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Gabija Palšytė

54 Things Women Do To Feel Safer While Living Alone

Reddit Chicago Uber Luxury

Living alone is a luxury so many people dream about. You get to decorate exactly how you want, enjoy your own peace and quiet, and never worry about loud or messy roommates. And if you feel like being the messy one for once? No one’s there to judge. It’s hard not to love that kind of freedom.

At the same time, having the place to yourself can come with a few worries, too. When you’re the only one at home, the world can feel a bit more unpredictable, and that can be unsettling. That’s why women on Reddit shared their smartest precautions and practical tips for feeling more protected when you’re on your own. Scroll down to read their advice.

#1

Get out and about as much as you can. Even alone I feel less lonely walking around and going places.

#2

I recommend trying to go out to 1-2 events by yourself a week within the hobbies you like. It’s helped my social life tremendously because eventually you start to make friends with people. Whether it’s free jazz at the MCA, free house music at a street fest, a bike ride with a local group, anything your heart desires, there’s probably something you can do to participate in it!

#3

Not really woman-specific advice but leave a copy of your keys with a friend. You can get a copy made of the fobs at a hardware store (tho it’s expensive af.) Leave your apartment at least once a day, even if it’s just for a little errand like getting your coffee, mani/pedi, or just puttering around. My sister and I both live alone in different parts of the country and we call it taking “enrichment walks” and text each other pics of things we find interesting. We also do a lot of coordinating watching movies/TV and chatting over text.

Be prepared for a lot of inconvenience in acquiring or assembling furniture if you need to, I usually just hire someone (and then hire a second someone to fix it if necessary 🙃).

Here’s what I wish I’d known: You need to commit to making friends and being involved in Chicago. Join stuff, attend stuff, volunteer, etc. You can’t just be The Remote Friend in your old life. Really though, living alone rocks and is highly addictive because you get to do absolutely everything your own way, it’s just the loneliness of being distant from friends and family is the mind-killer.

And yes, you deserve to get excited! Chicago is my favorite city in the world, I hope you will be very happy here. Welcome ❤️.

#4

Try to avoid living in a basement, garden or first floor apartment, I feel like you have a better chance of not having your apartment broken into if you live on the second floor or higher. Other than that, just be vigilant and use common sense. Chicago really isn't as dangerous as it's made out to be.

#5

I genuinely think I do not need them but I have door security bars (those poles you put under your doorknob) for peace of mind. I like them also when I know a maintenance person might be coming and I have an irrational fear of them coming in while I’m in the shower or asleep. Be aware of your surroundings, I know the neighbors in my building and the closest large intersections and cross streets. I love living alone.

#6

I live alone but it's in a small studio apartment in a secured building. Even though the building is secured, I lock my front door no matter how long I'm gone for. That means taking out the trash, going down the hall to pick up my laundry, etc. Door is always locked.

Something I also do that I noticed my guy friends don't do is I check the peephole before opening the door at all times.

#7

I've lived alone in two places now in Chicago. My advice, if you can, find a building that is on a slightly busy street. Even if it's a "busy" side street off a main busier area. Just a place where there are people out on the sidewalk frequently. This way it's less likely that someone can force their way in behind you conspicuously. This was a concern for me when I was being stalked by my ex. Having lived on a more interior neighborhood street has made me feel more exposed in the past.

Also, try to not live on the first floor of yours in a buzzer building. I was on the first floor and the first door you'd see in a six flat. People above me would buzz seemingly anyone in and sometimes people would be knocking at my door at all hours. The chain I had on that door was nice for that reason. I have a call box on my medium size apartment building now which I appreciate.

#8

Only safety thing I’ll suggest is not tell random guys you meet (whether it be at a bar, at a concert, or on a first date off a dating app) your cross street or worse your address. Just tell them your neighborhood. You never know who’s going to be “that guy” that lingers around your area.

#9

Lots of good tips here! One that I learned recently is to use a false name or initials for deliveries like postmates, instacart, etc. Or leave your apartment number off of the delivery address if there’s a common area that you can pick up the delivery from after it’s been dropped off. Also heard that if an Uber driver asks if you live in the area, just lie and say you’re visiting a friend/family or get dropped off a door or two down from your actual building.

