Sometimes, people are not really in love, rather they are “in love with the idea of being in love” because many of these are just unhealthy attachments. Especially as teenagers, with raging hormones, it can be difficult to understand what is what.
That’s what happened with this teenager who claims to be in love with her super controlling girlfriend of 3 months whom she has never met before. Her mom is extremely worried about this “phone relationship” and asked her to cut contact, but the teen didn’t take it well!
More info: Mumsnet
As teenagers, it’s difficult to understand the difference between love and an unhealthy attachment
The poster found out that her 14-year-old daughter is in a relationship with a 16-year-old, but they’ve never met
Her daughter’s girlfriend seemed very toxic and controlling – she instantly got mad if she didn’t do things as she wanted, which made her mom worried
Her girlfriend’s dad had also spoken to the poster’s daughter, but she found this a big red flag, so she asked her daughter to cut contact with her
However, the daughter called her the worst mom in the world as she couldn’t understand that they were “in love”, so the mom wondered whether to take away her phone
In today’s story, the original poster (OP) narrated how she’s concerned about her 14-year-old daughter who has been in a relationship with a 16-year-old college student, but here’s the catch, they’ve never met! The mom is extremely worried about this 3-month-old “phone relationship”, and her daughter has even claimed to be in love with the other girl.
To get expert insights about the matter, Bored Panda interviewed Nimisha Katare, a psychologist at The Secret Ingredient, who said that it’s increasingly common for teens to form intense attachments in online relationships. She mentioned that during adolescence, the brain undergoes significant changes, particularly in areas related to emotion and social interaction.
“The developmental stage of adolescence is characterized by a search for identity and intimacy, which can lead teens to develop deep connections with people they may never meet in person. Teens are driven by a strong need for acceptance and belonging, which the anonymity and ease of online communication can provide,” she added.
Nimisha also explained how the lack of physical presence allows for idealization, where teens project their hopes and desires onto their online partners. The dopamine reward system, she narrated, in the brain is also heavily involved; receiving messages and attention online can trigger the release of dopamine, reinforcing the feeling of being “in love.”
Well, it’s natural for any parent to feel concerned about this, but what really bothered the poster was how controlling this girlfriend seems to be, demanding things from OP’s daughter and getting mad if she fails to do as asked. The daughter also has to apologize even when she’s done nothing wrong, and even the girlfriend’s father has spoken to her, which OP found to be a red flag.
All these things led the poster to ask her daughter to cut contact with the girlfriend as it’s pretty clear that it’s a toxic thing going on between the two. The daughter, however, didn’t take this well, called OP the “worst mom”, kicked her out of the room, and even slammed the door in her face.
When we asked our expert about the impact of a controlling relationship, she spoke about how it can have severe consequences for a teenager’s mental health. “Psychologically, it can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth. Socially, the teen may become isolated from friends and family, which increases feelings of loneliness and helplessness.”
“Behaviorally, signs of a controlling relationship impacting well-being might include noticeable changes in mood or behavior, such as irritability, withdrawal, or a decline in academic performance. The teen might also exhibit physical symptoms like sleep disturbances or changes in appetite. Cognitive-behavioral signs include constant worry about pleasing the partner and fear of conflict,” Nimisha narrated.
Since the whole incident when OP asked her to cut contact, her daughter has stopped acting like her old self, stopped messaging her friends, and hasn’t even come out of her room, much less focused on her homework. Sadly, the poster became the bad guy of her daughter’s story when she was just trying to protect her child.
Nimisha noted how socially, distancing from friends and activities further increases feelings of loneliness and isolation, which can deepen mental health issues. Speaking about the difference between healthy attachment and potentially harmful emotional dependency, she mentioned that helping teens distinguish between the two involves education and self-awareness.
“Start by explaining the basics—healthy attachment means mutual respect, trust, and independence, while harmful emotional dependency involves an over-reliance on the partner for emotional support. Encourage balance by suggesting that teens maintain their personal interests and friendships outside the relationship,” she suggested.
Well, after knowing the whole story, accompanied by the brilliant insights from our expert, what do you make of it? Let us know in the comments!
Folks online also advised the mom to take her phone as it seems strange that they’ve never met and it could also be a catfish
