The family of a young man "liked by everyone" who died following a mental health battle said he was at "breaking point" at the time of his death. Conor Challenger was just 24 years old when his family found him near their home in Ebbw Vale after he showed signs of distress.
Speaking on behalf of the family, Leigh Murphy - Conor's brother-in-law of 16 years - said Conor had struggled with his mental health since the age of 12 and that the family had "tried every possible avenue" to help him throughout his life. Leading up to his death at around midnight on March 11, Leigh said Conor's mental state had deteriorated exponentially.
He hopes speaking out will encourage other young men to seek help to prevent other families experiencing their ordeal. Describing his brother-in-law, 38-year-old Leigh said: "First and foremost, Conor was a very polite and caring person. He had a lot of friends and was very kind so he was liked by everyone. He was introverted and family orientated and lived with his mum Keran at the time. We are a very close family.
"I have been with his sister Lucy for 16 years and Conor was only seven when I met him. We spent a lot of time with Conor as a child and any days out we had, he would tag along and we would take him places - he almost felt like a son at that point. Although he had his own demons, he was able to hide that from people who weren't as close to him.
"Conor struggled with his mental health from a really young age - probably from around the age of 12. He generally struggled with day-to-day life and was never settled as a person. He struggled with his mental health to the point of self-harm and he would have outbursts."
In the week leading up to his death, Leigh said Conor had been particularly mentally unwell. On the evening of March 11, Leigh said he noticed Conor acting out of character online, which gave him cause for concern. He alerted Lucy who then visited the family home, near to where Conor was later found dead.
Leigh said emergency services attended the scene and tried their best to revive Conor, however he could not be saved. Leigh said: "Conor's mum had tried every avenue possible to help him. I think there is help available, but I question how bad you have to be before you can get that help because Conor was at breaking point."
He explained how around 18 months prior to Conor's death, he had been detained under the Mental Health Act by Gwent Police. Although officers took Conor to be assessed at a mental health facility, Leigh said it was decided by mental health staff that Conor did not need to be kept in.
Leigh said Conor's death has had a devastating impact on his family and friends and that it was "difficult" to think of a future without him. He said: "I'm 38 and I have lost family members to age-related illness, and obviously you suffer with grief, but this feels so different. It's because his death relates to his mental health and he is so young. We all know there is nothing else we could have done, but deep down you feel differently. You always feel like you could have done more. It's affected me a lot because this is the first time I have lost someone [in this way]."
One person who is really struggling without Conor is his best friend Ethan. Leigh said Ethan has helped to support the family with kind gestures such as sending Keran a Mother's Day message on Conor's behalf. Leigh said: "He had lots of close friends, but he had one very close friend in particular called Ethan who has been so kind and thoughtful. Where Conor [was found] he's created a bench for people to sit on. He has gone out of his way. I am going to let Ethan take my place as a funeral bearer if that's what he wants to do because they were so close."
Despite his pain, Leigh said he is also trying his best to support the other family members, including starting a GoFundMe to relieve the financial burden on Conor's mother, who otherwise feared she would not be able to give her son the send off he deserves. The GoFundMe page has so far raised more than £4,000. You can support it here.
"We are eternally grateful for the amount of support we've had," Leigh said. "It was totally unexpected. We had so much support in such a short space of time. We were just shy of £2,000 within that first 24 hours of that GoFundMe going up.
"Every single person has been generous and it will make a massive difference to the family. It will relieve all financial pressure on Keran. The people who have donated have allowed us to give Conor the send-off he deserves. They have allowed us to have an attended funeral, rather than an unattended funeral which we otherwise would have had to do."
Leigh said he is aware of a new men's mental health support group in Ebbw Vale, which he hopes will help prevent others from hitting rock bottom. He said: "It's known that men are more reluctant to talk about their issues, but there are people to speak to who have been in the same situation. A walking group local to us called You're Never Alone was started a few months back and it's grown exponentially from having two or three walkers on a Sunday to having 60 or 70 people walking.
"They will make arrangements through the week for Sunday and then they will just walk and talk. It's not professional help but it allows men to open up and be in nature. Since it has been running over the last few months, I don't think Conor would have been in the right headspace for it. However, if it was available before that point, it is something the family would have encouraged him to do."
A spokesman for Aneurin Bevan University Health Board said: “Our thoughts and condolences are with Mr Challenger’s family at this incredibly sad time. It would be inappropriate to comment on individual cases, however, we would ask the family to contact us directly so that we can help support them and discuss any concerns they might have."
When life is difficult, Samaritans are here – day ornight, 365 days a year. You can call them forfree on 116 123, email them at jo@samaritans.org,or visit www.samaritans.org to find yournearest branch.
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