A canon event is a transformative moment that redefines you as a person. It can range from heartbreak to triumph—the loss of a loved one, a promise to get sober, or landing a dream job. Reddit user MisterBigDude asked the platform to share what divided their lives into a clear "before" and "after."
The answers painted a vivid spectrum of human experience, showing that we're both similar and different, each on our own path. We never truly know what lies ahead and must keep learning and striving. It sounds banal, but what is there to guide us through the ups and downs if not perseverance?
#1
Death of my 8.5 month pregnant wife and unborn child just two months ago. We were inseparable from when she was 18 until she passed at 33. Life changed a full 180 degrees.
Edit: Wow. The support on the internet can be beautiful sometimes. Thank you all so much ❤️❤️ To answer a few of the questions, we did two rounds of IVF, and it took three years for it to finally be “successful.” Her pregnancy was extremely rough, as there was rarely a day where she wasn’t sick but we were both so excited since we knew it would be worth it. Fast forward to October 2024, she is having bad stomach pains so we went to the ER. Almost immediately, they told us the three words that will haunt me forever - “There’s no heartbeat.” Tragically, this was the last thing my wife heard before she had to be intubated. And so, the nightmare began. She fought for 5 days, with family by her side. She ultimately passed from Sepsis, pancreatitis, leg infections, and finally full organ failure. She was an organ donor, but nothing could be saved.
Her funeral was beautiful, but it was obviously a near impossible day. The community all came together and supported me more than I could have imagined, and I’ll forever be grateful for that.
If you take anything from my story, please just pamper your wives, and hold your little ones extra tight.
Thank you all again, truly.
Image credits: Fire_Ballzier
#2
The unfortunate ending to our first pregnancy a few years into marriage, around 5 months, after we’d excitedly announced it to everyone, we learned fetus was dead and breaking apart inside me, but there was no amniotic fluid and it wasn’t coming out on its own.
It seemed like no choice at all, to live or die, but that choice to live made me the enemy of 1/3 of my country who passionately votes to k**l me and any woman in that situation.
And now women are dying because of the way they vote, women who are in the same situation that I was, and they could not be more delighted, it’s exactly what they always wanted, and it’s hard to live knowing that.
When I tell my story, “conservatives” (the right wing in my country,) call me a baby-k**ler, they have for over a decade now, they don’t draw any distinction and can’t tell the difference. They are mad that I didn’t die, they didn’t change the law fast enough to k**l me.
I view all of them so differently now, 1/3 of the population can’t be trusted, they are bloodthirsty monsters, they don’t care how many of us die, they will never change how they vote.
#3
Sobriety at age thirty-two. I turn seventy-two in two months.
Image credits: Klutzy-Ad-6705
#4
Having a traumatic brain injury (TBI). One moment I was me, then suddenly, was robbed of my own soul. Ruined my hopes, dreams, and motivation at age 26 in a mountain biking accident. 43, alone, and miserable now. Wear your helmets, though, folks. I'd be a complete vegetable had I not.
Image credits: foxtrotrva
#5
Living what I thought was a great existence. Happily settled, steady jobs, good friends. Savings. Decent cars. Wonderful son, and another on the way. A week away from getting married. All the families are happy.
Found out my partner had been cheating on me for years with multiple women (his job as a police officer allowed ample opportunity for f*****g badge bangers and for believable overtime).
Single mum life. Moved over 1000km away to go back to my parents. Living on welfare. No savings. A car issue/pet issue/health issue away from total disaster. No sleep. Not many friends. No job. Raised the newborn on my own.
Scary how life can totally upend in a morning.
Image credits: towers_of_ilium
#6
The unexpected death of my daughter-in-law in January. She was just 40 years old. I had gone to bed sick that night and had turned off my ringer and alerts, so I missed the call from my son at the hospital. He had to walk home in the dark alone after she died in front of him. I'll never forgive myself for not being there for him or for her when she was in the hospital.
Image credits: SylVegas
#7
9/11/01. I was supposed to have been in the North Tower that morning. My 17 colleagues all died. Biz mtg was cancelled the night before, inexplicably.... .
Image credits: ColoradoCoffee101
#8
I have two events really, but I’ll just mention the big one.
