Parties often have a lot of unwritten rules about how you should behave. Depending on your local culture and relationship dynamics, you might be expected to be fashionably late or bring the host a gift. But something that is in a bit of a grey area is knowing when to leave. Very few hosts are willing to outright tell you ‘get off my couch, leave, I’m sleepy.’
The ever-helpful r/AskReddit community shared some of the (not so) subtle signs that it’s probably time for you to thank your host, grab your things, and head home. ASAP! Scroll down for their useful tips, and be sure to upvote the ones that you personally found the most helpful.
#1
If the host starts cleaning up instead of socializing, it's either time to help or time to leave.
Image credits: scienceforbid
#2
Host puts their hands on their knees, stands up and says “well, it’s getting late”.
Image credits: xrc20
#3
If someone shows off or flashes a weapon of any kind. Gun, knife, taser, whatever. Just go. It always ends badly and bystanders get hurt all too often.
Image credits: magicpwny
Setting the right expectations can save you a lot of headaches down the line. If you’re throwing a formal party with physical invites, social media pages, and the like, you can indicate how long the event will last. If you clearly state that you’re wrapping things up by 2 am, then nobody has an excuse to stay longer. Unless they decide to stick around and help you wash the mountain of dirty dishes you’re bound to have!
In other cases… there’s some ambiguity. You’ve probably known at least a few guests who like to stick around and keep chatting on and on (and on!). No matter how many subtle hints and nudges you throw their way that you want to be alone now, they keep dodging them like the socially unperceptive pros they are.
#4
A group of males that no one really knows show up.
Image credits: groundsgonesour
#5
When the hosts yawn, leave.
If the hosts don't yawn, leave by the time half the guest have.
Don't stay until the end unless it's your best friend.
Image credits: LAC_NOS
#6
Some cultures, they put out a bowl/display of fruit as a last bite of food before you go. Some folks call it "FOF" (F*&$ Off Fruit) haha.
Image credits: awkwardly_competent
It’s here where the relationship between your character and the dynamics you have with your friends play a huge role. Some people are very big on humor and directness, so they’ll have no problem telling their pals to ‘eff off’ while everyone has a good laugh.
Others prefer more refined and nuanced strategies so as not to offend anyone. They might start washing the dishes or they’ll change into some cozier clothing. They might physically get up and start clearing the tables. They might start glancing at their watch. Or they might genuinely look tired and be less engaged in the conversation.
The odds are that you’ve done something similar in the past. We know we have! A fan favorite of ours is the good old ‘welp!’ that you spout while slapping your knees. It’s brilliantly effective!
#7
When the dog get nervous.
Image credits: Healthy-Brilliant549
#8
In Syria, social visits begin with juice. Then sweets. Then at last, after a nice visit, Turkish coffee with cardamom. When the coffee comes out, you know to sip and split.
In Yemen, coffee is served first. This resulted in a bit of an awkward visit once when my Yemeni friends invited new Syrian acquaintances over to visit….
#9
If there's two or more guys being loud and one of them suddenly takes his shirt off, you have somewhere between 1 second and 1 minute to skedaddle before the fight starts.
Image credits: I_am_Warthog
Etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, the founder of the Protocol School of Texas, told HuffPost that for guests, the rule of thumb is that you don’t want to be the first or last person to leave. Broadly speaking, if you’re the last person to leave, you probably weren’t reading the social cues that it was time to go. If you’re one of the last guests left at the party, you can either leave or help the host clean up.
According to Gottsman, when she wants to end an event as a host, she balances transparency with politeness. It’s a breath of fresh air to realize that you really can be honest. However, it still matters how you phrase everything.
“You really can just say, ’It’s been really nice to have all of you here together tonight. I am getting a bit sleepy from the exciting evening and I am going to have to call it a night very soon. I hope you have enjoyed yourself and I look forward to seeing you again soon,’” the etiquette expert said.
#10
When I slap both knees and say “Welp”.
#11
There are people starting to trash the place.
Image credits: Cheezel62
#12
In my experience, when someone shares a Youtube video they're excited about.
The video is fine, but it inevitably leads to "Oh, that reminds me of one I saw!" leading to an unending chain of people sharing videos, most of the group bored at any given one.
The party is over, now its just people watching Youtube. Bail.
Image credits: niveknhoj
Welp! [Slaps knees]. How do you indicate to your guests that it’s time for them to leave, dear Pandas? On the flip side, what are the most common signs you’ve experienced that you should probably head home as a guest?
When’s the last time you’ve had a guest over who couldn’t get any of your hints that it was time for them to head home? What are some subtle red flags that you might want to duck out of an event early? We’re very interested in your experiences and opinions, so if you have a moment, swing by the comments section.
#13
At my friend’s birthday party he stood up, turned off the music, thanked everyone for coming and said, “you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here “. I think it’s from a song but I’d never heard it and I thought it was great.
