As much as you try to avoid injury, there are times when pain just comes to you. Fate decides to play a cruel game at your expense, hurting you in ways you probably never imagined.
These people would know. They were generous enough to share their answers to this Reddit question: “What’s the stupidest way you’ve injured yourself?” Someone cut their hand on a frozen chicken nugget, while another unfortunate soul had a dog fall on their head from a third-floor balcony.
Scroll down and read through these stories. Some are almost cartoonish, while others may make you cringe out of empathy. Try not to laugh too hard because it is still someone’s pain, after all.
#1
Slipped a disk in my neck because my cat made me jump
Had the wind close an iron gate onto my head
Had a wasp fly into my face when I was standing at the top of the stairs and ended up at the bottom of the stairs a lot quicker than I would have liked
Tripped up on my own feet in an attic bedroom and ended up on the landing, fell 8 foot flat onto my back
When fishing I badly messed up a cast and got a hook stuck in my a**e cheek
Think I will stop there, or this post could go on for a while
Image credits: Ulfgeirr88
#2
I once inverted a loft ladder into the loft, lay on it and said "thunderbirds are go", released the latch and ejected myself out of the loft onto the concrete floor below.
Image credits: McRazz
#3
Got my arm caught up in my top when getting changed and in yanking it out, punched myself in the mouth and burst my lip.
Image credits: frusciantefango
#4
Cut my hand on a broken, frozen chicken nugget.
Edit: This is by far the most upvoted comment I've ever made, so thanks.
My first job was in a chip shop. I had to get some nuggets out of one of the giant, overloaded and frosty stand up freezers. I plunged my hand into the box and when it came out there was blood everywhere. When I scraped some of the contents out, there was a nugget that had broken so had a glass shard-like edge.
I had to sit down for 5 minutes whilst the bleeding stopped. It seemed pretty daft at the time and it would appear that about a thousand people on the Internet seen to agree.
Image credits: JiggyMacC
#5
Trying to be all arty farty and sharpening my pencil with a craft knife. Yes, I sliced open my thumb, fainted at the gushing blood, fell to the floor and stabbed myself.
I always use a pencil sharpener now.
EDIT::: Oh my! Thanks so much for the Gold Award! This has made my day :).
Image credits: whoops53
#6
Paper cut both of my eyeballs when I was tickling my eyelashes with the edge of a magazine as I watched TV (why, I don't know). Our dog next to me barked, made me jump which shoved the edges of the pages into my eyes.
I think the Dr at the hospital was even judging my stupidity.
Image credits: Parking-Grade8241
#7
Tried to take painkillers for a bad headache at work, somehow managed to slice my finger on the foil from the tablet blister pack (like an overpowered paper cut), bled all over my desk and keyboard. Colleague helpfully said "at least you've already had painkillers".
Image credits: justdont7133
#8
Lying in bed, sneezed, threw my back out.
Image credits: sandra_nz
#9
A friend had her 18th in a pub in her town, whereas I live in the nearby city. We all left the pub they had their party at to continue the night back at theirs.
All the people ahead of me were walking down the long and winding path to leave through the gate. Directly in front of the exit was a small stone wall about 2ft high at most, and that was a significantly quicker route.
Obviously I was smarter than everyone who lived in this area and had been to this pub a million times, so I casually hopped over the little wall.
Turns out it's 2ft high facing the pub, but about 8ft high on the other side. I broke my ankle and collapsed like a sack of s**t. Struggled and limped all the way back to her house and assured myself it was just a sprain until the following morning when I couldn't walk at all and my mum had to come get me to go to A&E.
Image credits: Slothjitzu
#10
Broke a light fitting and got an electric shock trying to remove it. Called and electrician, and showed him what the problem was by touching the fitting again.
Image credits: Mossley
#11
I was playing cricket and at tea I was walking back from the clubhouse, fell over fresh air and trying to protect my pork pies & vital goodies I broke 2 fingers.
Image credits: ShiteCrack
#12
I was playing a computer game sitting cross-legged for 2 hours. Got up to make dinner but had pins and needles in my leg. Took a step, went right over on my ankle and tore some ligaments. Needed surgery and 9 months of physio.
I’m not allowed to walk if I get pins and needles again.
Image credits: runwithcolour
#13
A dog fell off a 3rd floor balcony and landed on my head.
Knocked me onto the iron gate of our ground floor flat and I fracture my jaw.
Image credits: Queen_Sun
#14
Three spring to mind.
The first - I was grabbing a can of polish from under the sink and when I pulled it out, I jerked my arm too viciously and smacked myself in the face. Gave myself a black eye and a headache.
The second - at work, I was taking some money out the till to put in the safe. Had to be quick as it was super busy. Grabbed the Dosh, ran to the coded door, put the wrong code in and rather than push the door open, I walked right into it...it didn't open because I put the wrong code in. Another black eye, eyebrow piercing bled, and I smacked my head so hard into the door that I gave myself concussion and had to go home.
