In a recent team huddle, Zak Crawley piped up with a yarn about a Chinese farmer. Obviously.
Apparently, this Chinese farmer lived his life by a Far Eastern proverb that, according to the listening Ben Stokes, went something like this. “We don’t know why things happen, if it’s for good or not.”
Fair enough. But the same Chinese farmer has probably got a proverb more relevant to laid-back Zak. “He who dances halfway down the track had better hit it.”
The collective Lord’s groan when Crawley’s dreamy cameo at the start of the England batting effort came to a stumped, ignominious end was a familiar sound to the opener’s ears. Crawley is 66 innings into his Test career and it is already hard to think of a more frustrating English player.
No-one purposely gets out but when it comes to gifting wickets, few have been as generous as Crawley. Make no mistake, his run-a-ball 48 at Lord’s helped set the platform for what could still be a very decent England total.
But, at the Home of Cricket on a good batting track under a bright sky, this should have been a statement knock from a supremely talented batsman. And for all the faith shown in him by the Bazball hierarchy, Crawley’s statement knocks are few and far between.
In those 66 innings, Crawley has hit only three centuries - two against Pakistan and one against the West Indies - and averages 28.75.
For a player with his gifts, that is almost criminally low. At times, it all seems to come too easily to Crawley … and that is not a reference to his old man being minted.
Terry Crawley was once reported to have made £23million in a single year as a City of London stock market trader and sent his son to the ultra-posh Tonbridge School, where the fees set you back £13,000 a term.
Cricket-wise, dad’s investment paid off and as he swatted Australia’s pacemen around Lord’s, it was hard to believe some people still question the wisdom of Crawley’s selection.
It should not be questioned. Crawley bats for the team, bats for the ethos. He felt the bowlers were tying England down and asserted his authority, setting the tone for the flow of runs that followed.
He was born to be a Bazballer, hitting the first Australian delivery of this Ashes series to the boundary. Almost bizarrely, ahead of this Test match, Crawley said: “I think we will win by - I don’t know - 150 runs.”
It is highly unlikely Crawley will be proven correct but you have to admire his bullishness, with bat and words.
And after the heavy criticism of much of their first-day performance, this spirited second-day riposte was led by the relatively new English wave. Josh Tongue removed Steve Smith, adding him to Usman Khawaja and David Warner for an impressive opening collection of Ashes wickets as England took the remaining five Australian wickets for a hundred.
And when Alex Carey completed the formalities after Crawley skipped a few steps and missed Nathan Lyon’s sharp turner, Ollie Pope and Ben Duckett took up the cudgels. Pope’s dismissal, hooking Cameron Green into Steve Smith’s hands, seemed as rash as Crawley’s but, quite simply, this is the way these guys play.
As Duckett and Joe Root were both out to erroneous pull shots, there was a torrent of social media comments about ‘brainless’ England. But you can’t laud attacking intent and then cry when it costs a wicket or four.
Some people seem to want their Test Match Special cake and eat it. Pope backed himself to hit it into the stands, just as Crawley backed himself to take on Lyon.
Even for a Chinese farmer, that must be frustrating … but at least it is thrilling to watch.