In junior year of college, when I was 20/21, I developed very unusual symptoms of insomnia, intense muscle soreness, slow movement, and a shaking right hand. After months of seeing different specialists, testing different medications to see if they helped, and finally a lumbar puncture, I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease.
This fundamentally changed my life moving forward. I finished college and went to grad school immediately afterwards, but the fallout of the emotions and intense feelings of isolation caused me to leave. I later worked as a research tech for 4 years, and finished my PhD last year after 5.5 years of doing grad school again. I achieved that goal.
It’s been almost 13 years now, and I can’t say that any day since I started showing symptoms has been a “good” one compared to before. I have to deliberately move my feet and hands so as to not drag them, trip, or drop or spill something. I’ve gotten very good at it, but it’s exhausting. Everything is day-to-day. It’s also psychologically isolating, since almost nobody can truly understand or relate, while it’s also ended relationships when I told them about it.
But I try to keep positive, and look forward to something better coming in life.
Image credits: Immune_Enthusiast_91
#9
Before bariatric surgery i was almost 400lbs and in constant pain from my spinal arthritis. Couldn't walk more than a few feet before I started hurting. After bariatric surgery (and some physical therapy) im now 170ish and im still in constant pain from my spinal arthritis but its significantly less than before and takes a lot longer to build up to intolerable levels. I have a full time job again and i go hiking now.
Image credits: li-ll-l_
#10
Life turned upside down 5 years ago. Sudden health challenge almost took my life, had me in ICU for 3 weeks, in hospital for 2 months, and out of work for almost a year. 6 weeks after returning to work, covid hit, my family was among the first to have it in my area. Luckily came through OK, but wife had it pretty bad. As life was returning to normal a year later, my kids’ high school was the site of a mass shooting - 4 of their friends k**led that day.
I often question if my near death experience 5 years ago really resulted in my death, and I’m living in some alternate reality.
Life is precious - live each day you have to the fullest.
Image credits: Imaginary_Mark_7491
#11
We'll have to see, but it might well be this semester's papers turned in by students. I teach writing at the university level, and the papers were SO awful and so many students SO apathetic that I just can't even imagine doing this job anymore.
I can point to one single paper that broke me.
I actually had a real breakdown and spent last week in a crisis stabilization unit. It is TERRIFYING to watch education ebb like this, and to see students not participating in their own lives. I do not expect people to love writing, but at least be *present* in your own head! The entire system is dumbing down, which means that the American people are dumbing down too.
#12
Getting treatment for my ADHD. My life took a whole 180 after getting on Adderall. Went from dead end job to being successful.
Image credits: musclesbear
#13
My cancer diagnosis.
Image credits: Platinumfish53
#14
Lots of them but covid is the biggest. Before covid, my commute to work was over an hour. Now i work from home.
Image credits: Drink15
#15
My parents are wealthy boomers.
I had just had my first son, was working long hours at a car dealership and my wife was working as well. My parents never gave me anything. We had incurred some credit card debt, about 3k that was destroying me, I hated owing money. I asked my dad for some help (drop in the well for them) and he coldly said “no” and basically said figure it out. Over a couple years the debt increased because we were trying to survive.
I took a job across the country, pulled my family out of everything and we are thriving. All without their help.
They always quip that they never get to see their grand kids, well, sorry about it.
#16
Getting hit by a car.
Woke up in the hospital a month later with casts on my legs, many fractures, and a damaged brain. Spent most of a year in a brain injury rehab hospital, fortunately recovered well, and returned to my life.
Though it was a bit different.
That was almost 18 years ago. So far, so good.
Image credits: thikskuld
#17
My son developing a terminal disease that we had no idea about.
He just turned 3, but the last year and a half has been a ride we never knew we would be on. Up until almost 2, he developed normally and was just the happiest little boy. In early 2021, he was diagnosed with a rare terminal genetic disease called Krabbe Disease after losing all of his abilities like walking, crawling, and even sitting up on his own in a matter of weeks out of nowhere. We ended up at the children's hospital of Pittsburgh to try to get him a stem cell transplant to prolong his life. They told us that without it, he would pass away by the end of the year, but if he got it, he may never be able to move or possibly even breathe on his own. That was the most stressful 24 hours of my life. He has gotten the transplant, can still somewhat move his arms and legs, and has the greatest smile you'll ever see, and he knows he is loved so much. We tried to get him in a gene therapy clinical trial, but he had an antibody that excluded him. Now, we are just hoping for a miracle to happen.