#10

Remember wolves can dress in sheep's clothing. Don't be too open.

#11

If you are worried about safety in your place, buy an old golf club and practice your swing.

Your favorite scent in the whole world should be in your place very subtly. Make satchels for your front closet so you smell it walking in the door.

Get a nightlight for the bathroom.

Get one extra-extra nice pillow just for you.

Get a nice bedspread that is beautiful to you and makes your bed easy to make.

Turn the radio on when you are cleaning and working. Turn it loud when you hate what you are doing.

Make sure you can dim your lights or have a candlelight type lighting.

If the street noise is loud, then run a nice fan at night.

If you hear music from your building that you are enjoying, find out where it's coming from!

If you have to make a choice, pick the one you are delightfully curious about.

#12

Don’t have a set routine because you never know who’s watching you.

#13

Friend of mine has a giant dog (100lb+ pyrenees). he's the most gentle thing, but when he barks, it scares the poo out of people lol.

she has no problem walking out and about at odd hours of the night as long as the dog is with her.

#14

Most important thing, I've lived alone since I was 17 and am now 44, is your windows. Have net curtains up so people can't see in during the day and have curtains or blinds drawn at night.

I've listened to a lot of interrogations and true crime documentaries and it's always about what they can see when you don't know they are watching. Don't let them see in.

Living alone is the best. I love it so much. Don't be held back from it, just be smart. I also walk my dog a different times and don't stick to a strict routine. I also change where we walk.

#15

Door Jammers for extra precaution at night, or in case of creepy landlords/maintenance men.

#16

Never rent or buy a ground level apt or condo.

#17

I’m just the person to answer this! Born and raised here. I’m a single woman with no kids so keep this in mind as I’m explaining living alone from that perspective. I would aim for your rent being no less than $1200-$1500 in today’s market even if it’s a studio. This will reflect the area. You don’t want to live somewhere where you’re scared to walk the neighborhood (I’ve experienced this for the sake of saving on rent and it wasn’t worth it). Besides rent, your other bills are what you make it. I also went without a car for years, which is definitely do-able in Chicago especially if you’re close to downtown. Don’t offer the fact that you live alone to people because they will always find an excuse to TRY to come over unannounced. Only tell people you’re comfortable with telling. The less the better. For loneliness I have a cat lol but when I don’t want to be a homebody I go out to different events, get togethers etc. I’m at Target is definitely one of my guilty pleasures. Don’t be afraid to check out things on your own. You may discover new interests, hobbies or cool people. As a lady currently living alone I wish you best darling. Just by saying you’re EXCITED you are ready. I was so afraid I couldn’t sleep my first night alone years ago but I warmed up to it and wouldn’t have it any other way. At least for my lifestyle now. Good luck.

#18

For me, I bought a self-install ring alarm system and have it setup for all doors and motion sensors on the back stairs, main floor, etc. Its super easy to do. Its app based and the sensors are wireless and just stick on with double-sided foam take they come with. You can screw them into wood if you like but you don't have to. Every couple years you'll have to change the battery on them.

A ring doorbell so I can see who is ringing. I have motion sensor lights outside so anyone coming in the backyard or front gets lit up. All gates are locked at all times.

Pepper spray that's easy to find on each floor, sleeping area, etc. Pepper spray in my purse or on my keychain.

Smoke and CO sensors in every bedroom and common space. I just buy the combo smoke/CO detector and mount it on the ceiling.

I got to know some of my neighbors. This is harder than it sounds because a lot of people aren't really out and about and a lot of city areas aren't very communal or neighborly.

Make sure I have comfy shoes to walk in because I take public trans a lot.

Master my RBF and headphones look to be left alone.

I make sure I tell someone in my life where I'm going in case something happens.

Hope that helps!

#19

I had a really bad cab experience here before moving here, so when I did live alone, I always let a friend know when I was in a cab or Uber by sending a pic of the cab # or the Uber driver info via screenshot. It was probably overkill, but I found it was good for me and gave me a safer feeling.

