You clear your schedule the moment he calls. You pick up his favorite snacks on your way home. Perhaps you even fold his laundry or listen to him vent about his boss for hours. In your mind, you are proving your worth as a partner. You are showing him exactly how loyal and caring you can be.
However, the reaction you receive isn’t the deep appreciation you expect. Instead, he seems to pull away. He takes longer to text back. He stops planning dates. You try harder to close the gap, but the distance only grows. This painful dynamic often boils down to a fundamental misunderstanding of value. While you think you are displaying devotion, he might perceive it as desperation.
The Psychology Behind Over-Giving
Over-giving usually stems from a place of deep insecurity rather than genuine abundance. You might feel a subconscious need to earn love. The belief is that if you do enough, fix enough, and give enough, he will never want to leave. But this mindset creates a transactional dynamic. You are essentially trying to buy affection with acts of service.
High-value partners do not need to audit for love. They know their presence alone is a gift. When you constantly over-deliver without any reciprocation, you signal that you do not believe you are enough on your own. You inadvertently tell him that your time and energy are cheap. Consequently, he treats them that way.
Killing the Mystery and Attraction
Romance thrives on a certain level of tension and mystery. When you do everything for a man, you eliminate the space he needs to miss you. You solve every problem before he even knows it exists. There is no room for him to step up or invest in the relationship.
Men often value what they work for. If you hand everything over on a silver platter, the value drops significantly. He stops wooing you because the conquest is over. You have moved from the role of a romantic partner to that of a caretaker. This shift is a quick way to extinguish the spark in a relationship. He wants a lover, not a mother or a personal assistant.
The Silent Contract of Resentment
Eventually, the over-giver burns out. You will start keeping score. You notice that you cooked five meals in a row, and he hasn’t even washed a dish. You realize you always drive to his place, but he never comes to yours. Resentment begins to fester beneath the surface.
You might lash out or become passive-aggressive. He will likely feel blindsided by this because you set the standard. You taught him that he didn’t have to lift a finger. Now, he feels pressured and criticized, which pushes him further away. It becomes a toxic cycle where you feel used and he feels suffocated.
How to Reclaim Your Value
Stopping the cycle of over-giving requires a massive shift in focus. You must stop acting out of fear of loss. Match his energy instead of exceeding it. If he takes a step back, you stay where you are. Do not rush forward to fix the silence.
Fill your time with your own passions, friends, and goals. When you are busy loving your own life, you naturally become more attractive. You stop waiting by the phone. You stop analyzing his every move. He will notice the change. Suddenly, he has to reach out to grab your attention. He has to earn his spot in your schedule. This restores the balance and allows him to see you as a prize worth pursuing, not a safety net he can take for granted.
Take a hard look at your current relationship dynamics today. Are you giving to get love, or are you sharing from a place of overflow? Pull back your energy and see what happens. The right person will step forward to meet you halfway.
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The post You Think It’s Devotion, He Sees Desperation: The Hidden Cost of Over-Giving appeared first on Budget and the Bees.
