10 traits of ‘highly sensitive’ children revealed by psychologists, and how parents can support them

Highly sensitive child with their parent.

New research has revealed the five best parenting approaches that can help highly sensitive children deal with their emotions better as they grow up. 

There are now a whole host of different terms to explain the behaviour of children who appear more sensitive than their peers. The new terminology has given parents more insight and advice on how to help than ever before, from Dr Becky sharing her 'deeply feeling kid' theory to mental health experts giving advice on parenting anxious kids. And our helpful piece on how to talk to kids about feelings.

And now psychologists have coined the term 'highly sensitive' children. According to Claire Lerner, LCSW-C, a licensed clinical social worker and child development specialist who explained the term for Psychology Today, these highly sensitive kids are, "Amazing kids who tend to be fierce and feisty, persistent and passionate. They are incredibly insightful and empathetic. But because of their intensity, they are also prone to having more challenges in adapting to life’s expectations and limits."

Does that sound familiar? It's not unusual for kids to be highly sensitive and, for those parents who think their kids might be 'highly sensitive' children, Lerner revealed the 10 traits these kids tend to have.

10 Traits of Highly Sensitive Children

1. They experience emotional extremes
2. They have bigger reactions to sensory input
3. They are more prone to meltdowns
4. They are keenly tuned in to everyone and everything
5. They have a more intense need for control and can be rigid and inflexible
6. They are more fearful and cautious in new situations
7. They tend to have a lower tolerance for frustration
8. They are prone to perfectionism and have a very hard time losing
9. They have a hard time tolerating being corrected
10. They are more self-conscious and easily slighted

So if you think you have a highly sensitive child, what can you do as a parent to better tailor your parenting style to their needs and help your kids learn about their emotions?

According to new research, sensitive kids do definitely respond to parenting differently as a result of their increased sensitivities. Speaking about the research in Psychology Today, Dr Cara Goodwin, Ph.D., who is a licensed clinical psychologist and a mother to three children, revealed that while there is more research needed to properly understand the benefits of sensitive parenting, there are some clear takeaways that parents can implement into their day-to-day to improve life for their kids. 

1. Remember that sensitivity isn’t necessarily a bad thing. "The children who were more sensitive to praise in the study showed fewer problems later in life," she explained. "We need more research on this topic, but it is possible that sensitive children may have the advantage of being more sensitive to some positive influences as well. Make sure you notice some of the positive impacts of your child’s sensitive nature rather than only focusing on the negative impacts."

2. Accept that some children are just more sensitive, but sensitivity may be more complicated than you think. "You shouldn’t assume that your child, or any child, is generally 'sensitive' across the board but rather it might be more helpful to think about the specific situations that trigger sensitivity. For example, your child may be sensitive to influences at home than at school or your child may be sensitive to sensory input but not emotional influences."

3. Teach new skills to children who are sensitive to changes in their own mood. As research has suggested that sensitive children showed more behavioural problems later in childhood due to being unable to control their mood, the expert says to teach kids 'coping skills' to make sure their behaviour doesn’t have to always be dictated by their mood. "Coping skills could include deep breathing, taking a break, and self-talk such as telling themselves 'Even though I am nervous, I can still do it!'," she explained.

4. Know your child and provide extra support to them in the areas in which they are more sensitive. "Sensitivity in children is all about how children respond to their environment. So think about how you can change the environment to help them,"  Dr Goodwin said. "For example, if you have a child who is very sensitive to changes in plans, you can prepare them for the possibility of any schedule changes or help them learn coping strategies to handle these changes."

5. Regardless of sensitivity, praise your child frequently and consistently. Dr Goodwin says, "f your child seems to respond well to praise, it is even more important to praise them frequently and consistently," adding that parents should praise based on effort and hard work rather than characteristics of the child. 

For more expert insight on parenting approaches, why not read this parenting expert's list of 5 things parents expect their kids to do way before it’s appropriate? Plus, these are the 8 types of play your kid needs to support their development and the big 5 traits that kids develop in the first 10 years of their life.