pass by] stretches out ahead of us. The Fiver’s plumping for the former option, since you ask, because if we don’t paint on our gameface and at least make a stab at embracing positivity as a way of life, it’s going to be an awfully long few months until the knockouts.
And to be fair, there is a game on Matchday One that genuinely gets the juices flowing, as holders Madrid arrive at Parkhead for only the second time in their history. Back in 1980, a team that featured Laurie Cunningham, Vicente del Bosque, Uli Stielike and Juanito came to Glasgow for the first leg of the quarter-finals, and played the Queen’s Celtic off the park for the best part of an hour. However, the momentum shifted when keeper Mariano García Remón fumbled the ball into the path of George McCluskey, who tapped home. Real then permitted Johnny Doyle, 5ft 6in, to head home a second. A memorable victory, only slightly compromised by a 3-0 defeat in the return leg at the Bernabéu … but a 100% home win rate against Real Madrid is a 100% home win rate against Real Madrid, and it doesn’t matter how many games have been played or whichever way you try to spin it.
Whether the Bhoys can maintain that perfect record remains to be seen. The holders are 9-1 to retain their trophy, while you can get Celtic at 500s, so it’s fair to say another win for the Queen’s Eleven is a tough ask. But Ange Postecoglou’s men are high on confidence right now, having won all seven of their matches this season so far to the cumulative score of 29-2, and while Real have also won all of their games in this campaign to date, their coach Carlo Ancelotti can be forgiven for harbouring a few doubts. He considers Parkhead “a complicated environment”, and no wonder, because his personal record at the stadium is played three, drawn two, lost one, all with Milan. Oh Carlo!
Throw in Madrid’s cold start on Matchday One last season, when they were downed by Sheriff Tiraspol, and another Celtic victory suddenly doesn’t seem quite so unlikely. Of course, it’ll make no difference in the grand scheme of things – we refer you back to the opening paragraph – but you’ve got to get your kicks while they’re on offer. It’s going to be an awfully long few months otherwise.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“We’re used to more relevant and responsible answers from you … shall we talk about this?” – French sports minister Amélie Oudéa-Castéra huffs in response to PSG’s head coach Christophe Galtier scoffing at complaints they flew to Nantes rather than take the two-hour TGV rattler, raising the ire of environmentalists. “We’re looking into travelling on sand yachts,” guffawed Galtier as PSG chief suit Kylian Mbappé smirked alongside him.
FIVER LETTERS
“With reference to the story of the goalkeeper going off the field to relieve himself and then getting sent off for it (yesterday’s Quote of the Day), I was wondering which rule had been applied by the ref. Assuming there is not an a rule actually stating that a player cannot do this, I found the following under Law 4, rule 6: ‘A player who leaves the field of play to correct or change equipment must: have the equipment checked by a match official before being allowed to re-enter.’ A weird job for the fourth official, to be sure” – Nigel Sanders.
“My advice for those who question the need and validity of VAR (yesterday’s Fiver) is to give up on those teams charging you £100 for a seat and another £100 for your refreshments, and come along to games in the lower divisions, where a purer form of the game is played and you are not ripped off quite as much” – Tim Diggles (and others).
“In response to Jorge Harriague (yesterday’s Fiver letters), I too am an avid Fiver reader, all the way from Santa Cruz. Unlike Jorge, I hail from Santa Cruz, California. As a Premier League follower and fan, I have to say, The Fiver adds little to my understanding of culture or humour. It isn’t entertaining, or educating. Nor is it witty, sincere, provocative, cool, open, sarcastic or controversial. In the USA! USA!! USA!!! saying things publicly and openly creates havoc, so snidely adopting a superior attitude to a tea-timely email (and to most other people, nations, sports and cultures) helps us feel good about ourselves, and allows us to ignore the raging fires (both figurative and literal) burning all ‘round! The Fiver reminds us that being brutally honest about other’s failings while resolutely failing to look at ourselves in the mirror is a healthy, honourable and yes, American, way to live life! Many thanks to Jorge and The Fiver” – Jason O’Mahony.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Nigel Sanders.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
It’s David Squires on … the great refereeing crisis of 2022.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
The FA is investigating a video circulated online, which appears to show racist abuse being aimed at the York’s Lenell John-Lewis during their match at Yeovil.
Goalline techies Hawk-Eye have apologised to Huddersfield after the system failed to award the Terriers an equaliser against Blackpool. “The position of the players, the goalpost and the goalkeeper impacted the cameras’ line of sight to the moving ball and as such, a decision could not be determined by the system,” wailed a Hawk-Eye suit.
Paul Pogba is set to miss the Human Rights World Cup. Successful surgery on knee-knack will likely keep him from making his second Juventus debut until 2023.
Prospective Wolves snarler Diego Costa has had his work permit turned down by HM Home Office, though the Spanish international, 78, is expected to be successful on appeal.
Southampton winger Nathan Redmond is set to depart St Mary’s, and head to Turkish football, where each of Besiktas, Galatasaray and Fenerbahce want him.
And Eric Bailly is not happy with Manchester United, having been loaned to Marseille. “The club should avoid favouring English players and give everyone a chance,” roared Bailly, his centre-back position now occupied by, er, Lisandro Martínez and Raphaël Varane.
STILL WANT MORE?
Our WSL previews keep on coming. Next up: Everton and Leicester.
Elis James looks ahead to Wales’s crunch Women’s World Cup qualifier against Slovenia.
Philipp Lahm laments the predictability of Big Cup.
And if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