The third - in college, a friend and I decided to bunk off for the day and make cake. My mum had an electric mixer stick thing and I was showing my friend K how to scrape the excess mixture out of the hollow bit where the blade sits without hurting yourself. She was holding the stick so we could both see it...and she turned it on with my finger still inside. It didn't sever the finger, but now my left index finger has a big scar and no feeling in the place above where the blade hit. After we got to the hospital and got everything sorted, she said to me "do you think we could still make cake with the batter if we scoop your blood out of it?" No, Kirk. No.
I am one of the clumsiest people alive and fall down the stairs almost every day, so there's probably more but those are the 3 that I think of regularly.
Image credits: yalliepants
#15
I'm a wheelchair user and I once tried to show off in a club by getting up this pretty big step to dance on the raised area. Fell backwards and basically punched the floor when I landed, breaking my hand (though I didn't realise until the next day)
About 2 minutes later my partner tried to do the exact same thing and got a nearly identical injury
Who could have predicted that taking a GIANT step (like 4x the size of a curb) with no run up, on a slippy dance floor with slippy wheels, and nothing to grab on to, could have POSSIBLY gone wrong.... not us, apparently.
Image credits: quinneth-q
#16
I once slammed my head in my own car door. I was trying to slide into the driver's seat and close the door behind me all in one fluid motion but I mis-timed it somehow and trapped my head between the top of the door frame and the car roof.
It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't done it directly in front of my girlfriend's parents who were waving me off after I had met them for the first time ever. I had to pretend I was fine, then drove around the corner to clutch my head in my hands for a few minutes and try not to throw up.
Image credits: PM_Me_Rude_Haiku
#17
Where to start…
Stabbed myself in the foot with a garden fork while aggressively aerating my garden. Figured ouch but it’ll be fine. The next day it was twice the size and a very ugly shade of purple. Ended up in A&E on an antibiotic drip plus a course of antibiotics to take home and a tetanus jab.
Sawed my thumb with a bow saw.
Chopped the same thumb on the same day with an axe. Luckily I was only a kid at that point so not strong enough to do any serious damage.
Took the front of my shin right off trying to vault a wall, I could see the bone. Also as a kid.
As an adult, I was taking a pizza out of the oven. Had a pizza stone with a metal cradle. Foolishly lifted the cradle away wearing oven gloves which had no grip and it swung round and landed on my forearm; it was a pretty nasty burn which also needed hospital attention.
There’s more, but you get the idea.
ETA I also stabbed myself in the hand separating frozen burgers with a kitchen knife. The tip of the knife came right out of the other side of my hand. Luckily it went between my metacarpals otherwise that could’ve been lasting damage.
All in all, I think I’m pretty lucky to be alive, but pretty damn stupid for not learning from any of it.
Image credits: polychromiyeux
#18
When I was a teenager I was lying down in my hallway doing art coursework with a pillow underneath my elbows. Had the whole house in complete darkness apart from a small light on behind me. The phone rang and as I ran to answer it got me foot caught in me laptop wire, ripping it out from the wall, getting my balance and then tripping over the f*****g pillow. Broke 3 toes and had to crawl across the floor to see who had rang.
Image credits: kiwii-xo
#19
Running to catch a train after a few beers with some mates (had been watching a 5 a side legends tournament in Manchester), tried being flash by vaulting a bin at speed.
Messed up the landing and tore my right calf muscle badly, missed the train too (no they didn't wait for me).
Image credits: YinkYinkYinken
#20
Ran over my own finger on skateboard and broke it (also had to have the nail pulled out of the same broken finger).
See also: ran over my own foot and ankle with my car.
Image credits: WBCSMFer
#21
Split my groin and d**k open as teenager by crashing a bmx into the ground after flying off the top of a half pipe and literally cocking up the landing.
Image credits: Berookes
#22
Dismantling my old wooden shed, planks of wooden panels with long rusty nails scattered everywhere. I was rather proud of myself and then I stood on one of them at a weird angle and surely enough it was perfectly aimed for my family jewels....the pain of it made me violently stumble backwards and surely enough, I stood on another plank with big rusty nails....
Image credits: Superhhung
#23
I once went on a lads holiday and broke my wrist trying to lean against a fence whilst chatting up 2 girls. turns out the fence was just some rope and i fell 10 foot off a ledge onto a balcony below. proper only fools and horses style.
#24
Was changing an office strip light and the bracket had somehow twisted itself, so I poked my (metal) Leatherman into the (live) fitting. Got an electric shock which caused me to punch myself in the face.
#25
I was removing the liquidiser blade from a stick blender and it was still plugged in. I said to myself with a loud inner voice - "DO NOT PRESS THE BUTTON" The other half of my brain heard it as "Press the button" so I did.
It wasn't so bad as the blade got stuck on the bone and didn't liquidise my finger but I couldn't bring myself to look at it until my wife, as if addressing a small child, made me.
Image credits: barriedalenick
#26
Running from the garden into the house, I jumped in through the patio doors. Except they were shut. My sister still laugh about how I boiinged off the door like a Tom and Jerry cartoon!
Dancing in my room wearing a pencil skirt. Kicked my leg up high, it whipped the other leg from under me and I landed on the floor. Luckily I was alone for that one!
