Part of being from Burnage is accepting that you will be asked on a constant basis whether you know or have ever met Oasis. And usually, many people around here will actually have at least one story about the Gallagher brothers to share.
For example, my mum insists my grandad once had to ban Liam and Noel from the local church youth club back in the 80s due to ‘unruly behaviour’. Makes total sense to me, really.
Another part of my Burnage identity is having to justify to people why I don’t share the exact same colloquialisms and accent as Liam or Noel, despite them originally living just a two-minute walk from my mum’s house. And then usually the joke of pronouncing Burnage as ‘Burn-arge’ instead of ‘Burn-idge' will arrive right on cue.
I don’t mind, it’s all part of the fun, but I might now have an expert-backed reason for why I don’t say ‘our kid’ in every other sentence. Sociolinguists at Manchester Metropolitan University (MMU) have discovered that the 'Manc' accent is usually found in the city centre whereas those in South Manchester will tend to have a more ‘posh’ dialect.
I would never go as far as saying I sound ‘posh’, but maybe I’m not actually the exception to the Burnage rule as many Oasis fans I meet on nights out would suggest. Either way, whether my accent dictates if I'm posh or not, it’ll still always be a barmcake to me and you’ll never convince me otherwise. You can take the boy out of Burnage, but...
Taking on the ‘no-nonsense’ buffet
Not far from Burnage, in the dizzying heights of Stockport, lies a ‘no-nonsense’ Chinese buffet that What’s On editor Jenna Campbell popped down to review earlier this week.
The Chinese 203 restaurant on Bramhall Lane in Davenport has gained a bit of a reputation for its amusing terms and conditions which I’m sure would make even the bravest feel a little bit of trepidation and anxiety.
As Jenna so brilliantly puts it: “At the end of the menu it reads, 'only order what you can eat, waste is not appreciated and will be charged for and food must not be taken away'. That scuppers my tactic of folding everything into a napkin.”
The Davenport restaurant gives diners 90 minutes to stuff their faces for £20 and children under ten can eat for a tenner. But the restaurant doesn’t mess about and any parents who ‘can not prove the child's age is under 10' will be made to pay full price. So, you’ll want to dig out those birth certificates and passports if you want to avoid an awkward encounter. But, from Jenna’s review, it certainly sounds worth it for the food alone.
The Fox and the Hound
Disney has got into a habit recently of remaking some of its classic films for new audiences, with The Lion King, Aladdin and The Jungle Book all amongst those receiving the revamped treatment over the last few years.
If they’re searching for some ideas on how to update another of their classics, then they need look no further than Heaton Moss for a modern The Fox and the Hound tale.
When one-year-old rescue dog Lola broke free from her lead while on a walk, Laura Nekooie feared the worst for her missing dog. Despite multiple attempts, volunteers at Greater Manchester Lost Dog (GMLD) Search & Rescue Capture Team were unable to catch her.
CCTV footage from across south Manchester and Trafford was able to show that Laura's beloved pooch was not out adventuring on her own - she'd managed to make friends with a fox. . Lola was seen playing ‘tag’ with the wild animal, who was also shown at another point guarding her while she took in a nap in a residential garden.
“I thought it was a joke to start with,” Laura told the M.E.N’s Paige Oldfield. “Every time someone reported seeing her, they said they saw her with a fox.”
If Disney are reading this, which I’m sure they are, then my suggestions for the revamp would be Maxine Peake and Shaun Ryder as the voices of Lola and the pesky but lovable fox. I’ll take 5% in box office revenues please.
A little bit of Christmas magic
I’m of a similar mindset to editor John Shammas that the Christmas period can certainly feel a little ‘too much’ at times. And, despite being more than halfway through November already, I’m still not quite ready to go all-out on the Christmas markets and mince pies.
So, maybe what I need to get me into the Christmas spirit this year is a trip to the fairytale village of Lower Peover in Cheshire, which sounds like something right out of Narnia.
The M.E.N’s Lifestyle Editor Dianne Bourne describes the village, which is home to around 400 residents, as having a real ‘chocolate box charm’ to it and even features an enchanted tree made out of damaged oak. The Tree of Imagination was created to ‘delight and inspire’ all and includes numerous little doorways and windows to make it look like fairies and elves live there.
However, anyone wanting to be able to enjoy the fairytale village on a more permanent basis will have to fork out at least £700,000 to live there. For now, I’ll just have to embrace Lower Peover from afar with my barmcake and ‘posh’ Burnage accent in tow.
You can read more about the magic of Lower Peover here.
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