#20

I’ve lived alone for 25 years in Chicago. I would recommend living in a building with a 24 hour doorman if possible. I like having the extra level of security.

#21

If you have a sliding glass door, get a dowel to put in the track. If your windows open make sure to lock them when you leave. Take a self defense class. Ring or Blink doorbell and maybe cameras. Libraries are more than books. Park district has lots of affordable classes too. There are so many free things to do here. Get outside!

#22

Make your apartment into your oasis.

There's always free things to do in Chicago, especially in the summer. Get out and walk around!

You do not have to be polite to men on the street who try to stop and talk to you. It took me until I was 17 to learn this, and now I am way more insistent that they don't stop me, and we don't need to talk.

Go for a walk on your neighborhoods garbage day, that's when I find all my best second-hand finds. I once found a velvet chesterfield couch...just on the side of the road. It had two broken feet. I just replaced them and now it's my favorite piece.

#23

I’ve been living on my own for about two months in the city. If you can find a building that is locked front and back, basically only the people that live there can access inside of the building, that’s made me feel so safe. My front and back door both have dead bolt locks so that helps too. Also I second getting out - go for walks, volunteer, or join an activity.

#24

Figure out what you like to do and make an effort to actually do it so that you can meet like-minded people.

#25

Know your neighbors and make sure they know you!

#26

Take advantage of things like having a loud af vibrator and walking around naked (with the blinds closed, of course). Just remember to put the dildos away when not in use. The day you think "eh I'll put it away later" is the day you have unexpected company and it's there, in plain sight, winking at them.

#27

I always felt the safest in buildings with a doorman, if you can swing it. Otherwise just be alert! I noticed a guy following me and my friends after a concert - we were able to talk to the worker directing traffic at a brightly lit intersection until the creep gave up and took off.

#28

I lived alone in the city for over 10 years and it was the BEST time of my life. Do you. Work out at home. Do arts and crafts. Decorate how you wish. Host dinner parties. Host girls nights. Game nights. Cook and cook for yourself. Learn to be comfortable on your own, in silence. Sleep in. Enjoy the silences. Enjoy you. Go out when you need connection or invite those closest to you into your beautiful nest. Kick them out when you want too!

#29

Welcome to Chicago! I’ve lived alone most of the 24 years I’ve lived here, and it can be great—the freedom is fantastic!

Get to know your neighbors. I live in a pretty close-knit neighborhood, and it definitely helps you feel safe (and obviously more connected) when you’re part a group of people who watch out for each other.

Don’t mess around with your phone while you’re walking (especially while crossing the street or at night) or on the El platform.

If you love dogs and have the time and finances for it, get a dog! Even the little ones will make you feel safer—they’re great burglar alarms.

#30

Do not wear headphones when you are out in public. Never.

#31

Find a call activity or hobby that makes it easy to meet people - Chicago has tons of things designed to show up alone like girls who walk, Trivias, run clubs, performance classes… it also helps with a routine

Safety wise - I use door jam! Pushes up against the door handle so if someone even had a key they couldn’t come in.

#32

In general, I don't use the CTA after sunset. Walking around the neighborhood. It helps me to get a sense whether I feel comfortable being there. Sometimes, the apartment is great, but not the location.

Highly recommend checking out Wicker Park, West Loop, Logan Square, and Andersonville. I just pick a day and go exploring these areas. I had fun walking around and just looking at houses in Wicker Park. If you are into thrifting, Bucktown/Wicker Park and Andersonville have lots of vintage/second hand stores. Personally, I find it's so fun to spend hours digging stuffs. Also bookstores/ coffee hoping - tons along the N Milwaukee Ave.

Hope this helps.

#33

I liked to put a small stack of items that would fall and make a noise but any areas vulnerable for break in. :-).