#14
In your teens: any vomiting.
In your 20s: it’s just you and the host’s closest friends, and everyone left there is a closer friend than you.
In your 30s: the babysitter needs to get home.
In your 40s: no one needs encouragement. Our pajamas start calling us immediately after dinner.
#15
When the party is growing and people who weren't originally invited start showing up. Leave. The party is NOT going to get better. .
Image credits: DaBigadeeBoola
#16
When you are ravenously hungry
When the birds start waking up
When folks begin playing quarters for shots of Evan Williams
When the inappropriate peeing starts - be it accidental, on themselves, on others; on you, on anyone really, without permission; for attention; etc.
Same thing for pooping
When talk of calling the cops is overheard
When you cannot locate a reliably sealed, unused, brand name, condom
When you don't recognize where you are
When you can't find the door
When you start hearing the word "bro" at an increased rate, in increasingly louder volumes
When you are for real considering needing an attorney
When the only people left are dudes you don't recognize
Any talk of human or animal sacrifice
In all seriousness, listen to your gut. If it says leave, leave.
#17
When you hear the second thing break. Usually something glass. Once is an accident, twice is people are getting to the clumsy falling down stage of drunk or stoned, the fights come next. Time to call an uber.
Image credits: wwaxwork
#18
When that one girl starts drunk-crying and making a scene for nothing
Edit: Since everyone is sharing stories; I used to work in hotels and we would often have parties at someone's house after shifts. There was one girl in particular who was sweet as pie and super shy when sober, but when drunk, she turned into an absolute mess. After she got drunk, started crying and then locked herself in the bathroom for multiple hours, **two parties in a row**, we stopped inviting her.
Image credits: DigOnMaNuss
#19
If there is a group of guys who goes to the party and did not greet anybody, where they just stand around looking, someone is about to be jumped or shot. Just leave.
Image credits: titandevekaj
#20
Cocktail parties: arrive on time or within 15 minutes and it’s over in two hours. Dinner parties: arrive on time and it’s over in 2-3 hours depending on how fast things go, how many courses, etc. Late night hangouts / nightcaps after an event: 1-2 hours max and definitely leave if the host appears tired or starts cleaning up.
All those rules go out the window when d***s are involved; refer to the other replies in those cases.
But more generally, once the first person leaves (if they aren’t obviously leaving early for an emergency or something), typically there’s a wave of people leaving, which is when it’s polite to leave. If you’re a close friend and the host asked you to stay a little longer, then roll up your sleeves and help clean up - and then leave when your part of the cleaning (drying dishes or moving chairs or whatever) is done.
And for the love of god, remember that someone lingering is either an idiot or a FWB who is waiting for you to GTFO. Don’t be the idiot, and don’t c**kblock the FWB relationship.
#21
Fights breaking out? Time to bounce asap.
Image credits: nordic_yankee
#22
At the first sign of hard d***s, guns or fighting, I'm out.
#23
A shady dude no one knows shows up and people sporadically disappear and come back after 20 mins or so - it’s time to leave unless you’re into hard d***s or really like to gamble.
S**t gets unpredictable really quick.
#24
I’m old so I’ve seen it all. This would apply to both types of parties.
If anyone is fall down/blackout drunk it’s time to leave even if it’s not you.
If anyone breaks out hard d***s, it’s time to leave.
If there are under age people drinking, it’s time to leave.
If people are being disrespectful to the property of the host, it’s time to leave.
If there are 30-year-olds hitting on 17 - year-olds, it’s time to leave.
If the host starts to clean up, it’s time to either start helping or leave.
In this applies to all parties, never show up empty-handed. And that means something for the host, not three beers that you plan on drinking yourself.
EDIT: Kind of getting some traction so I'll just add that getting in trouble is not the worst outcome here. Normalizing bad situations is the first step in being a part of them. No, you probably won't get arrested if someone does coke at a party you're at, but to a young person (because that's what we are talking about here) it not many reps of seeing this before it seems probably not that bad...
#25
Leave while you're still having fun.
#26
When the baby oil comes out lol.
#27
Some lady with a too-eager grin shows up with a Santa's bag full of Tupperware and an order form in triplicate.
#28
It's hard to explain but when the vibe changes and everybody just starts arguing. Obvious signs are groups of people huddled together talking amongst themselves and glaring at someone else/another group, people furiously messaging on their phones, that one person who always tries to make peace moving back and forth between two groups. Drama is coming and while it may be interesting to watch, if there's any chance you'll get pulled into it GTFO.
Image credits: Hippy_Lynne
#29
Went to college in a town that was mostly safe, but every once in a while there was a shooting at a party. My rule of thumb is if it’s midnight and people are still coming in, you should go, it’s going to get a little too crazy or out of control.
#30
You hear someone yell out: “Yo! I got something for you!”