Had a knife with a cover on it. Took the cover off with my thumb on the cover - of course sliced through my thumb. Bled like a bastard.
Image credits: CaveJohnson82
#27
Oh I have a few...
Broke my leg slipping in a patch of booze whilst dancing enthusiastically to The Prodigy.
Broke my toe by stubbing it on a corner whilst hoovering naked.
Had to have 15 stitches in my hands when I picked my cat up to rescue it from a fight with anther cat.
Fell over putting my socks on and gave myself a black eye - I tried to break my fall, but punched myself instead.
Image credits: Connect-Smell761
#28
Slicing my hand myself with a new kitchen knife while unpackaging it, while talking about how sharp these new ones will be and being excited about it lol.
#29
When I was a teenager I was messing around in the park with my friends (as you do) and got everyone to spin me as much as they could on the roundabout. When I got off I was so dizzy, I didn’t just stagger sideways I literally leapt sideways onto my own head and gave myself a concussion.
Image credits: riotlady
#30
Two things come to mind. Both many years ago, when at school.
1. I fractured my arm (not stupidly) so didn't do gym for a couple of months. During that time, they replaced the springboard that we used with a mini-trampoline.
First gym class I was allowed to do, we were using the mini-tramp to vault a horse. Never having used one before, I jumped on it with the same force as a springboard. I flew through the air and never touched the horse, and broke my collarbone on landing.
After that, the gym teacher called me 007, as apparently it was quite cinematic.
2. In metalwork, I'd been using a soldering iron and hung it from its hook on a rack. I misjudged it and it fell off. Without thinking I caught it in mid-air, but by the wrong end.
#31
Whilst teaching I ran my hand down along the side of my smartboard and cut my hand open on a partially-cut zip-tie that tore straight through the skin. I stopped my teaching, looked at my hand with visible confusion, stating to my baffled class 'how can a zip tie do that much damage?!?!'. Naturally being teenagers, they all found me injuring myself on my smartboard to be highly entertaining. Can't say I blame them!
#32
Cutting my fingernails, didn't have clippers so carefully used a long craft knife. Sneezed and cut a 3 inch gash in the flesh by my thumb. Also got a bad habit of catching things I drop on my foot, stabbed my foot with the same knife.
#33
I had kicked my slippers on and off like I normally did, I went to kick my slipper on again and booted the door frame hard enough to break my toe hahaha.
Image credits: miz_moon
#34
Cut my finger using a slightly serrated butter knife to open a pack of cheese. It moved fast when it opened.
Also managed to run my finger along the edge of a very sharp knife while drying it.
Oh, and walked into a concrete wall on my honeymoon in our hotel bedroom and then fainted.
Image credits: theprocrastatron
#35
I broke my finger on the elastic type part of my tracksuit pants when I was pulling them up from the back.
Dont even know how this is possible, but it was the last portion of my finger, didn't hurt, it just was ....floppy
My parents at the time thought I was faking the break.
Had it in a splint, was to embarrassed to tell anyone at school how it broke so said it was in a car sliding door.
#36
When I was 6 I walked into a lamppost, requiring stitches to my forehead. I'd been walking past a church yard where some people were digging, and I thought there might be skeletons, so I wasn't looking in the direction I was walking. Most disappointingly there were no skeletons, as it was a bit of scrubby land next to a church rather than an actual grave yard.
Aged 9 I cut myself badly by sharpening homemade arrows with a kitchen knife.
#37
I had sprained my ankle so had crutches. I’m terribly co-ordinated and just couldn’t get used to them. Trying to get to the loo I managed to smash my little toe on the other foot into the crutch and break it.
My husband cut his hand open trying to open a pack of knives with another knife.
#38
December last year I opened a door a bit too enthusiastically with my bare foot in the way. Took my big toenail right off. Quite a fair bit of blood.
#39
I’d stupidly started doing YouTube aerobics and was really stiff afterwards (steady). I was walking back from a meeting and went to step off a kerb and tore my calf muscle. Thank f**k my friend was with me because I was in so much pain I probably would’ve been run over. As it was I thought I was going to puke and pass out simultaneously.
So yeah, tore my gastrocnemius crossing the road.
Image credits: schmoovebaby
#40
Sledging, but used a kayak.
Image credits: anon
#41
Kicked a freezer in Aldi because I was too busy looking at the ice cream inside to notice I was still moving towards said large heavy object. Broke my toe. Didn't even get an ice cream.
#42
We had a football game and only 9 players turned up, classic Sunday League stuff. In the warm up i tried a scorpion kick and managed to jam my elbow in to my hip as i landed on the floor. I stood up and carried on without anyone noticing but my hip was in a lot of pain and i couldn't run, only lightly jog.
My teammates soon found out i was injured so we played 90 mins with a team of 8 players and one idiot slowly jogging round the pitch because he elbowed himself in the hip. My team never did find out exactly how i did it though thankfully.
#43
Dropped a Amazon box on my big toe. Broke it in one place. 10 minutes later dropped it again and broke it on two places.
Dropped my ecig on my toe and broke that toe….