#34

If you have the funds for it, I recommend adopting a dog. My pup has helped me fight off loneliness and she forces me to get out and walk around multiple times a day. I have befriended so many neighbors as a result that have also been able to help me in emergencies (like the time my car was broken into).

if you don’t have the funds for it, I recommend fostering a dog. same benefits as adoption but you aren’t financially responsible for them (unless you foster-fail and adopt lol).

#35

Make sure your landlord puts only your last name, or first-name-initial and last name on the mailbox/doorbell.

Get used to and enjoy some solitude. I've lived alone for decades, and I love having "me time" to read a book, play music, fiddle with some houseplants. Make the space yours!

#36

Ask a male friend or family member to leave some old shoes in your apartment by the door so that when maintenance/etc comes by they dont think youre living alone, just that the "man of the house" is out with his nice shoes but will be back later. (99% of them wont notice or care but just in case you get the 1 creepy one.).

#37

* Bells on the door knob. A door jammer if you're on the bottom floor. Dowels in any windows/sliding doors.
* Checking door and windows before bed every night
* Having tracking on for a family member or friend. In general, someone I kept in contact with regularly.
* I invested in a nice speaker because I like to play things as I cook/do chores. Having earphones in all the time sometimes freaked me out at night.
* Being aware of who can see you coming in and out. I used to live near a park and there would be the same people out at the same times of day. Don't think it was anything nefarious, but I tried to be aware of always approaching my apt from the same direction.
* I lived by myself after moving so would meet people around casually and it would come up sometimes. If they asked where I lived (even like a general city), I was very very vague, or straight up lied.
* Knowing your neighbors. I tried not to be too open that I lived alone. But saying hi and being friendly goes a long way for them looking out for you.
* Things I consider when apartment shopping:
* A good vibe from the neighborhood
* A building door that you need a key to
* How the parking spaces are numbered. I've lived places where each space corresponds to the apartment unit # and very visible from the street.

#38

I used to be really afraid to live on my own, but that changed with me ex. He trained me in a lot of home/personal defense techniques (he was ex-military and an intelligence contractor). Some of the stuff he taught me:

1. Never be predictable, arrive home at different times, use different doors (if possible), etc. Being unpredictable makes it hard for bad guys to plan.
2. Carry a gun or a knife and train with it. He dragged me out to the range at least twice a month. At first I hated it and was really scared, but you really do gain confidence, especially shooting with guys like him. They're very, very good at what they do and they had me drawing and shooting better than a lot of the local cops within a month.
3. Enroll in martial arts. Not some hokey self-defense class, but a real martial art, preferably at an MMA gym and participate in contact sparring. Also, ask to spar with the guys! If someone attacks you, it's probably going to be a guy, so get used to what it's like to fight someone bigger and stronger. My ex suggested Brazilian Ju-Jitsu and I really enjoyed that. Also a good way to make more friends!
4. Lock all the doors and windows at night and make sure you check, also before you leave the house.
5. One trick my ex taught me was to leave a small piece of paper in the door. If it's on the floor when you get home, you know someone else has been in your apartment. Don't go in, get somewhere public and safe and call the police.
6. Get a camera for the doors. These can be pretty cheap and can be monitored from your phone. ALWAYS check the camera before opening the door.
7. NEVER open the door to someone you don't know. I don't care if they say they have a sick baby. Don't open the door. Those ploys are often used by robbers to gain access to your home.
8. Make sure people know where you are, what you're doing and when to call the police or check on you if they haven't heard!

Ultimately, since I broke up with my ex, I've really enjoyed having my own space and time. Don't let fear make you deal with roommates!

#39

I lived alone in NYC, everyone gave good recommendations but one of the things that helped me feel safe is that I got to know my neighbors. Of course use your best judgment, but having a small close community can be a life saver.

#40

Dowel rod in the track of a window, way stronger than a lock. I also recommend self defense classes, or some kind of martial arts. I took a kickboxing class that doubled in some jiu jitsu, and I feel way more confident whenever I'm by myself. I like looking at burly guys and knowing I could take 'em.

#41

I lock my storm doors, then deadbolt the inner doors and keep all the windows locked. My pets (cat and dog) are a great alarm system; they let me know whenever someone even comes close to the house. They're also wonderful for companionship.