He has a page called Prayers for Arthur, hope for a cure that we use to spread awareness and celebrate his life ♥️.
Image credits: Vetchemh2
#18
My best friend taking their life.
We were both 17 when he decided that he had enough of life. I spoke to him the day prior while my family and I were on a road trip to see him and other family. He came from the foster care system, and knew that when he turned 18 the next month, he would be homeless. What he didn't know, and something that still haunts me, was part of the reason we we're coming to visit was because my parents wanted to adopt him... I didn't tell him on that phone call, because I wanted to surprise him.
He took his life the next day, early in the morning. We arrived at 11:43am.. we saw the police and mortician at his foster moms home. She told us what happened. They didn't let me see him.
That was 14 years ago. I still wonder if things would've been different, if I would've just told him that we wanted him to be part of our family.
Ever since then, while I have many friends, I have never had a best friend again.
That was the day that I lost my rose colored glasses.
Image credits: SatTechEco
#19
Senior year of high school.
Nobody cares about what happened to me, but I will be brief and say it dramatically scarred me. I have not been the same man since, I have not forgiven the perpetrators, and I will definitely say that it is the “before” and “after” Time of my life, between being happy and be miserable.
Image credits: topman20000
#20
The Navy. I was 19 and a dumb when I joined. I was 40 and a different kind of dumb when I left.
Image credits: SatiricLoki
#21
Starting at a alternative high school a month into my freshman year. It was a therapy intensive school and I’m telling you I’d be in JAIL if I hadn’t gone there. They saved my life.
#22
I used to think it was the death of my father when I was 11, but now it’s the death of my brother when I was 36.
Losing a sibling is surreal because you realize that they are like an external hard drive of your childhood. They were the only one that would have remembered this or that, or could correct the story, or topped it with something even crazier that you both shared. Losing them is like a compartmentalized, instant onset Alzheimer’s where some of your most cherished memories get wiped from the earth, never to return.
If your collected memories are all that you truly are, then I simply cannot claim to be the same person after his death.
Image credits: poontong
#23
Death of my dog.
#24
My second marriage. It was like I had been sleepwalking for 50 years until I met my wife. I can't imagine life without her.
Edit: I'd like to thank everyone for your comments. I showed them to my wife, and she was very moved. She said that I am the most precious thing she has in her life, and now I'm crying. ❤️.
Image credits: OptimuspastmyPrime
#25
When my life completely imploded and in the span of 3 months I went from married with a cool job to separated, jobless, homeless, with skin cancer. Everything changed and I’m NOT that guy I was before that time.
Image credits: LMP0623
#26
Carjacked at gunpoint - within six months I left my dead end job and got out of a loveless marriage. Life's too short.
Image credits: maestrodks1
#27
Our daughter died, which brought about the death of my husband. I sold our house and moved back to my home city. It's hard being a widow, but I have her Chiweenie, who's the biggest lovebug ever.
#28
An autoimmune disease. An incurable debilitating disease. I was 32.
Image credits: blackdogreddog
#29
Breakdown caused by OCD in 2021 that left me actively planning my end. Almost went through with it but my parents surprised me with a puppy, and that puppy saved my life. In a much better, stable place now with that puppy still by my side, but I’ll never be the same ever again. No one really tells you that - that you might survive the attempt (or near attempt) but something in you ***still*** dies, and that part of you is just carried with you for the rest of your time, like a scar on your heart (or brain, whatever).
#30
Having kids. It's such a change from being a 20 something to be responsible for someone else that is so helpless.
Image credits: tac0bill
#31
When I lost my partner. It completely changed my perspective on time, relationships, and appreciating moments while I have them. It left a permanent mark on how I approach life.
Image credits: nivavojic7966
#32
My husband’s murder. I went from being a career driven mother of 3 with a (mostly) stay at home husband to single mother of 3 taking care of….everything. Lots of things changed in my life, some obvious some not. I’m a completely different person living a completely different life now.