Edit: It’s never a present lmao.
#31
Your instinct is screaming . Trust your gut.
#32
Not really a party but when you’re drinking with coworkers or people you don’t know as well- I have a friend that has a two drink rule. Leave once you or everyone has had two drinks. Long enough, not too long, and you won’t be around when people get sloppy.
#33
A subtle but telling sign to leave a party is when you start feeling like you’re just waiting for something interesting to happen. If you catch yourself glancing at the clock or scrolling through your phone more than engaging with others, it might be time to make your exit. Also, if the music shifts to something you can’t vibe with anymore or if you notice the host seems overwhelmed and distracted, it’s a good cue that the energy is winding down. Trust your gut—if it feels like the fun has peaked, it’s probably time to go!
#34
When the hosts have stopped drinking they are ready for you to leave.
#35
Car keys in the fruitbowl.
#36
If people are getting angry. Never good to be around drunk people that are angry.
#37
Nothing great ever happens after 2am.
#38
My dad used to say "I'm going to bed so all of you can go home." That would be a definite sign.
#39
You have to keep sober / aware enough to notice when the vibes change. This is true of many other social events as well.
There is almost ALWAYS a warning. Raised voices in one corner of the room, people standing in groups uncomfortably close to each other and gesturing wildly — there’s a tension that sweeps through the room before things kick off and if you’re on the ball, you can leave before it all goes to s**t.
Obviously this isn’t going to help against some lunatic who randomly pulls out a firearm and starts shooting up a place, but it works extremely well at predicting fights between groups and individuals. And you have every reason to gtfo before things kick off, because while random shooters are pretty rare, the chances of gunfire or weapons getting involved SKYROCKETS once a brawl breaks out.
#40
If you are the youngest one there by several years you might have a bad time.
Image credits: Portlander
#41
When a white dude gets out an acoustic guitar.
Image credits: MarmaladeMe53
#42
If s**t starts getting weird, my bestie and I have a code word we use that means GTFO, like NOW. That code? 2319.
#43
Love that there are two answers for two kinds of parties.
Answer A: when the host starts tidying up the punch cups or yawning it's time to grab a broom or go.
Answer B: when you /suspect/ there might be meth or guns just go. If you hear sirens, you waited tooooo long.
#44
If your friend or anyone is passed out drunk, put them on their side next to a wall or something that won’t let them fall back on their back.
If they throw up while laying on their back they can choke and die, if they’re on their side they just get a lil messy.
Edit: I’m high asf and forgot exactly what the post was asking lol. But I’m keeping this here because it’s important information regardless.
#45
When the hard d***s are just out on the tables that's a good sign.
#46
If the vibe shifts to more quiet or personal conversations, it might be a good time to make your exit!
#47
When that one guy who got drunk first and had to be airlifted into a bed to come to his senses at the beginning of the party gets up and is ready for round two. Time to go, you do not want to see the round two.
#48
Anyone starts crying or locking themselves in the bathroom. Let’s go.
Cops turn up? Shut yo fckn mouth.
Anyone waving around what party favours they’ve got? This one depends. If you’re with only your homies eh, but if you’re with *anyone* you don’t know, bigger get together/ party etc, gtfo.
Gap it if you see that one dude seething in the corner staring at another guy.
Stay lucid enough to still be aware of your surroundings and wtf other people are doing.
#49
I am gone as soon as I see anyone who appears to be under 21. Not only because I don't want to be involved with giving alcohol to minors, but also because I'm at an age in which there is nothing that I have in common with a 20 or under year old.
Image credits: Former-Pumpkin
#50
If the vibe shifts in a way that isn’t distinctly positive when someone arrives.
If you’re over the age of 23 and the party started at or before 10 PM, you should leave 15-30 minutes before whatever closing time is at bars in your area, even if the party is in a private residence and could go on indefinitely (in most American cities this will usually be either 2 or 4 AM but it varies). You also should do this if you are under 23, because closing time is around when people naturally start getting weird, and bars in the area closing risks new arrivals who are very drunk and on a different vibe than the established party goers. The vast majority of drunken brawls I’ve seen happened right around “closing time,” maybe ranging from 10 minutes before to 30 minutes after. Even discounting dangerous situations, there’s always some ungodly personal drama that isn’t even interesting. But if you’re over 23 you also need to leave because you’re going be so so tired if you stay out all night. This does not apply at any age if the party starts after 10 or if your local closing time is midnight.
Image credits: TerribleAttitude
#51
If the atmosphere feels like it is changing or charged, leave. If you are in a place where a stampede can happen, know how to move with the crowd. .
#52
People are nervous, or acting out of character.
#53
When everyone just starts bad mouthing eachother & no one is actually socializing lol. like what’s the point?
#54
If Diddy shows up.
#55
Surprise dongs. I’m all for agreed upon nudity, but nothing unsolicited.