#42

Two pitbulls and my phone is always under my pillow.

And I feel that this is important to say. I am a huge fan of true crime, but you should try to remember that the heyday of home invasions was the 70s and 80s. With societal development and an increase in home security and cellphones, home invasion is very rare. Not to say it doesn't happen, but I try to remember that it's VERY unlikely.

All that said, don't leave your windows open/unlocked.

#43

I got an alarm system- simplisafe and use a door wedge thing.

#44

I don’t technically live alone anymore but am home alone more often than not. I have a few rules that verge on paranoia, but they make me feel a little safer.

If possible, try to avoid going into or out of your house while there are other people around. One of my apartments was right on the stairwell and I wouldn’t open the door if I heard people coming.

Be aware of your surroundings. Working from home has turned me into the unofficial neighborhood watch because I notice new cars or new people walking dogs. Someone who doesn’t belong would stand out right away.

As others have said, a dog is wonderful if you have a lifestyle that allows for it.

This is another weird one, but learn the noises that your house makes. Doors and windows opening, loud appliances, creaky floors - my house makes a lot of noises but I can tell exactly what’s happening or hear if something doesn’t sound normal.

#45

I didn't get a dog specifically to feel safe. I got one because I wanted a companion, but goodness did it help. I rescued a very sweet bully who wouldn't even hurt a fly, but giant, grown men would catch sight of all 45lbs of her and cross the street to avoid us.

#46

Aside from the really good tips everyone else has, I know someone who has an old pair of men’s work boots from the thrift store by their front door. Looks less like she lives alone.

#47

I love living alone! Don't let living alone keep you from going out and doing things. Explore new places. I try to go to a restaurant or bar at least once a week on my own. Be aware of your surroundings, especially at night. I have these cheekbone "headphones" (called aftershokz) that i wear when I'm walking so i can still hear my surroundings. Use a man's name for food delivery. If you don't live in a big apartment condo complex, use the neighbors address on your Uber. Make sure no one is following you in through the main door of your apartment.

#48

Going solo may feel intimidating at first but just go anyway. After awhile you DO meet people, some become friends.

#49

Know when its more prudent to doordash or walk for something as opposed to leaving and losing ur parking spot (if u have a car).

#50

Honestly, go adopt a cat! :).

#51

Personally, living alone I much preferred living in a building that had either a front desk person or a doorman. I also lived in Logan Square alone for a while and while I never felt unsafe, once I moved somewhere with a front desk person as security it was just nice knowing that there was somebody who would notice if I didn’t come home or hadn’t surfaced in a few days.

#52

Get out, have a garden or some flowers to tend to outside. A Glock or two handy, exterior cameras, motion lights, night lights. Don't live in fear what will be will be.

#53

Don't live alone but did live with some guys that weren't the best, and a few things I did to feel safer within the home and situation included:

- bedroom door lock. It's an additional security that let me sleep soundly without worrying about someone just walking into my room.

- I had taken self defense courses/programs in the past to help me feel safer regardless of the area I'm in. It also helped me build some confidence in general to be honest.

- I keep an easily accessible "weapon" of sort in my room near my bed just in case I hear movement that is in the house that is outside the usual noise/movement from my pets or fellow roommates at the time.

- I had code words for friends and family members that mean I need help without outwardly saying I need help. An auto sent message that I programmed into my phone and figured out with friends and family how to respond.

- I had apps that tracked my location and would send notices to certain people if I didn't touch base or turn it off. So certain nights at my old place where the roommate situation sketched me out I would turn the app on for my own safety and wellbeing.

- if I wasn't going to be home or no one else was home, I would close up and lock my windows just to avoid someone breaking in via an open window.

- The door stays locked at all times.

#54

Im still a renter so I choose my apartments carefully!
Never first floor or easily accessible units. Usually prefer apartments that you have to enter a main lobby by being buzzed in and then have to take an elevator to the floor (as opposed to walk ups where it's stairs right to your front door). I also like to have a deadbolt on the door.

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