#33
The death of my infant son. The way my heart shattered and the way my whole being was traumatized by losing him so suddenly and unexpectedly is the most distinct before and after feeling. I feel like I can see the change in me from photos from just right before he passed where everything in me was happy and calm and there was that sparkle in my eyes of pure happiness with my kids. Then after, you can just see sadness, even years later when I’m happy and smiling, you still see the pain and sadness that lingers over and misses my boy everyday.
But the way I was changed by being his mama is a very distinct before and after, too. I just love and miss him so much.
#34
Admitting I'm an alcoholic.
Image credits: enphurgen
#35
Before: My bio parents died in a car accident when I was 13.
Middle: I landed with a Mormon foster family. That went about as well as you'd expect.
After: I escaped the Mormons at 19 and have thrived ever since.
Image credits: DarkField_SJ
#36
Trying to take my own life. I had a number of them in late teens to early twenties. One came close enough that I lost consciousness and went into respiratory arrest. Paramedics saved me.
After that, initially, I was angry and more lost than ever. Slowly I began to work on me. Left a poisonous relationship. Left collage which was a major source of stress/hurt and pursued a career that I was passionate about. Spent time fixing the things about me I found ugly or toxic and reworked my morals and ethics.
Slowly improved, and over many years I became someone I am now extremely proud of. Have a partner that I adore, a career I love, and an overall positive outlook on life and my future.
And it all stemmed from a point where I nearly lost everything. Sometimes your worst moments give you the most room to grow.
Side note, I’m a Paramedic now. Irony is fun.
Image credits: Terrami
#37
Coming out of the closet at 32.
Image credits: bookworm1421
#38
The Death of my middle son. Life has not been the same since.
#39
My father's relapse into chronic alcoholism when I was 8yo (9? the memories fade). Absolute living hell until he died when I was 14 tbh.
Image credits: LovelyBigBrownClock
#40
My drive down the west coast of Africa at 25. Changed everything forever.
#41
Death of my father.
Image credits: queuedUp
#42
Meeting the man of my dreams and it being reciprocated, the passion, intensity and heat between us, my body temperature went up around him we were magnets,
Blew up my life, and made me re-evaluate everything, we didn't make it but still glad I got to experience it.
#43
Death of my ex-wife. I had suspected she was running me down, and lying to our children about me. She took her own life in 2020…my son was 20 and my daughter was 14.
It’s completely changed my relationship with my kids, especially my daughter. I’ve heard countless times, “Dad I (we) had no idea.”.
#44
Covid. I was so blinded by the love I was in with my wife only to find out she faked covid to f**k my friend. May they both rot in hell.
#45
My heart attack.
#46
My sister's death.
#47
My best friend attempting to take their life. We were in college and we shared an apartment together, one day I come home from class and he's dead in his room. I had to deal with the police, paramedics, medical examiner, notify his family and our mutual friends, I had to move out of the apartment and clean out all of his stuff, find a new place to live, all of that fell on me. I had help of course, but that's a lot for a grieving 21 year old guy in school full time and working part time. That was the switch that flipped in my head to trigger the full blown alcoholism/addictive tendencies that were definitely there but hadn't reared their ugly head yet. Almost 15 years later and I'm still struggling with that particular demon.
#48
My wife and I suffered a miscarriage at 22 weeks. We birthed our deceased child and did the entire labor routine in the hospital. It was impossibly difficult with details I wouldn't wish anybody to ever experience. We gave our child the respect it deserved and asked the hospital to not tell us the sex.
Months later, our obgyn gave us the documentation regarding the tests performed on our child to allow us to understand the "why" behind the miscarriage. The first sentence read, "the deceased is unquestionably male".
It ruined me. I've always wanted a boy to share my life experiences with. I'm now a proud father of two girls but will always remember my dead son.
I'll never be the same and can't help but wonder, daily, what my life would've been like if I never knew.
Since then, I feel like everyone around me is birthing sons. I look at every ungrateful father with his son in public and think how envious I am.
I'm a proud father of two beautiful and smart girls, please don't get me wrong. I'm grateful and proud.
But I'll never forget my son.
#49
My mom dying.
