We often roll our eyes at the “good old days,” but let’s be honest: something has been lost in our modern, fast-paced, digital world. There was a certain grace to the way people interacted a few decades ago. It wasn’t just about stiff rules; it was about consideration.
Boomers were raised with a code of etiquette that prioritized the comfort of others. Today, we ghost people, scroll through phones at dinner, and wear pajamas to the airport. While we don’t need to bring back everything (looking at you, rigid gender roles), there are some classic behaviors that we desperately need to revive. Here are nine “old school” manners that have completely disappeared, and why we should bring them back.
1. The RSVP (And Actually Meaning It)
In the past, receiving an invitation was a commitment. You checked your calendar, and you replied “Yes” or “No” promptly. If you said yes, you showed up, barring a medical emergency. Today, the RSVP has become a “Maybe.”
People wait until the last minute to see if a better offer comes along. They “ghost” parties or cancel via text an hour before. This lack of commitment is incredibly disrespectful to the host who bought food and planned for you. Bringing back the integrity of the RSVP shows that you value your friends’ time and effort.
It builds trust. When people know you are a person of your word, your presence means more. It anchors your social circle in reality, not just potential.
2. Writing Hand-Written Thank You Notes
We send a “thx” text with a praying hands emoji and call it a day. But Boomers knew the power of pen on paper. Receiving a hand-written note in the mail is a tactile experience. It says, “I sat down, I thought about you, and I spent time on this.”
It isn’t about the stationery; it is about the pause. In a world of instant communication, the slowness of a letter carries weight. It deepens relationships in a way a text never can.
Try writing just one thank you note this month. Watch the reaction you get. It is like giving someone a small, physical piece of gratitude they can keep.
3. Calling Before You Visit
The “Pop-In” was common on TV sitcoms, but in reality, Boomers (and their parents) respected the sanctity of the home. You didn’t just show up; you called first to ask if it was a good time. Today, texting “I’m outside” puts the host in a panic.
This manner is about boundaries. It gives the host time to put on pants, tidy up, or simply say “not today.” It respects their privacy and their right to control their environment.
Restoring this buffer allows people to host on their own terms, making the actual visit more relaxed and enjoyable for everyone.
4. Dressing Up for Travel and Events
Look at photos of an airport in 1970. People wore suits and dresses. Today, it looks like a slumber party. While comfort is key, there is a psychological shift that happens when you dress up. It signals respect for the occasion and the people around you.
We have lost the sense of “occasion.” Wearing sweatpants to a theater or a nice dinner flattens the experience. It makes everything feel like sitting on the couch.
Putting in a little effort elevates the energy of the room. It makes the event feel special. It says, “I am showing up as my best self.”
5. Standing When Someone Enters the Room
This was a sign of supreme respect. If a woman, an elder, or a guest entered the room, men (and often women) would stand to greet them. It was a physical acknowledgment of their presence.
Today, we barely look up from our screens. We grunt a hello. Staying seated signals that the person entering isn’t important enough to interrupt your comfort.
Standing up creates a welcoming energy. It physically opens the circle to include the new person. It is a tiny gesture that makes people feel instantly seen and valued.
6. Not Discussing Controversial Topics at Dinner
The old rule was “No politics, religion, or money at the dinner table.” Now, every dinner seems to turn into a debate or a therapy session. While open dialogue is good, the dinner table was meant to be a place of digestion and harmony.
Boomers understood that you don’t need to hash out every worldview while eating pot roast. They prioritized the relationship over being “right.”
Bringing back neutral, pleasant conversation allows people to connect on a human level without the armor of their political identities. It preserves the family bond.
7. Taking Your Hat Off Indoors
This seems trivial, but it was a universal sign of deference. Taking off your hat when entering a home, a church, or a restaurant meant you were humbling yourself to the space. You were uncovering your head as a sign of trust and respect.
Today, baseball caps at the dinner table are common. It creates a barrier. It hides the eyes and signals a casualness that borders on indifference. Removing the hat is a vulnerable act. It says, “I am staying awhile, and I am open to you.”
8. Asking “May I?” Instead of “Can I?”
Grammar aside, this distinction matters. “Can I” asks about ability; “May I” asks for permission. It centers the other person’s agency. It is polite and deferential.
We have become demanding. We say “Give me the salt” instead of “May I have the salt?” The softness of the language changes the tone of the interaction from a transaction to a request. Polite language acts as a lubricant for social friction. It makes daily interactions smoother and kinder.
9. Waiting for Everyone to be Served Before Eating
You sit down, your food arrives, and you dig in while everyone else watches. It is awkward and selfish. The old rule was simple: nobody eats until the host sits or everyone has their plate.
This emphasizes that the meal is a communal event, not just a feeding trough. It aligns the group. It is a practice of patience and solidarity. Waiting those few minutes honors the people you are with. It says that the company is just as important as the food.
Manners Are About Empathy
At their core, manners are just empathy in action. They are small ways of saying, “I see you, and I value your comfort.” We could all use a little more of that energy right now.
Which “old school” rule do you still strictly follow? Tell us in the comments!
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