Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. Some of them are smaller and easier to move on from, while others force people into full guilt spirals, like this 43-year-old woman who recently slept with a guy thinking he was in his 20s. When she learned he was only 19, she felt so disgusted with herself that it made her sick. People tried making her feel better about it, but it didn’t work. So, she confessed about it online.
More info: Mumsnet
Some of our mistakes can push us into guilt spirals so deep that no one can help pull us out
A single 43-year-old mom one day went out with people from her fitness group and slept with a guy she thought was in his 20s
Image credits: Frostyliss
The morning after, she learned he was only 19, which made her feel so icky about herself that no one could have convinced her it wasn’t such a big deal
The OP is a 43-year-old single mom of two teenagers. Last year, she moved into a new place in a new village, which meant she had to find new social circles.
Finding new friends after moving is usually tricky due to the fact that in the new location, people can, in a way, be different than those a person is used to. It might be religious or cultural differences, different ways people spend their free time, or what kind of food they eat, to name a few. So, the lack of familiarity can make it harder to relate to people or find a new social circle.
The original poster made a real effort to not be lonely in her new village. She ended up joining a circuit training group, which became a vital part of her social life.
One weekend, the usual group and the new people that members brought with them went out. One group member, who is in his 20s, brought some friends that the author assumed to be around his age. The woman ended up flirting with one of these dudes.
There are various theories as to why women can be attracted to younger men. Here, some state that it’s because of their intimate compatibility, similar value systems, or subconsciously being attracted to a man who is more likely to be a better (due to a young age) reproductive partner.
Whether it’s morally good for women to like younger men is a debatable topic, which also kind of depends on each situation. Well, as long as the younger person isn’t a minor – if they are, it’s a crime, not a debate.
Well, the OP wasn’t crossing that line by flirting and later even sleeping with one of the younger men she met that night.
Granted, it was out of character for her – she hadn’t had a one-night stand since she was 20. Yet, at first, she didn’t view this as a mistake. Then, she learned something that changed her mind.
Turns out, this dude was not in his 20s, like she assumed. He was just 19 years old. When she heard it, her heart sank. Even though the difference between the age she assumed he was and his actual age wasn’t much older, it felt different.
This made her feel icky. She started spiraling and contacted the acquaintance who brought her fling to the night out. This guy tried calming her down, saying the situation wasn’t as bad as she made it out to be. After all, they all had fun, so where’s the harm?
Still, the woman couldn’t stop thinking about how badly she messed up. She thought that if the gender were reversed, everyone would be as grossed out as she was. In a way, she is correct – people tend to be more disgusted by older men dating younger women than when the situation is the other way around.
Speaking of what other people think, most of the Mumsnet users who reacted to this story thought the woman was overreacting to the whole thing. As someone pointed out, as long as it happened between two consenting adults, it’s not such a big deal, even if the age gap is kind of big. Plus, it’s likely going to be a one-time mistake; it’s not like she’s going to become someone who chases young men to use them.
Well, quite an adventure the OP had, isn’t it? Even if the end of it was marked by spiraling guilt, hopefully, the words from netizens at least partially calmed her down. After all, being in her 40s isn’t even that old, and she deserves to have fun, right?
When she posted about it online, online folks also were of the opinion that it wasn’t that bad, but it’s unclear whether she took their word
